Sunday, July 30, 2023

News from all over

 All countries prepare to host the Olympic Games in their own way, hoping an infusion of tourist money will offset the expensive chaos and social dislocation of putting them on.  What they conceal is often more revealing than what they seek to promote.  In 1936 Germany took down its "Juden raus!" signs and suspended public arrests and beatings.  In 2014 Russia tried to exterminate all the stray cats and dogs in Sochi.  For 2024, Paris has informed its bouquinistes that most of their stalls will have to be dismantled and moved to accommodate the opening ceremony.  Open-air booksellers along the Seine have been a tradition for four centuries but now represent a threat to "security" as athletes and delegations sail down the river.  Already struggling after the covid lockdown, the gilets jaunes protests and this year's demonstrations over retirement age and the police killing of a teenager, some vendors say they will not survive further disruption.  For one night?

Wisecrack of the day:  "It is most likely that, by the time we get to the debate stage on August 23, the front-runner will be out on bail in four different jurisdictions," said Chris Christie on CNN.  The ex-governor may have been feeling giddy about the news that Murray and Lee Kushner, Jared Kushner's uncle and aunt, gave the maximum legal amount to his campaign, even though he put Murray's brother Charles away for tax fraud in 2004, when Christie was US attorney.  Thanksgiving at the Kushner house must be tense. 

And Christie might have added that none of the money he raises will be spent on his legal defense.  As opposed to Trump's Save America PAC, which has already shelled out $40 million this year for his and Walt Nauta's legal bills.  If he expected to claw any of it back through litigation, looks like that's a "no."  Judge Raag Singhal, a Trump appointee, has dismissed his $475 million defamation suit against CNN, while the Justice Department is no longer willing to pretend he was acting in an "official capacity" when he raped E. Jean Carroll.  The MAGAts will just have to dig deeper.  

Russia doesn't have hurricanes but it appears to have had one in Mari-El, on the northern bank of the Volga River.  High winds felled trees at a campsite on Lake Yalchik, leaving eight people dead and injuring another ten.  

Some buildings were also damaged in Moscow but that was most likely caused by drones.

It's no surprise that Florida universities are struggling to fill full-time positions, as academics seek refuge in civilized states.  It's also no surprise that organizations are choosing to hold conventions elsewhere.  Have you heard about the return of leprosy?  Twenty percent of the nation's reported cases are in central Florida and the CDC can't figure out how people are being infected.  It's known to be present in armadillos but most people avoid them. 


Armadillo.  Avoid.

The House of Reprehensibles continues to swirl in the cosmic vortex.  Nancy Mace (SC) is a multitasker, dividing her time between hurling unsubstantiated charges of Biden corruption and showing up at prayer breakfasts (Tim Scott's, thank you very much and amen) where she regales the evangelicals with tales of how she gave up hot hot morning sex with her fiancee to eat Pop-Tarts with them.  She's 45 and has been married twice, so it's not like she's violating her purity vow (is that still a thing?).  Still, it got her noticed, not easy with this Congress.  ("Congress" is an old-time expression for doing the naughty, by the way.)  
But her adventures were superseded by Derrick Van Orden (WI), who found a group of pages dozing in the Rotunda during a late-night session and lost his cheese:  "Wake the fuck up, you little shits!  What the fuck are you all doing?  Get the fuck out of here!  You are defiling the space, you pieces of shit!"  He was unimpressed when one explained that they were Senate pages -- the House no longer has pages, maybe because of Denny Hastert.  When questioned about his outburst, Van Orden explained that the Rotunda was used as a field hospital during the Civil War and is therefore a "symbol of sacrifice."  Much more recently, National Guards bedded down in the Rotunda on January 6-7, 2021, after clearing the building of the mob sent by Trump to obstruct the Electoral College vote count.  Van Orden is not so impressed by their service, I'm betting.

Van Orden takes a selfie to confirm that he exists.

Friday, July 28, 2023


 As of yesterday at least twenty of the Kids in the House had either introduced articles of impeachment (some of them divinely inspired) or called for Joe Biden to resign.  Among other crimes (being Hunter's dad, adding jobs to the economy every month, being eighty, supporting Ukraine, flagrant Democrat-ing), he owns an unruly dog.

Commander, a two-year-old German shepherd, stands accused of biting either seven or ten Secret Service agents over four months.  (This comes from Judicial Watch via the New York Post, so take it with some skepticism.)  One of his predecessors, Major, was given away after a couple of biting incidents, but neither of them was apparently considered an impeachable offense.  I think I see a pattern.  I'm not a trainer or a vet, but hear me out.

"Dog whistle" is not just a political expression; dogs really can hear things we can't.  That Commander and Major went for the Secret Service exclusively suggests that they are responding to the radios all agents wear in their ears, or rather, to the high frequency they use.  It drives them crazy.  Sending Commander away for more training won't help as long as he returns to the high-stress environment of the White House.  You can train a dog to do all manner of things, but you can't train him not to hear.

Of course other dogs have lived there, but shepherds are bred as attack dogs.  This is why you never see police setting poodles on unarmed Black people.  Commander probably thinks people are menacing his master with ultra-high frequency noises.  (Now I come to think of it, didn't George W. Bush have a Scottish terrier that bit at least one person?  Judicial Watch didn't find that worth reporting.)  I think the best solution is for Commander to live in Delaware and for the Secret Service to be made aware of canine physiology, so they minimize radio chatter in his vicinity.  


 I hope this helps.  He looks like a fine dog.

Thursday, July 27, 2023

Thick and fast

 Who could follow Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., the vaccine denialist who denies being a vaccine denialist, in the spotlight of the House?  This guy.

It's David Grusch, the elusive "whistleblower" who finally felt safe enough to poke his head out of his burrow to breach the government's conspiracy to hide the fact that We Are Not Alone.  Specifically, a UFO crashed in Italy in 1936 and the evidence was supplied to the United States after the war by no less a reliable source than Pope Pius XII.  He proceeded from there, occasionally consulting the orange space watch presented to him by Xenu of Alpha Centauri.  And he still sounded less nutty than Junior Kennedy.  Another normal day in the House Overripe Committee's Subcommittee on Woo.  The subchairman is Tim Burchett of Tennessee, where they reject evolution but believe in little silver guys.

Burchett brought an alien life form to show the committee.  This is how they reproduce.

When Joe Biden tripped over a sandbag at the Air Force Academy the right had the horse half-saddled, boots reversed in the stirrups.  So why is there so little concern over the health problems of Mitch McConnell?  Four months ago he fell down some steps and spent time in rehab.  This month he fell on his face exiting a plane in Washington.  Yesterday at a press conference he suffered temporary aphasia and had to be led away by one of the many Republican senators who are doctors.  He says he's fine, but clearly he's not.  Where are the calls for his resignation?  Where are the funny jokes like the ones still circulating about Paul Pelosi's fractured skull?  Sometimes I wish liberals were less high-minded.  

As for instance when Tim Burchett made his second appearance of the day on Fox News, only to have Sean Hannity introduce him as "Tom Burchett."  After being corrected twice, Hannity said, "I'm going to blame my staff and throw them down the stairs."  It was all very jolly, and he probably didn't.  If Joy Reid got someone's name wrong, Greg Gutfeld would have ten minutes on how a white man could do her job better.

