Sunday, May 15, 2016

Every day a little death

The pharmaceutical giant Pfizer announced on Friday that it had imposed sweeping controls on the distribution of its products to ensure that none are used in lethal injections, a step that closes off the last remaining open-market source of drugs used in executions.
Pfizer said it would restrict the sale to selected wholesalers of seven products that could be used in executions. The distributors must certify that they will not resell the drugs to corrections departments and will be closely monitored.
Not to worry, killer states.  Pfizer makes another product which is freely available and can be used to give the condemned an erection lasting over four hours.  Repeat as needed.

Saturday, May 07, 2016

Hooray for New Math!

From Raw Story:

"An award-winning professor from Penn was removed from an American Airlines flight on Thursday after his seatmate reported him as a  terrorist based on watching him do some math calculations while waiting to take off...Guido Menzio was forced to explain to FBI officials that he was doing research..."

How do we know he wasn't radicalized by al-Gebra?  Children all over the country are exposed to this alien arithmetic.  I blame Common Core even though I have no idea what it is.  Barack HUSSEIN Obama!  It's not too late for impeachment, sheeple.

Tuesday, May 03, 2016

Spiders in Chernobyl weave deformed webs

That was the headline on my log-on page, and I know exactly how they feel.  (Are they catching mutant flies, who scream "HELP ME" in tiny voices?)  "When you awake, you will remember everything," The Band sang long ago.  That's the problem.  Am I awake?  I kept waiting for the Trump campaign to burn itself out or suppurate or something, but no.  It's as if, at the climax of A Face In the Crowd, Lonesome Rhodes went off on his audience and instead of outrage, they just smiled and said, "He's right, we are dumb shitheads.  He's so honest. Arthur Godfrey would never say that.  What a guy.  Let's give him the launch codes."

Surreality is the new reality.  Last night America was apparently informed that Rafael Cruz (the senator's father) was an associate of Lee Harvey Oswald.  (I have to say "apparently" because all I have is a Trump transcript, and it's easier to parse the Dead Sea Scrolls than his authentic Queens gibberish.)  That his source is the National Inquirer makes me long for the good old days, when Ronald Reagan got his information from the Reader's Digest, and Sarah Palin was unable to name any periodicals at all.  There were giants in the earth, we just didn't know it.  Trump is amoral, narcissistic, detached from reality and a pathological liar.  If it's true, does it matter that this acute character analysis comes from the equally disgusting Ted Cruz?  And that even John Boehner called Cruz (in an uncharacteristic burst of eloquence) "Lucifer incarnate"?  At what point does this enemy-of-my-enemy-of-my-enemy fugue turn into a wilderness of mirrors?  (Fugue?  Mirrors?  You see what I've been brought to?)  When do we awake?

I have an apocalyptic vision of my own, and it's called an Open Convention.  On the streets of Cleveland where Harvey Pekar once walked, I want a Second Amendment face-off between the Tedophiles and the Stormtrumpers.  I want the National Guard to come in at the end and kill the wounded.  I want American splendor and deformed spider webs. 

Jesus, I can't face another six months of this.