Sunday, November 20, 2016

Curtain up

First, I know the Stormtrumpers are not the sharpest knives, but surely even they can see that there is little point in boycotting a show you can't get tickets to.  Whether it's "Hamilton" or the Super Bowl, who will notice if you refuse to show up?

Second, why would a viciously homophobic politician go to "Hamilton," or indeed any musical, unless he wanted to get booed and stir up the rage monkeys at Fox, atop Trump Tower, and elsewhere, thus provoking a crackdown on protest and "incivility"?  It's not exactly setting fire to the Reichstag, but we may one day look back on it as an opening chapter.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I, for one, welcome our new orange overlord

Was it only a week ago?  I was idly wondering what sort of Secretary of State Joe Biden would make, a contrast to the urbane, French-speaking Kerry.  Now I'm thinking, OK, put Sarah Palin in the Cabinet, just don't give Numbnipples a job with access to the Situation Room.  See how little it takes to make me happy?  Maybe "calm" is a better word.

And that can be her Secret Service code name.  I have others.  For the Trumps, obviously, Deadbeat and Pornstar.  For the Pences, Godbotherer and Handmaid.  (I assume there is a Mrs. Pence; I don't think I've ever seen her.  But if she exists, she certainly subscribes to the Nazi definition of a woman's proper sphere:  Kuche, Kirche, Kinder.  The other KKK.)  The Three Blind Trustees can be Greasy, Sleazy and Morticia, while Gingrich and Giuliani are unquestionably Fat Man and Little Boy, apt to set off a chain reaction which could ignite the atmosphere.  Rinse Priapus Reince Priebus has to be Putzi.  He just looks like a Putzi.

Some folks here in Blogenheim  want to believe the Electoral College will save us, and have started an online petition asking that it respect the popular vote, but that has never happened and never will.  Expecting a reprieve from the Electoral College is like expecting an education from Trump University (see what I did there?).  It will thwart democracy as it did in 1876 and 2000, as it was designed to do by the Fathers (all hail!).  Sorry about all the parentheses, but I'm severely medicated. 

And before I head back to the couch, an observation:  We don't have a parliamentary system and we can't afford twee little parties and vanity candidates like Jill Stein.  They appeal to a type of voter I call the mandarin:  "I'm special, and my vote is special, and I want to send a message with my vote, so if I can't vote for someone who exactly fits my specifications" -- this is for you, too, Bernie bros -- "I just won't bother."  Maybe you weren't listening when Max Brooks said, "This election is not about apples or oranges.  It's about apples or your house burns down."  How do you like the charred rubble, you spoiled children?  Yes, Hillary Clinton was a "flawed candidate."  They all are.  You want flawless, vote for Francis of Assisi.  He was born in Italy and he's been dead for six hundred years, but he never took a favor from the King of Morocco. 

A wormy apple or an orange fascist.  That was the only choice, and we blew it.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

Strangers together


I never knew so many people hated America.

And now I get to be one of them.

Monday, November 07, 2016

Laughter in the dark

As the most miserable presidential campaign in US history shudders to a close, someone decided that we could use a good laugh.  And so Trump spokesmodel Scottie Nell Hughes was sent forth to complain about Jay-Z, who performed at a Clinton event in Ohio over the weekend.  Specifically, she objected to a video in which someone can be seen throwing a "Mazel tov cocktail" at police.  I haven't laughed so hard since Michele Bachmann attempted to pronounce "chutzpah."  Of course, Ms. Hughes looks like Sarah Palin if she put on a blonde wig, lost the glasses and went all-in on  mascara, so who knows?  Folks of a certain age undoubtedly thought of Gilda Radner's Emily Litella.  This made us happier than considering the grim implications of a campaign which has made anti-Semitism bloom like red algae.  Grimmer still, two police officers were murdered in Des Moines last week, allegedly by a man who had been ejected from a football game for waving a Confederate flag.  (Like most white Christian terrorists he was found to have mental problems and hospitalized -- complete with room service, as Trump would say.)

Let's see, what else?  There was the big Trump "assassination attempt," when a man armed with a "Republicans against Trump" sign invaded a rally in Reno and was attacked, physically, by the mob.  Trump was put at greater risk by the Secret Service, who hustled him away after someone yelled, "Gun!"  It's dangerous to make a fat old man move that fast.  The day before, President Obama had given a superb lesson in how to deal with a protester at his rally, quieting the booing crowd and urging respect for the right of free speech.  What a wimp.  Nobody respects him, not Putin, not Kim, not Duterte.  Yet I just saw a poll where 49 percent of Americans said they would vote for Obama if he were allowed a third term.  All polls are rigged. 

An actual case of voter fraud has been identified!  A woman in Iowa tried to vote twice, after the voices in her head told her that her vote (for Trump, of course) would automatically be changed to one for Clinton. 

Every responsible poll shows Clinton ahead -- I don't believe it will be close -- and the stock market is rebounding with relief.  The capitalists don't have much use for Donnie Deadbeat and his tax cuts for the rich.  Curious.

Janet Reno has died at 78.  I'm sorry she won't see the first woman president.  I hope she voted.

This madness can't end soon enough for fans of Keith Olbermann, whose commentary at the GQ website (available on YouTube) has grown angrier and more strident, causing us to worry about his blood pressure.  Today's episode features an unprecedented number of f-bombs.  Keith, lie on a beach, join a yoga class, breathe, man.   It's over and you helped us get through it.