Jerome Powell announced that the Federal Reserve has reviewed the indicators and that Bidenomics is working so well, they no longer anticipate a recession.  Expect more House hearings on the giant plot to hide impending disaster and "weaponize" the Fed against the return of Trump in glory.  He alone can fix it.

Florida's economy is humming along, too, so they won't even notice that the nation's oldest Black fraternity, Alpha Phi Alpha, has decided not to hold its 2025 convention in Orlando.  They're looking for someplace less racist, like Mississippi.  The state has lost an armload of events, including the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite Masons.  When you've lost the secret handshake guys...

One thing we've learned since 2015 is that where they lie about slavery, within twenty-four hours they will lie about the Holocaust.  The task fell to Jesse Watters, a/k/a I Can't Believe It's Not Carlson.  In a morning appearance on The Five he asserted that it's just historically true that slavery taught valuable skills, while some Brit from National Review demanded an apology from Kamala Harris for daring to question these "facts."  Identifying herself as Jewish, Jessica Tarlov said she was "uncomfortable" with this and asked, "Would someone say about the Holocaust, for instance, that there were some benefits for Jews?"  Someone sure would -- funnyman Greg Gutfeld.  He read a book by "Vik" Frankl which he thinks says "utility kept you alive" in the camps.  He had to be told by the Auschwitz Memorial that everyone died in the end, once their economic utility as slave labor was at an end.  Of course, there were always exceptions, like if you happened to cross paths with Oskar Schindler.  Very few did.

Not running but drowning:  The latest reboot of the imploding DeSantis campaign might be called "Say anything.  What have we got to lose?"  So the Governissimo went on some podcast and floated the idea of putting Robert Kennedy Jr. in charge of the Centers for Disease Control.  His actual words were "Sic him on the FDA if he'd be willing to serve.  Or sic him on CDC."  That's the language of a racist cop with a dog trained to attack Black people, in the mouth of a degenerate who laughed while observing torture.  And he's only in second place?



Tuesday, July 25, 2023

"Black Hillary on steroids"

 Or "Barron's underwear drawer."

Stay with me, all will be made clear.

I think we can agree that it's too hot even for July, not just in Texas.  Prison inmates who have not been condemned to death there regularly die anyway because 70 percent of prisons have no air conditioning (or life support, as we call it in coastal Georgia).  At least "illegals," as the governor describes the sub-humans who try to reach his shores, enjoy a refreshing dip in the Rio Grande before being impaled on razor wire; the lucky few who survive get a free bus ride to Los Angeles or the Vice President's house in Washington or, for special winners, Martha's Vineyard at the height of the season.  But the whole country, and most of the world, is just as dog-maddeningly hot because Greta Thunberg is right and the deniers are wrong.

But I digress.  I do that a lot.  Faced with evidence of their own moral and intellectual vapidity, the right grow madder and more desperate.  Nearly eighteen months into his illegal imperialist war on Ukraine, Putin knows he can't win and has entered into whatever is Russian for Goetterdammerung.  He reneged on the deal to allow Ukraine to export grain, condemning whole nations to hunger or worse.  He followed up with attacks on Odesa and other Black Sea ports.  He is mining the Black Sea, and the UN suspects attacks on civilian shipping will follow.  His defense minister Sergei Shoigu has been dispatched to everybody's crazy relative North Korea to shore up "military ties," which helps to explain the random missile-lobbing the fat dictator is currently involved with.  His general Surovikin has not been seen since the faux coup and is described as "resting," probably in peace.  (He may be resting with the Chinese foreign minister Qin Gang, who also hasn't been seen for a month.)  The Russian Arctic is being "militarized" and poisoned, presumably for an invasion of...Canada?  In short, SNAFU shading toward FUBAR.

The MAGAs are more demented than usual as they wait for further indictments of their cult leader to drop, though they should be used to it by now.  Spokesman Charlie Kirk offered a sage assessment of restoring Trump to power by removing Joe Biden because of all the crimes he has committed and also for being a "bumbling dementia-filled Alzheimers corrupt tyrant" who deserves death.  Right now and not in a few months as Nikki Haley predicts.  Because it would be so easy to defeat "Kammy," as he affectionately calls the Vice President.  Charlie is baffled by exactly who or what she is:  


"Is she Black?  I guess she says she's Caribbean or whatever...My team says she's Indian and Caribbean."  It's so important to reduce people to their ancestry before you deal with their obvious totalitarianism, which he doesn't specify.  Obama?  Kenyan.  Soros?  Jewish.  Trump?  Whiter than white.  And so on.  Charlie can't wait to run against "Kammy" (at least Carlson called her "Kamala," while mispronouncing it, because women, especially women of color, don't have surnames).  She'd be "Black Hillary on steroids."  Can I get that on a shirt?

The media in general have decided that Biden is too old to exist, that he trips over things and wears sneakers sometimes because he forgets how old he is and that "accommodations" are made to his decrepitude.  They had no problem when Trump wandered into the office around noon yelling for soda pop and fast food, or when he had to grip Theresa May's hand to negotiate stairs or needed a golf cart to catch up to the G7 leaders in Taormina, Italy, in 2017, when he was 71.  He yells loud and dyes his neck hair yellow every morning so he's dewy-fresh.  Both sides!  What if Biden had to lead this country out of an economic collapse so bad it's still called THE Depression and then through the worst war in planetary history, and did both from a wheelchair because the polio vaccine was still in the future?  What if a special railroad track were built to convey him from his train into the Waldorf-Astoria out of sight of the press and public?  And the Secret Service confiscated pictures of him with crutches or even falling?  Would we all be speaking German now?

Sorry, I digress.  I'll probably do it some more.

If you can believe it, the Kids in the House are talking about impeaching Biden because corruption!  Yesterday Obese-wan Kenobi was raging that they aren't doing enough to protect him from the mutant lunatic Jack Smith and sundry other prosecutors, so Squeaker McCarthy told Sean Hannity that maybe the crimes of the Biden family should be investigated with an eye to you-know-what.  He didn't specify what the crimes were, but the very serious charges have already been filed by very serious Boebert and Greene.  Back on January 12, 2021, CNN had a story called "Biden pushes to prevent impeachment from upending his agenda" and it looks like he's done rather well.  There are two things even I know are not possible, even for a Houseful of primates -- impeaching a president-elect just because you want to get even and expunging the impeachments of a treasonous degenerate because you fear his horde.  But go ahead, Kevin, keep impersonating a sheep.  A nervous one.  History will remember you by asking, "Wasn't he in Invasion of the Body Snatchers?" 

Public faith in the Supreme Court is lower than it was after Dred Scott v. Sandford, but now entire states are flouting its rulings.  In June the Court upheld a lower court decision in Allen v. Milligan that Alabama must re-draw its Congressional map to create a second majority-Black district, reflective of the state's 27 percent Black population.  This week a special session of the legislature passed the "Go chase yourself" bill, telling SCOTUS exactly what it can do with the Voting Rights Act.  There was a compelling reason -- the MAGAts' razor-thin majority in the House.  See what you did, Alito and Thomas, with your fishing vacations and your "Christmas party" cash favors?  Kay Ivey is asking, "How many divisions has the Court?" like some white-haired Granny Stalin.  Thank you very much.

