"Black Hillary on steroids"

 Or "Barron's underwear drawer."

Stay with me, all will be made clear.

I think we can agree that it's too hot even for July, not just in Texas.  Prison inmates who have not been condemned to death there regularly die anyway because 70 percent of prisons have no air conditioning (or life support, as we call it in coastal Georgia).  At least "illegals," as the governor describes the sub-humans who try to reach his shores, enjoy a refreshing dip in the Rio Grande before being impaled on razor wire; the lucky few who survive get a free bus ride to Los Angeles or the Vice President's house in Washington or, for special winners, Martha's Vineyard at the height of the season.  But the whole country, and most of the world, is just as dog-maddeningly hot because Greta Thunberg is right and the deniers are wrong.

But I digress.  I do that a lot.  Faced with evidence of their own moral and intellectual vapidity, the right grow madder and more desperate.  Nearly eighteen months into his illegal imperialist war on Ukraine, Putin knows he can't win and has entered into whatever is Russian for Goetterdammerung.  He reneged on the deal to allow Ukraine to export grain, condemning whole nations to hunger or worse.  He followed up with attacks on Odesa and other Black Sea ports.  He is mining the Black Sea, and the UN suspects attacks on civilian shipping will follow.  His defense minister Sergei Shoigu has been dispatched to everybody's crazy relative North Korea to shore up "military ties," which helps to explain the random missile-lobbing the fat dictator is currently involved with.  His general Surovikin has not been seen since the faux coup and is described as "resting," probably in peace.  (He may be resting with the Chinese foreign minister Qin Gang, who also hasn't been seen for a month.)  The Russian Arctic is being "militarized" and poisoned, presumably for an invasion of...Canada?  In short, SNAFU shading toward FUBAR.

The MAGAs are more demented than usual as they wait for further indictments of their cult leader to drop, though they should be used to it by now.  Spokesman Charlie Kirk offered a sage assessment of restoring Trump to power by removing Joe Biden because of all the crimes he has committed and also for being a "bumbling dementia-filled Alzheimers corrupt tyrant" who deserves death.  Right now and not in a few months as Nikki Haley predicts.  Because it would be so easy to defeat "Kammy," as he affectionately calls the Vice President.  Charlie is baffled by exactly who or what she is:  

 

"Is she Black?  I guess she says she's Caribbean or whatever...My team says she's Indian and Caribbean."  It's so important to reduce people to their ancestry before you deal with their obvious totalitarianism, which he doesn't specify.  Obama?  Kenyan.  Soros?  Jewish.  Trump?  Whiter than white.  And so on.  Charlie can't wait to run against "Kammy" (at least Carlson called her "Kamala," while mispronouncing it, because women, especially women of color, don't have surnames).  She'd be "Black Hillary on steroids."  Can I get that on a shirt?

The media in general have decided that Biden is too old to exist, that he trips over things and wears sneakers sometimes because he forgets how old he is and that "accommodations" are made to his decrepitude.  They had no problem when Trump wandered into the office around noon yelling for soda pop and fast food, or when he had to grip Theresa May's hand to negotiate stairs or needed a golf cart to catch up to the G7 leaders in Taormina, Italy, in 2017, when he was 71.  He yells loud and dyes his neck hair yellow every morning so he's dewy-fresh.  Both sides!  What if Biden had to lead this country out of an economic collapse so bad it's still called THE Depression and then through the worst war in planetary history, and did both from a wheelchair because the polio vaccine was still in the future?  What if a special railroad track were built to convey him from his train into the Waldorf-Astoria out of sight of the press and public?  And the Secret Service confiscated pictures of him with crutches or even falling?  Would we all be speaking German now?

Sorry, I digress.  I'll probably do it some more.

If you can believe it, the Kids in the House are talking about impeaching Biden because corruption!  Yesterday Obese-wan Kenobi was raging that they aren't doing enough to protect him from the mutant lunatic Jack Smith and sundry other prosecutors, so Squeaker McCarthy told Sean Hannity that maybe the crimes of the Biden family should be investigated with an eye to you-know-what.  He didn't specify what the crimes were, but the very serious charges have already been filed by very serious Boebert and Greene.  Back on January 12, 2021, CNN had a story called "Biden pushes to prevent impeachment from upending his agenda" and it looks like he's done rather well.  There are two things even I know are not possible, even for a Houseful of primates -- impeaching a president-elect just because you want to get even and expunging the impeachments of a treasonous degenerate because you fear his horde.  But go ahead, Kevin, keep impersonating a sheep.  A nervous one.  History will remember you by asking, "Wasn't he in Invasion of the Body Snatchers?" 

