A wise blogger once wrote, "Why is Republican doctrine indistinguishable from mental illness?" All right, it was I. The one can be an effective camouflage for the other, is what I meant, and events have caught up with me. To be blunt: I don't give a gnat's nuts about Trump's tax returns -- I'm sure they're as fictitious as his business "empire." We should forget the taxes and demand a thorough medical report, including a recent CT scan. Like, no more than twenty-four hours old. A letter clearly dictated by Trump and signed by a "gastroenterologist" will not do.
Trump's unvarying response to criticism is the classic nine-year-old's "I'm rubber and you're glue..." Point out his racism and he calls you a bigot. Question his sleazy business dealings (of which "Trump University" is only the tip of the iceberg) and he names you "Crooked Hillary." So last week, when Sean Hannity and other flunkeys pronounced Clinton brain-damaged because she wears glasses or something, I knew there was serious medical information to be obfuscated. Consider:
At the very moment you declare your intent to reach out to African American voters (with the spectacularly condescending "What the hell have you got to lose?"), you hire a neo-Nazi blogger named Bannon who calls black people "savages" and toasted George Zimmerman for getting away with murder.
Your trademark position -- "I will build a beautiful wall!" -- and its accompanying promise to deport eleven million people are now up for debate. Or not. No, they are again. What time is it? Confused stormtrumpers are reduced to calling the Glenn Beck show to vent their frustration, i.e., threaten violence.
When the President, at the request of the governor
, does not end his vacation and rush off to view flood damage in Louisiana, you seize the opportunity to look energetic and presidential, not like that lazy...well, you jump on the "Spirit of St. Vitus" and head for Baton Rouge, there to present people who have lost everything with a carton of Play-Doh. I did not make that up, and everyone at The Onion wishes they had.
Suggesting your "Second Amendment people" shoot your opponent?
Trump saw "thousands of Muslims" celebrating on 9/11 in the streets of Jersey City, or possibly Hoboken. No one else saw them.
Trump heard a request for a "moment of silence" for the sniper who killed five Dallas police officers. No one else heard this.
Trump saw video of a plane being loaded with cash for shipment to Iran. This video does not exist.
Trump got a letter from the National Football League objecting to the debate schedule. They sent no such letter.
Lies or hallucinations? There is no third possibility. It is important because even a pathological liar can choose to tell the truth, but if you are hallucinating, you should not be in charge of a laundromat, much less a nuclear arsenal.
And by the way, why does a political campaign have a retired neurosurgeon on staff? Surely not for his political skills. These derps almost failed to get their candidate on the ballot in Minnesota, but they have Dr. Carson around for what? In case he has another seizure?
Hallucinations...paranoia...a total lack of impulse control....a severely truncated attention span...delusions of power (have you seen the make-pretend "Cabinet Room"?) -- we really need that CT scan.