It wouldn't be a day if Mayor Eric Adams didn't say something bizarre.  During an outdoor press conference a passing New Yorker decided to express her opinion:  "Fuck you, Eric Adams!  You are messing with homeless people!"  More calmly than usual, the mayor replied, "She said I'm messing with homeless people...One should be happy if someone wants to make love to them."  The heat?  A stroke?  I give up.  It's better than the time he was asked about rent control at a town hall and berated the 84-year-old questioner with a lengthy demand for "respect":  "Don't stand in front like you treating someone that's on the plantation that you own."  It was non-responsive to her inquiry about the makeup of the Rent Guidelines Board, but it won Worst Deployment of the Race Card Possibly Ever.

The other reason not to name a child Eric, Eric Trump, is more than usually enraged at the way life is treating Daddy.  On Newsmax he told Matt "Big Giant Head" Gaetz how Jack Smith's wife (she has a name, Katy Chevigny, but they can't pronounce it so they call her "Jack Smith's wife") made a documentary about Michelle Obama which proves that the whole "special prosecutor" thing is a plot hatched in their bedroom to "take my father down."  He's still angry about FBI agents searching Daddy's beautiful, classy home and "going through Barron's underwear drawer."  Eric is so distraught that he's forgotten that Barron is his brother and that the panty violation involved his newest mom Melania, who he hates and also lusts for -- allegedly -- and that Smith was still in The Hague with the other globalists at the time, and they ended by singing "Mister, we could use a man like J. Edgar Hoover again."  (No, they didn't.  Stop it.)  But the Bureau and indeed the nation are in a sad state when mutants like Smith and his Michelle Obama-loving wife, who is probably a man, can gang up on Daddy.  Michelle Obama, not Katy Chevigny, the jury's still out on her.  Sorry, the thought of Barron's underwear drawer and its probable contents -- I need a nap.

Florida Man Alfredo "Freddy" Ramirez is in stable condition in a Tampa hospital after shooting himself during an argument with his wife.  Why is this more than local news?  Because Ramirez is the director of the Miami-Dade Police Department.  

There was so much uproar over Lauren Boebert's binning of a Uvalde pin that she came up with a brilliant explanation only two days later:  She was wearing AirBuds and rocking out to "Try This in a Small Town" when accosted by the gun-hater, so she had no choice.  All good now?  (Fact check:  the Buttermilk Sky Organization has no idea what she was listening to; we took a guess.)  (What, it's "Try That?"  We are laying off the research department.)

According to The New Republic Lorie Smith, the woman at the center of 303 Creative v. Elenis -- the case that cited a fictitious request for a website by a man who knew nothing about it -- was guilty of another lie.  She did in fact create a website for a wedding, despite claiming that Colorado law prevented her from practicing her profession.  Oh my.  

Professor Joy Alonzo of Texas A&M was a visiting lecturer at UT Medical Branch in Galveston when she criticized Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick.  She was suspended after being turned in by the daughter of a Patrick crony, and may be investigated and fired.  It's a good thing she didn't mention Greg Abbott -- that's a hanging offense.

Ted Cruz has spent most of the month yelling about a doll.  That is all.

Sunday, July 23, 2023

Grave robbing for beginners

 In law you cannot libel the dead, but in Congress you can lie about them.  That was the takeaway from last week's "Stop Censoring Poor Robert Kennedy, Hasn't He Suffered Enough?" meeting of Jim Jordan's Mad Tea Party.  Temporarily stepping away from the unconscionable suppression of a private citizen's computer, the Hatter bolstered his star witness by pulling out one of Junior's unfounded accusations from 2021, that Hank Aaron died as a result of the covid vaccine.  The Aaron family denied this at the time, but you may recall that everyone who died over a period of months was claimed as a vaccine victim by Kennedy and his fellow crackpots.  "Just pointing out facts," said the Mad Hatter, the standard rightwing locution for "repeating a lie that other liars believe." 

The Lying Disease, for which there is no vaccine, soon spread to the Senate Judiciary Committee.  "Yeah, well, what about...?" is the most popular defense of the indefensible.  Confronted with stolen classified documents, Trump invariably cites docs found in the possession of Joe Biden and Mike Pence, sometimes slipping in the perpetual insinuation about Hillary Clinton's notorious emails.  Jared Kushner's sleazy deal with the Saudis is immediately countered with "Hunter Biden!  Burisma!"  Last week Utah life-form Mike Lee decided it was time to justify the breathtaking corruption of Clarence Thomas by slandering Ruth Bader Ginsburg:  "Some very serious allegations...I've recently become aware of.  The fact [the allegations are now a fact] that she received a one million dollar reward [sic] that went unreported.  I am still reserving assessment as to exactly what to make of that."  Thanks for the exquisite fairness, Senator.  

Lee is apparently referring to the Berggruen Prize, which she received in 2019 and donated to charity.  It was in the New York Times, though the Deseret News may have missed it.  Hinting that it was a bribe is a disservice to the late Justice, the Berggruen Institute and everybody's intelligence.  

If Mike Lee were not an ignorant fool he might have cited the case of Justice Abe Fortas, appointed to the Court by Lyndon Johnson in 1965.  In 1969 he accepted a $20,000 retainer from the family foundation of a friend, financier Louis Wolfson, which was to be an annuity paid to Fortas (and later his widow) for the rest of his life.  Shortly thereafter he returned the money to avoid any suggestion of impropriety.  But the damage was done and his enemies pounced.  Fortas had to resign in 1969.  His real crime was being a Jew and a liberal, and Nixon hated both.  In fact, you could say he weaponized the Justice Department to bring him down.

Tony Bennett died this week, and if even one Republiclown tries to claim him I will become wrathful.  Testimonies from various bloggers have cited his friendship with a Black soldier during World War II and how it cost him a corporal's stripe and led to his re-assignment to Graves Registration, the outfit tasked with disinterring and identifying corpses.  Many celebrities took part in the 1963 March on Washington -- Bennett marched with Martin Luther King from Selma to Montgomery in 1965, a far more dangerous undertaking.  (He was driven to the airport by Viola Liuzzo, who was subsequently murdered by the Klan.)  So keep his name out of your mouths, MAGAts, 'kay?

Thursday, July 20, 2023

Crimes and misdemeanors

 The Intimidate Jack Smith Project has progressed from name-calling to defunding threats to blackmail.  Patrick "Overstock" Byrne, election denier and Oval Office conspirator at the December 18, 2020, planning meeting, has taken to Twitter to insinuate that he has kompromat -- a word he learned from ex-girlfriend Maria Butina -- on Smith.  As he puts it, "On a previous stop on his journey, Jack was a very naughty boy.  And was videotaped in his naughtiness.  He doesn't know that yet."  

Oh, come the fuck on.  This sounds like the kind of note a distraught client would bring into Nero Wolfe's office.  Who posts it on social media?  Despite Elon Musk's best efforts Twitter still has hundreds of subscribers.  Videotape?  Was Smith in high school?  Gettin' jiggy with some cheerleaders?  It must have given Trump pleasure on December 18 to know he wasn't the dumbest one in the room.