Public faith in the Supreme Court is lower than it was after Dred Scott v. Sandford, but now entire states are flouting its rulings.  In June the Court upheld a lower court decision in Allen v. Milligan that Alabama must re-draw its Congressional map to create a second majority-Black district, reflective of the state's 27 percent Black population.  This week a special session of the legislature passed the "Go chase yourself" bill, telling SCOTUS exactly what it can do with the Voting Rights Act.  There was a compelling reason -- the MAGAts' razor-thin majority in the House.  See what you did, Alito and Thomas, with your fishing vacations and your "Christmas party" cash favors?  Kay Ivey is asking, "How many divisions has the Court?" like some white-haired Granny Stalin.  Thank you very much.

It wouldn't be a day if Mayor Eric Adams didn't say something bizarre.  During an outdoor press conference a passing New Yorker decided to express her opinion:  "Fuck you, Eric Adams!  You are messing with homeless people!"  More calmly than usual, the mayor replied, "She said I'm messing with homeless people...One should be happy if someone wants to make love to them."  The heat?  A stroke?  I give up.  It's better than the time he was asked about rent control at a town hall and berated the 84-year-old questioner with a lengthy demand for "respect":  "Don't stand in front like you treating someone that's on the plantation that you own."  It was non-responsive to her inquiry about the makeup of the Rent Guidelines Board, but it won Worst Deployment of the Race Card Possibly Ever.

The other reason not to name a child Eric, Eric Trump, is more than usually enraged at the way life is treating Daddy.  On Newsmax he told Matt "Big Giant Head" Gaetz how Jack Smith's wife (she has a name, Katy Chevigny, but they can't pronounce it so they call her "Jack Smith's wife") made a documentary about Michelle Obama which proves that the whole "special prosecutor" thing is a plot hatched in their bedroom to "take my father down."  He's still angry about FBI agents searching Daddy's beautiful, classy home and "going through Barron's underwear drawer."  Eric is so distraught that he's forgotten that Barron is his brother and that the panty violation involved his newest mom Melania, who he hates and also lusts for -- allegedly -- and that Smith was still in The Hague with the other globalists at the time, and they ended by singing "Mister, we could use a man like J. Edgar Hoover again."  (No, they didn't.  Stop it.)  But the Bureau and indeed the nation are in a sad state when mutants like Smith and his Michelle Obama-loving wife, who is probably a man, can gang up on Daddy.  Michelle Obama, not Katy Chevigny, the jury's still out on her.  Sorry, the thought of Barron's underwear drawer and its probable contents -- I need a nap.

Florida Man Alfredo "Freddy" Ramirez is in stable condition in a Tampa hospital after shooting himself during an argument with his wife.  Why is this more than local news?  Because Ramirez is the director of the Miami-Dade Police Department.  

There was so much uproar over Lauren Boebert's binning of a Uvalde pin that she came up with a brilliant explanation only two days later:  She was wearing AirBuds and rocking out to "Try This in a Small Town" when accosted by the gun-hater, so she had no choice.  All good now?  (Fact check:  the Buttermilk Sky Organization has no idea what she was listening to; we took a guess.)  (What, it's "Try That?"  We are laying off the research department.)

According to The New Republic Lorie Smith, the woman at the center of 303 Creative v. Elenis -- the case that cited a fictitious request for a website by a man who knew nothing about it -- was guilty of another lie.  She did in fact create a website for a wedding, despite claiming that Colorado law prevented her from practicing her profession.  Oh my.  

Professor Joy Alonzo of Texas A&M was a visiting lecturer at UT Medical Branch in Galveston when she criticized Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick.  She was suspended after being turned in by the daughter of a Patrick crony, and may be investigated and fired.  It's a good thing she didn't mention Greg Abbott -- that's a hanging offense.

Ted Cruz has spent most of the month yelling about a doll.  That is all.