I'm sorry.  I can't be expected to find a coherent narrative for the events of the day with this kind of thing going on.  Or this kind:

I tried to warn Margie Greene about the synthetic estrogen, especially the sketchy tablets she gets from Ronny "Candyman" Jackson.  Yesterday she slipped off her perch, regaling an embarrassed Oversight Committee with photos of Hunter Biden's genitalia, blown up like atrocity pictures at Nuremberg ("Figure 26, Himmler's left foot").  A private citizen put pictures of his body on his own computer and now they're what the kids call "revenge porn."  Which is illegal in most states and the District.  DoJ needs to open a new file.  She advised "parental discretion" for all the families watching C-SPAN in the middle of the day, because Republicans are devoted to protecting innocent children and also fetuses.  So now we've established that Hunter was born male, which is an obsession with the nut right.

We've also learned how Black history is to be taught in Florida:  "Students should learn that enslaved people 'developed skills' that 'could be applied for their personal benefit,' and that in teaching about mob violence against Black residents instructors should note 'acts of violence perpetrated against and by African Americans.'"  My italics, their weaseling.  And don't think this won't spread to other red states like a flesh-eating bacteria.

Speaking of which, a full year before the "no water" bill was signed by Greg Abbott, Gabriel Infante was laying fiber optic cable in San Antonio (100F, 75 percent humidity) when he began exhibiting symptoms of heatstroke.  The foreman diagnosed his problem as drug-related and, when EMTs arrived, insisted they administer a drug test.  Infante died in the hospital with a body temperature in excess of 109F.  He was 24 years old.  His mother is suing B Comm Constructors.  In a few weeks they will be within their legal rights to deny the help water breaks, San Antonio having been overruled by state law.

The heat's not going away and neither is the cruelty of Republicans, so maybe it's good news that a study by Emory University, the University of Washington and Seattle Children's Research Institute found that 25 kinds of toxic flame retardant were present in a sampling of human breast milk.  Even if you have to do construction work in Texas, you probably won't burst into flames.  Isn't that good?  Let's say it is.

In New Jersey, Eliyahu Weinstein and four friends were indicted for wire fraud and conspiracy to obstruct justice.  Fans of Ponzi schemes and real estate fraud may remember that Weinstein was in the middle of a lengthy prison term when he was pardoned by one Donald J. Trump, himself no stranger to fraud and obstruction of justice.  So soon, Eli? 

Panic-buying of Viagra has begun!  A tornado damaged a Pfizer facility in Rocky Mount, North Carolina, and shortages of many drugs are anticipated.  The House Oversight Committee will now hold hearings into how this is Biden's fault.


She does not exaggerate.

Good news for Israel:  Trump has been shamed into returning some ancient ceramic oil lamps from the national collection which were lent for a White House Hanukkah celebration in 2019.  The party did not take place and the items somehow wound up at Mar-a-Lago, probably mixed in with golf clothes and newspaper clippings.  Trump was too busy to go through all the boxes and besides Walt Nauta kept moving them from one bathroom to another.  Or they may have accidentally wound up in Melania's purse.  Just right for eyeliner.

Why won't Squeaker McCarthy endorse Trump?  Why isn't he rushing the "expunge impeachments" resolution to the floor?  Maybe because even he knows it's not in the House's power to do any such thing and he doesn't want history to view him as a weakling and a fool.  Hell, let's rewrite more history.  Expunge the Clinton impeachment.  Reverse the Gulf of Tonkin resolution.  Did we really enter World War I?  With all that's happened, surely the Hollywood Ten should not be held in contempt of Congress.  Yes, Mr. Orwell, you called it.  


Wednesday, July 19, 2023

Feral Polecats USA

 The first of many Trials of the Century took place in 1907, when Harry K. Thaw was charged with the murder of celebrity architect Stanford White.  Bolstered by family money, he wound up in a mental hospital instead of prison.  Years later, it is said, Thaw attended the opening of Radio City Music Hall and, gazing around the lobby, remarked, "I shot the wrong architect."  I sometimes wonder if Sirhan Sirhan watches the news in the prison rec room and thinks, "I shot the wrong Robert Kennedy."

If that sounds crass, read today's Guardian summary of the racist, antisemitic, anti-science and random demented idiocy that has filled his public discourse for decades.  When he expounds the Bill Gates "injectable chip" theory or insists "African blood" is more sensitive to vaccines, he's not just reaching out to the MAGA mobs -- he really believes this stuff.  He uses his family name to secure a public hearing that the nut on the corner could never reach from his soapbox, and it is impossible to tell how many lives have been damaged or ended by his anti-vaccine crusades, reaching back to "HIV does not cause AIDS" and fluoridation "drugs children."  

It's about to get worse.  The Gym Jordan Egomania Project, officially known as the subcommittee on "Weaponization of the Federal Government," has invited Kennedy to share his crackpot notions with Congressional imprimatur as another way to undermine Joe Biden and promote social chaos.  If people die, that's not their problem because people should "do the research" and make up their own minds about medicine, just as Kennedy did.  He's a lawyer, by the way, not a doctor or a scientist or even a med school dropout.  And he may have information about Hunter Biden's laptop.

Republicans don't believe poor Americans have a right to eat -- they made that clear when Empty Greene raged against Lyndon Johnson's Great Society programs at Turning Stomach Florida  --  so it's not surprising that two of their worst decided to welcome Israeli President Herzog to Washington by blocking $75 million in food aid for Palestinians.  The hope seems to be that this will increase violence in the occupied territories, giving Israel an excuse to step up retaliatory attacks.  Jim Risch of Idaho is especially concerned that the UN Relief and Works Agency, which would distribute the aid, may be "promoting antisemitism."  If Senator Risch is troubled by antisemitism, he may want to look into these folks reviving the Aryan Nations in his own state.  Or possibly not.

Sticks and stones...For weeks Trump has vented his impotent rage at Jack Smith by calling him every name from "globalist" to "mutant."  Eyeing that second slot on the MAGA ticket, Empty Greene decided to pile on by describing him as "a weak little bitch" who is bad at his job.  This followed surprisingly fast on Trump's extended rant about receiving a target letter suggesting he will soon be charged with more crimes in the January 6 coup attempt.  Also, his dear friend Judge Aileen Cannon ("very smart and very strong, and loves our country") may not be smart enough to grant the postponement he wants in the Poolshed Papers case, in which case she too will be a "weak little bitch" and possibly a mutant.  Words are all they have, and not many of those.  

Of course, words come with an implicit or explicit threat of violence.  The latest example is a video accompanying Jason Aldean's "Try That in a Small Town," which celebrates lynching as a way to express support for police and death for everybody who does not accept their unquestionable authority.  It was apparently filmed in front of the courthouse in Columbia, Tennessee, where a man named Henry Choate was lynched in 1927.  When Ashton Pittman wrote about this in the Mississippi Free Press, CMT took the video out of rotation, leading to the usual accusations of "canceling" Aldean's free speech.  Guess who "stands with" Aldean?  Coiffure victim Marsha Blackburn.  (Aldean insists the video is not racist but his Halloween blackface says otherwise.)

Aldean was performing at the Route 91 Harvest Festival in Las Vegas in 2017 when Stephen Paddock killed 61 people and wounded more than 400, but he still loves guns as much as he does cops.  Maybe he'll write a song about the three-year-old in Fallbrook, California, who shot and killed a year-old sibling with an unsecured handgun.  The video could star Lauren Boebert, who was presented with a pin showing the green Converse sneakers Maite Rodriguez was wearing when she was murdered at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas.  Gracious as ever, she threw it away in full view of the gun-control advocates.  In the video, she could spit on it and then cackle.  (The Converse shoes have been adopted as a symbol because they were the only way Maite's body could be identified.)

If the Second Amendment (God save it!) means anything, it means the rights of Stephen Paddock and the toddler in Fallbrook and all the rest of our well-ordered militia.  Where they go one they go all, am I right?


Monday, July 17, 2023

Notice: Engage brain before operating mouth

 Who is Robert Kennedy, Junior, outraging this week?  His own family, for a start.  Re-packaging a conspiracy theory he found on some website, Kennedy told the flatulence dinner that the covid virus was "targeted to attack Caucasians and Black people," while "the people who are most immune are Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese."  His sister Kerry Kennedy responded, "I strongly condemn my brother's deplorable and untruthful remarks, while his nephew Joseph Kennedy III "unequivocally condemned" them.  Even the White House has had enough -- Karine Jean-Pierre labeled his racism "vile."  Of course Uncle Bob is claiming he was "smeared" by a New York Post reporter named Jon Levine.  It's our old friend the "mainstream media" trying to make him look like "a crank."  

For those who prefer lighthearted bigotry there was the event where pitchers Bronson Arroyo and Danny Graves and general manager Gabe Paul were inducted into the Cincinnati Reds Hall of Fame.  Pete Rose recounted how Paul initially signed him for $400 a month.  Paul's daughter remarked that it was cheap, causing Johnny Bench to observe, "He was Jewish."  The audience laughed.  The team is no longer owned by Marge Schott, who collected Nazi memorabilia, but some people didn't get the memo.  Bench later apologized without blaming the mainstream media.

Rep. Pramila Jayapal told Netroots Nation, "I think I want you to know that we have been fighting to make it clear that Israel is a racist state."  Then she said, "I do not believe the idea that Israel as a nation is racist."  Rather, Benjamin Netanyahu's far-right government has engaged in "discriminatory and outright racist policies."  Well, which is it?  Words matter.  For the record, finance minister Bezalel Smotrich describes himself as a "fascist homophobe," so the Congresswoman's confusion is not entirely unwarranted.

It was Turning Point weekend in Florida and all the usual suspects showed up spouting all the usual garbage.  The most surprising speech was Margie Greene's because she thought she could destroy Joe Biden by comparing his policies to Lyndon Johnson's Great Society -- the source of Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps and the civil rights legislation of the 1960s.  The Republican inability to read the room was never more in evidence, but throw in Social Security and Roe v. Wade and they must have a cunning plan to lose the next five elections.  

Many prominent Black women have criticized the Supreme Court's decision destroying affirmative action, and Charlie Kirk took this to mean that no Black woman can achieve prominence without it -- not Ketanji Brown Jackson or Joy Reid or Sheila Jackson Lee.  He tipped his hand by omitting Harris Faulkner and Kristina Karamo, of course, and left some people puzzled by including Michelle Obama among those who "had to go steal a white person's slot."  Yes, the Great First Lady Replacement Theory.

Needless to say there was much discussion of the cocaine discovered at the White House, none more hilarious than Junior Trump's insistence that "I don't snort cocaine."  He's just had a persistent summer cold for the last seven years.  And allergies.  But it was for Daddy to label Joe Biden a "crackhead."  Even Republicans rolled their eyes.


Friday, July 14, 2023

Vive la France!

So many choices

 Keith Olbermann's daily podcast now appears on YouTube and I have come to rely on it to defibrillate my day (I'm way past needing a mere jump-start).  I admire the way he manages to boil down the "miscreants, morons and Dunning-Kruger Effect specimens" he calls "Worst Person in the World" to just one.  (The original WPITW was Bob & Ray's designation for the never-named John Simon, misogynistic theater critic voted the most hated Serb since Gavrilo Princip.)  Today it feels like there are so many candidates...well, I can't choose one even by eliminating the regulars.

Brought to you by Kretchford Braid and Tassel.  Next time you think of braid or tassel, rush into your neighborhood store and shout, "Kretchford!"  I totally love Bob & Ray.

(7) James Nott of Mount Washington, Kentucky, was arrested on gun charges.  Why is this interesting?  The feds who arrested him found his apartment decorated with human skulls related to the ever-expanding Harvard Medical School stolen body parts case.  Gun charges?

(6) Christine Geiger co-owns a hair salon in Traverse City, Michigan, and wants it known that LGBTQ people are NOT welcome.  But she couldn't leave it at that SCOTUS-approved place:  "If a human identifies as anything other than a man/woman please seek services at a local pet groomer."  She went on to insult Governor Whitmer and connect trans people with pedophilia.  And on and on.  If I had to guess, I'd say she plans on running for something, maybe challenging Kristina Karamo for head Michigan idiot.

(5) Confirming the diagnosis of Nikki Haley, Fox News expert and covid disinformationist Dr. Marc Siegel gave Joe Biden a 50-percent chance of surviving a second term, while fellow expert Piers Morgan gravely agreed that "he seems to be degenerating."  Siegel, an internist who coached Trump through his triumphant cognitive test ("Person, woman, man, camera, TV"), has never treated Biden.  Neither has Morgan.

(4) Four years of medical school down the drain but she's got a ton of Tik-Tok fans.  Katharine Grawe a/k/a Dr. Roxy has lost her medical license in Ohio for livestreaming plastic surgery procedures, causing at least three patients to suffer serious complications while she chatted into the camera.  

(3)  This is Alfred Guenigault, 98 and a veteran of D-Day.  He's not the worst-person candidate.  That would be his unnamed landlord, who evicted him, his daughter and son-in-law from the bungalow in Ferndown, Dorset, where they have lived for seven years.  He moved into a single room in a hostel; his daughter, who is also his carer, now lives down the hall.  "I don't want to make a fuss," Mr. Guenigault said.  "I suppose life goes on.  The problem is I have lived too long."  The landlord's kids want to sell up while house prices are sky high.  They probably never heard of D-Day.

(2) With so many disgusting life-forms in this Congress, a freshman has an uphill crawl to stand out from the mob.  Eli Crane (R-AZ) made his bid as his cult party dismantled diversity requirements in the National Defense Authorization Act:  "My amendment has nothing to do with whether or not colored people or Black people or anybody can serve."  Rep. Joyce Beatty (D-OH) asked that his 1950s language be stricken from the Congressional Record.  I think it should have stood as testament to the Republican mindset in 2023.  (Which Foxmouth will be the first to say, "Well, it's still called the National Association for the Advancement of COLORED People," with maximum smarm?)

(1) Crane's competition comes from Matt Rosendale of Montana's newly created 2nd District:  "We have drag shows at Malmstrom Air Force Base.  There are 150 ICBM missiles that are being controlled by the air force base and by these individuals.  I do not want someone who doesn't know if they are a man or a woman with their hand on a missile button."  Some balsamic vinegar dressing with your word salad, Congressman?  

Here are some captured British soldiers putting on a drag show during World War I.  Nevertheless  Britain defeated Germany.

Brought to you by the Auburn Motor Car Company, makers of fine automobiles up to, but not including, 1938.  


Thursday, July 13, 2023

Is it safe?

 Orcas, alligators, sharks...sea otters?  Adorable little guys who live near the water?  Say it ain't so.

The otter known as 841 has been observed chasing surfers off their boards so she can use them, according to Mark Woodward, alias Native Santa Cruz.  

Awwww...I guess it's not so damn cute if it was your board.  The so-called natural world, of which we pretend we are not part, is uniting against us.  If you live with cats, don't turn your back.

As if to appease them, the European Union passed a law to protect nature, only somewhat watered down by the right.  By 2050 it will extend recovery measures to all of Europe's degraded ecosystems, assuming the earth doesn't burn up or drown before then.  Excessive rain has caused floods from Vermont to Spain to India, China and Japan.  Excessive heat has already killed hundreds before mid-July.  In response, Ted Cruz is circulating a memo opposing climate proposals in Joe Biden's 2024 budget because hell, it's only the future of the planet.  If you can't take the heat, stay out of Texas.

The Republicans have more important issues to tackle, like the FBI's role in stealing the 2022 election (remember the Red Wave?) by hiding the contents of Hunter Biden's laptop; like the ACE Act (American Confidence in Elections), designed to make voting harder and dark money easier; like the Secret Service's inconclusive investigation into Blowgate; like why Gal Luft had to flee the country to avoid ending up like Seth Rich.  Governing is hard.

We've seen the "little bitch" faceoff of Greene and Boebert, and we're awaiting the outcome of the Zuck-Musk "tale of the tape," because this is completely adult behavior in 2023.  Have you heard about the RFK, Jr., fart fight?  Reluctantly, I have.  Apparently the "candidate" held a press dinner at a Manhattan restaurant, which deteriorated into an argument about climate change, which deteriorated into a farting contest between gossip columnist Doug Dechert and art critic Anthony Haden-Guest, in which only Dechert actually expelled methane.  It was all very unimportant except to remind us that "trump" is Brit slang for fart.  His taint is everywhere.

"Defund the police" is a slogan that never had much traction -- the police are like sewage treatment plants, you may not like having them around but you'd notice if they stopped working.  Nevertheless "defund" has joined "woke" on the list of terms Republicans like to invoke without reference to what they mean.  Gym Jordan wants to defund almost every part of government charged with investigating crimes, from the January 6 coup attempt to the abuse of wrestlers at Ohio State.  He wants to scrap the new FBI headquarters in DC and move the agency to Huntsville, Alabama, now that Tommy Tupperware lost the state the Space Command headquarters by being a dick.  He wants to punish the ATF for a pistol brace regulation the NRA doesn't like.  He's even barging into foreign policy, demanding that federal money not be used to prevent Benjamin Netanyahu from fouling up Israel's judiciary, certainly a major concern for Ohio voters.  And by the way, who stole his jacket?  Well?

Earlier this week I mentioned my sadness that Douglas Adams is not here.  Among other reasons, I'd like him to express his disgust at this life-form calling him "my hero."  Fuck directly off, you nepo hump.  Work for one week in an emerald mine and if you survive, fuck off some more.

"As Ron DeSamsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic Anopheles mosquito."

As previously mentioned, Florida has a tiny problem with malaria (six cases, all recovering), exacerbated by the state's tiny problem in attracting and holding public health officials, i.e., doctors.  I can't imagine why.  By the way, the water temperature off the Florida coast is in excess of 90F, which means you can bathe and cook your breakfast egg at the same time.  Well done, state that banned official use of the term "climate change" long before DeSamsa took over.  

Wednesday, July 12, 2023

No conscience

 A name we'll be learning in days to come is Rajan Vasisht, who appears to have been Clarence Thomas's bagman.  Between 2019 and 2021 he was in charge of the justice's Venmo account, where attorneys with business before the Supreme Court made their payments, usually tagged as "Thomas Christmas Party."  No crude envelopes full of cash for them.  Vasisht did not respond to the Guardian's questions about this lavish Christmas party, but they did manage to obtain a list of the generous lawyers and their cases.  Your move, Mr. Chief Justice.  I crack myself up.

Christopher Wray spent six hours refuting Republican claims that he's ignoring "the Biden shakedown regime," that the FBI instigated Trump's coup attempt, that he's "biased against conservatives," that Gal Luft's indictment was just an attempt to intimidate their "whistleblower" and similar idiocy.  Their apologists (Fox News) are telling the even lower information folks that Luft was indicted last week in "retaliation," though he has been on the lam since his indictment last November.  

Trump wants his trial for stealing the Poolshed Papers and displaying them to random visitors to be delayed until after the election, because he plans on pardoning himself and everyone who hasn't turned state's evidence (not you, Giuliani) and using the full force of "his" government to Dachau everybody else.  He has a list.  It's misspelled, but it's real.

Mike Lindell is auctioning off his company's assets.  Will Elon Musk soon do the same?  The people he fired to make Twitter fall apart last year have filed a class action suit for half a billion dollars in severance pay, which is roughly the amount Twitter loses every six months.  Meanwhile he can bask in the approval of Anas Haqqani, a senior leader of the Taliban.  It's getting harder to find a site that won't cancel your hate but Haqqani is happy with Elon's approach to "freedom of speech."  And credibility, plenty of credibility.

Todd Rokita of Indiana and six other Republican attorneys general issued a vague threat against Target for displaying Pride merchandise last month, couched in language about protecting children from "sexually explicit" materials.  The condoms and dildos they sell from July through May are presumably heterosexual and fine.  Now we'll see what kind of lawyers Target retains.

Tuesday, July 11, 2023

Welcome to the heat dome

 Have you seen this man?

No, wait, wrong man.  This is Larry Nassar, physician and sex criminal, serving lots of time for molesting gymnasts on the US Olympic Team and elsewhere.  He got shanked yesterday.  Forget him.

This is the man so many people are looking for.  His name is Gal Luft, he founded a "think tank" called Institute for the Analysis of Global Security, and according to the FBI he has contributed to global security by brokering arms deals, violating US sanctions on Iran and spying for China.  But wait, there's more:  Mr. Luft, who holds US and Israeli citizenship, is the elusive "missing witness" who would, we were promised, blow the roof off the Biden Crime Family if James Comer and his Comettes could just coax him into their committee room.  It sounds like his own legal problems make Hunter Biden look like Captain America.  And yes, he jumped bail because "I did not believe I will receive a fair trial in a New York court."  Last seen in Cyprus, probably headed for Moscow.  Like Rick's Cafe Americaine, everybody comes to Moscow.

Evidence be damned, Trump knows that Hunter Biden is guilty of all the crimes.  Once again he's been let down by one of his best people, David Weiss, US attorney for Delaware.  "A smaller version of Bill Barr" (ouch!), he "gave out a traffic ticket instead of a death sentence."  That seems harsh for missing a couple of income tax deadlines, but Obese-wan Kenobi hasn't been close to making sense in a long time.  Now we're hearing that he wanted the IRS to audit two of his pet hates, Lisa Page and Peter Strzok.  I believe that's called "weaponizing the government."  Comer should look into it.  Pigs should fly.

For the first time since 1859 the Marine Corps has no commandant.  It's all down to Tommy Tuberville's prolonged hissy-fit at the US military because he doesn't like their pro-choice policies.  More than two hundred promotions have been blocked, but this is the jewel in his dunce cap.  Alabama, do better.  Sure, he's a loud and proud white nationalist but I'm sure you have others.

Pillow magnate Mike Lindell is responding to a business setback in the traditional Rightzi way, by whining and blaming others.  "We lost $100 million from attacks by the box stores, the shopping networks, the shopping channels, all of them did cancel culture on us," by which he means they stopped carrying his merchandise because customers are repulsed by his lunatic conspiracy theories.  He's auctioning off trucks, computers and machines used to make junk rubber into pillows.  In addition to falling sales, he owes $5 million to the winner of the "Prove Mike Wrong" competition, who did, and more money to the lawyers who file his nuisance lawsuits about the 2020 election and have to defend the $1.3 billion defamation suit from Dominion Voting Systems.

This just in:  Joe Biden uses bad words.  It's been over a year since he called Peter Doocy "a stupid son of a bitch" and nothing has happened to prove him wrong, but he uses the f-word and the s-word and even takes the gourd's name in vain.  It's probably because he's old and senile and forgets how to say "h-e-double-hockey-sticks" and "golly gosh darn it" like Mike Pence.  Wait until he finds out that AI has determined the ultimate swear-word to be "ber."  I don't think it will replace "fuck you" but I can't help but remember Deep Thought determining that the answer to everything is 42.  Douglas Adams should be here for this.  He should be here anyway.

Judge Arlene Bluth has ordered Steve Bannon to pay his lawyers' tab of nearly half a million dollars.  Check your mailbox for an entreaty, Red Hat Nation.

Saturday, July 08, 2023

Everything you know is wrong

(Apologies to the Firesign Theater, but I need it more today.)

If you've watched any documentaries or read any books or even seen a few Mel Brooks movies, you probably believe Adolf Hitler had a problem with Jews.  Not so, says James Corbett, who stopped by Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s podcast "Good Morning CHD" (that's Children's Health Defense, not C.H.U.D.) to share conspiracy theories.  Corbett supports all the usual ones as well as one I never heard of:  "Hitler was a Rothschild...Hitler and the Nazis were one hundred percent completely and utterly set up and made into what they were by the international banking community and the international crony capitalists, including those in America."  When it comes to leaving you breathless, it's rivaled only by David Icke's "the royal family are lizard people."  Since CHD is Kennedy's baby, so to speak, dedicated to protecting innocent children from being immunized against polio and other diseases, we have to assume he shares this view.  It wouldn't be the craziest thing he believes (WiFi makes your brain leak, Anthony Fauci led "a coup against Western democracy," Trump is the greatest debater since Lincoln, toxic chemicals cause boys to change their gender, etc.), but it's certainly the most colorful.  So far.

Most Americans had never heard of the Tulsa Race Massacre of 1921 until just a few years ago, because it was never taught in schools, even (or especially) in Oklahoma.  Now we know that white residents of Tulsa, responding to a false rumor that a Black teenager had assaulted a white female elevator operator, rolled into the prosperous district of Greenwood (sometimes called Black Wall Street), killed several hundred residents, burned almost all buildings to the ground and even bombed it from a plane, the first use of that particular technique in US history.  Bodies are still being discovered in mass graves.  A living witness, 107-year-old Viola Fletcher, testified to the House Judiciary Committee two years ago when it was still interested in facts.  It happened.  It was a race riot.

Or was it?  Oklahoma has itself a new superintendent of education named Ryan Walters and he's fine with teaching the riot in public schools, just without reference to race.  That would be Critical Race Theory as defined by idiots, and that is not permitted.  At the Norman Central Library he asserted, "Let's not tie it to the skin color and say that the skin color determined that."  Maybe students who are confused about why half the population of Tulsa suddenly lost their minds one night will seek out the episode of HBO's Watchmen which introduced most people to the event, albeit in fictional form.  From there, some will want to read the real history in whatever books the Norman Central Library and others are still permitted to offer.  I hope so.  I hope they get angry enough to wonder why their schools let them down and do something about it.  By then, Walters will be running for governor.  (He has already characterized the teachers' union as a "terrorist organization," which suggests a certain ambition.)

If you have wondered what Jim Caviezel has been doing since he was unfairly denied even an Academy Award nomination for The Passion of the Christ, you can stop wondering.  He's in theaters now starring as Tim Ballard, founder of Operation Underground Railroad (OUR), which says it rescues children from the "adrenochrome empire" bent on harvesting their precious bodily fluids for the use of Hollywood celebrities and other Democrats.  All of this is perfectly mad, but so are all those movies about aliens and X-Men which don't claim to be documentaries.  The film's makers are livid that no one seems to take it seriously, especially the Guardian, where Charles Bramesco was less than enthusiastic.  By way of rebuttal they are calling him a "pedo," along with everyone else who awarded it no stars.  The producers have not resorted to the antisemitic rants with which Mel Gibson defended his film; for those you have to await the release of Revenge of the Christ or whatever the sequel is called, with Caviezel reprising his role as Thou-Knowest-Who.  Let's see the Academy ignore this one!

If it does, there's always The American Liberty Awards.  Organized by Matt Baker, who I'm pretty sure is Alex Jones with dreadlocks, its premise is "The globalists have the Oscars, the Grammys, the Tonys...we have The Libbys."  They promise to honor those disrespected by "the corporate globalist system" -- can you hear the dog-whistles at the back? -- and style themselves "The Awards Show of the People, by the People, for the People."  August 12 in Austin, be there or you're a pedo.

That was "Most Powerful Song" nominee "I'm Angry" by comedian Nick Lutsko.  Based on this and his other works ("Joe Biden Wants to Take Your Meat," "Donald Trump's Speeches as an Emo Song," "Trump v. Talking Heads --  Swedemason") I don't think Lutsko is Libby material.  But nobody ever accused the right of having a sense of humor.  

Nick recorded "Give Me Tucker's Show" two years ago.  How did he know?


Thursday, July 06, 2023

Centrifugal Thursday

 Centrifugal force makes things fly away from a center.  Trouble is, things fall apart and the center cannot hold.  If there even is a center.

Add another lawyer scalp to Trump's collection.  Lin Wood, a respected Atlanta attorney until he drank the Kool-Aid and put on the red hat, has "retired" his law license.  He will be remembered for good work on behalf of Richard Jewell, wrongfully accused of the 1996 Centennial Olympic Park bombing.  By the end, his own partners were suing him and the Georgia bar was about to expel him.  

Jack Smith's investigation into Bad Loser v. Biden has now expanded to Arizona, with subpoenas served on the secretary of state's office.  Arizona was one of the states where a bunch of phony electors were chosen to replace the real ones, among other malarkey.  Then-Governor Doug Ducey got wind of it and refused to take Trump's call.  Some trolls calling themselves the Cyber Ninjas were hired at public expense to conduct an "audit," which amusingly turned up more votes for Biden.  It was a strange time.

Private employers added nearly half a million jobs last month.  Gas prices continue to fall.  Clearly Biden is destroying America.  "Do the people of this once great nation even have a choice but to protest?" asks the worst criminal in American history.  Well, do we?  I for one would like to see the justice system shift into a higher gear.  

All right, story of the day:  A bag possibly containing cocaine was discovered Sunday night by the Secret Service in the West Wing of the White House.  Nothing else is known, but Trump already knows it belongs to both Joe and Hunter Biden and also Jack Smith "looks like a crackhead to me!"  Junior, please request an appointment to tell Daddy that crack is not powder and that Smith is too busy putting his ass in prison to sit around freebasing.  Thank you and good luck with that Australian tour, you big baby.  It's a long flight -- what are you and Kimmy bringing as a "boost"?

It seems only days ago that we were told Biden's corrupt Navy sank the Titan submersible solely to distract from Hunter Biden's involvement with the Delaware US attorney.  Could the coke be a distraction from Trump's growing list of indictments and defecting lawyers?  I'm just asking questions here.

The Republican war on child labor laws claimed its first victim of the year when a sixteen-year-old died at a sawmill in Florence County, Wisconsin.  A suggested rule of thumb:  Too young to have his name made public = too young to work in a sawmill.

I don't know what you have to do to get booted from the House Freedom Caucus but Margie Greene managed it.  Well done, caucus.  Well done, Margie.

How do you lead a small country in a war against an invading nuclear power on your border?  If you're Volodymyr Zelenskyy you get up early and work out to AC/DC.  Expect to hear more about the old accusation of "satanic" lyrics in "Highway To Hell," c. 1979.  Really?  I feel old. 

A Tennessee woman named Claudia Ackley died over the weekend.  She dedicated her life to convincing people she had seen a Sasquatch in California, even suing the state to force them to take her seriously.  (The suit was dismissed.)  The Bigfoot community mourns.

Our children are the future, nowhere more so than in Wisconsin.  By tweaking the state budget Governor Tony Evers locked in an annual increase in school funding that runs through 2425.  I predict a legal challenge but it's still a wonderful gesture.

Wednesday, July 05, 2023

Potential doom

 It's not a holiday until Agolf Twitler rants, and the cornered rat did not disappoint.  It's surprising that his phone still works after spending so much time in ALL CAPS mode.

For those whose lips get tired if they have to read a bunch of words, there was a re-Troof from a particularly articulate supporter:  "Fuck Biden and fuck you for voting for him.  81 million votes and I've never seen a pro-Biden hat, shirt or flag in my life."  Of course, the campaign gear is not obligatory, only the votes, and covering your pickup with Trump stickers, flags and toilet paper does not count as additional votes.  I happen to have a (replica) WIN WITH WILLKIE button, but wearing it does not seem to affect the outcome of the 1940 election.  But Agolf took up the chant:  "True:  No Biden hats anywhere.  Never seen one!"  So STOLEN ELECTION!!1!

The main missive was the usual lament for America (him), its decline as a result of enforcement of the Espionage Act (against him), its descent into a laughingstock among the nations (mainly Russia, Hungary and Belarus) and its "potential doom" if the charges are not dropped with many fulsome apologies.  Yadda yadda yadda.  For Labor Day, maybe hire some jingle writers.

In fact there are many Biden hats, shirts, bumper stickers and so on.  We just have to be careful where we deploy them because Trumpanzees have a well-documented history of violence against people and property.  Also guns.  (People were punched, spat on and insulted for wearing a mask during the pandemic, without reference to Biden.)  But here's a nice one with a rainbow that even mentions Kamala Harris, who the media will tell you is the least popular woman since Typhoid Mary Mallon:

 They're probably made in China because everything is.  But we're not hypocrites about it, blaming China for covid, fentanyl and shark attacks while beseeching them to grant patents to Ivanka Kushner's knockoff purses and shoes.  (Yes, she has apparently taken her husband's name.  Make of it what you will.)  

The actual president's July 4 message was more traditional:  "Jill and I were honored to celebrate this Independence Day with our military families who represent a link in a chain of honor that stretches back to our founding days."  Speaking of honor, this is how Captain Bonespurs sees himself:


And he was still telling Brett Baier how he actually won in 2020.  Perfectly delusional.

Why can't we be -- I never thought I'd write this -- more like Brazil?  Their superior electoral court ruled 5-2 to bar Jair Bolsonaro from running for public office until 2030.  They found that he had peddled "immoral" and "appalling lies" about Brazil's electronic voting system.  The president of the court declared its "repulsion toward the shameful populism...reborn from the flames of hateful and anti-democratic speech and statements which propagate disgraceful disinformation."  Also, on January 8, 2023, a mob of his supporters ransacked the court, congress and presidential palace as they tried to overturn the election of President Lula da Silva.  It's downright eerie.  And Bolsonaro has not been indicted for stealing classified documents and stashing them in his cabana.  "My goodness gracious, this is an injustice," he complained, which is a lot more dignified than "Fuck Lula."  Who's the banana republic now?

Protesters from Just Stop Oil disrupted one of the UK's most sacred events, Wimbledon, while two blokes in white clothes were playing tennis.  It's hard to blame them -- yesterday was the hottest day in the history of the world, breaking the record set twenty-four hours earlier.  By now yesterday's record, 17.18C, has probably been broken, too.  That's 62.9F, which sounds chilly until you remember it's Antarctica as well as Tehran, where this poor cab driver is trying to survive:

Everyone is a-tizzy about shark attacks but my advice is, keep an eye on the 'gators.  Last month a couple in New Iberia, Louisiana, were awakened by their dog, which felt they ought to know a five-foot alligator had entered through the dog flap.  Yesterday a woman walking her dog in Hilton Head, South Carolina, was killed by an alligator.  An alligator took the arm of a man in Fort Myers, Florida, who left a bar to urinate in a pond.  (I don't blame it.  Use the men's room.)  In February a woman in St. Lucie County, Florida, was killed by a ten-foot alligator.  Sharks are easy to avoid -- stay out of the water.  These critters have legs, and enormous jaws, and a big appetite.

Could anyone's Fourth of July message have been more insultingly stupid than Trump's?  I'm glad you asked.  The official twitter account of the Republican Party read, "247 years ago, our forefathers told Ol' King George to get lost!  Happy Independence Day from the GOP!"  But it wasn't the faux-folksiness of the billionaires' party, it was the accompanying illustration:

 Yes, it's the one-star flag of Liberia.  "This is what happens when you ban books," observed one recipient.  Apparently the lazy bastards lifted it from the Austin Police Department, so shame on them, too.  It's the fault of the Liberians, of course, for designing their flag as a tribute to the country that more or less invented them.  Anyway, it lightened the gloom so many feel after the depredations of the Supreme Court and the refusal of Josh Hawley to vanish in a puff of sulphuric smoke.

And so we stagger into our 248th year, gators snapping at our heels.