MSNBC has decided we need a crawl listing all presidents and their dates.  CNN is calling its show "Election Night In America," unavoidably invoking the longer-running "Hockey Night In Canada."  Meanwhile, no American media outlet has done anything as good as the Toronto Star's interactive Database of Trump Falsehoods (polite Canadian term for lies).  Check it out, it's awesome. 


Wednesday, November 02, 2016

It begins

"Last Tuesday night the Hopewell Missionary Baptist Church in Greenville, Mississippi, caught fire.  When fire crews arrived to put out the blaze, they found that the words 'Vote Trump' had been spray-painted on the side of the historic black church."  (Posted by Zack Ford at

But please, tell us more about Bill Clinton's pardon of Marc Rich in 2001.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Hey, getcha e-mails!

Calm down.  The FBI has always been political.  For years it regularly denied the very existence of organized crime while pursuing Americans for having incorrect politics, compiling dossiers on dangerous radicals like Leonard Bernstein and Groucho Marx.  Agents wrote anonymous letters to Martin Luther King, Jr., urging him to commit suicide.  Other agents spent countless hours deciphering the lyrics to "Louie, Louie" after the Director became convinced they were either obscene or seditious.  (Read the book by Dave Marsh.)  The sexual blackmail of politicians was routine.  James Comey is just subtler than J. Edgar Hoover. 

Comey subscribes to the Val Lewton theory of evidence:  You don't have to show the Cat People; in fact, you don't want to.  Drop hints, dim the lights, and make the audience use its imagination.  Really, are communications between Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin likely to involve anything classified?  More likely "Out of the office this AM for dentist appt" and "Any thoughts on Bill's birthday party?"  But we won't see them for months, will we?  Meanwhile we can wonder what else is on a laptop Abedin shared with digital flasher Anthony Weiner.  (Do men in raincoats still jump out from behind trees, or is it all Smartphones now?)  Slaver, slaver, where's Ken Starr?  Oh, yes, at Baylor trying to protect rape-inclined football players. 

It won't make Trump any less repellant.  So calm down.   


Today's weirdness has nothing to do with politics, I'm pretty sure.
From Opera News:

"The Metropolitan Opera cancelled what remained of Saturday afternoon's matinee performance of Guillaume Tell after an audience member sprinkled a white powdery substance into the orchestra pit during an intermission...Following the incident, the company also decided to cancel the scheduled evening performance of Rossini's L'Italiana in Algeri."

The terrorism people are testing the stuff, but they seem to think it's the remains of a cremated opera lover, perhaps one who really hated Rossini.  It occurs to me that yesterday would have been the ninetieth birthday of the great Jon Vickers, who died last year and who really knew how to stop a show (most memorably by shouting "Shut up with your damn coughing!" during the prelude to Act 3 of Tristan in Dallas -- yes, he was Tristan).

No, that's just crazy. 


Thursday, October 27, 2016

Friday, Friday

When they go low (lower), I try to go high, but damn, I can't help wanting to see Scranton Joe take Lord Shitgibbon  "out behind the gym."  Apparently no one ever has, and a timely beating might have jarred him into some kind of emotional maturity; some people only learn by getting bloodied.  It's far too late now, of course, and it won't happen.  The Mean Widdle Kid only fights with his Twitter machine while hiding behind his monstrous regiment of lawyers.  If you raised a fist he'd piss his panties and cry.  Big talk, little hands.

Yesterday he dragged the ever-compliant media to Washington to provide free coverage of the opening of his new eyesore hotel, already known as the Trump Trivago because every room is available at a deep discount.  (Why cover real news in far-off North Dakota?  Leave that to Amy Goodman.)  As they fixed on their grimaces and cut the ribbon, it was clear that Morticia and the boys are desperate to get Daddy out of the family business before he runs through the rest of their grandfather's money.  I am now convinced they talked him into politics.  What, you think only Putin knows how to appeal to Trump's vanity and stupidity?  Who knows him better?

But, but, emails!  WikiLeaks!  Somebody at  the Clinton foundation asked somebody for money!  Let's have an investigation!  Let's bring it up at every opportunity!  Let's not ask why, if Julian Assange is not a rapist, he doesn't hurry back to Sweden and demand a trial so he can put it all behind him.  Not saying he is, not suggesting he and Trump share an attitude toward women or anything.  Maybe he likes living in one room in the Ecuadorean embassy.  London is a very expensive city, so maybe he's just cheap.  One more trait he shares with Trump.

Two more weeks.  That's what, nineteen polls?  Steve Kornacki, sleeves rolled up, in front of a map, eagerly relaying that nineteen percent of suburban, college-educated, left-handed women who live west of the Mississippi and east of the Rockies are still undecided.  He's just so excited, he reminds me of the Monty Python election night sketch:  "Can I just say this is the first time I've ever appeared on television?"  Which in turn reminds me of the terrible news that Terry Jones has dementia and is losing the ability to speak.  Some people have real problems, and we should never forget.

Speaking of hacker chicanery, whatever became of Edward Snowden?  Did he buy a house in Moscow?  How is he paying for it?  Somebody in Russia is mighty good at cyberinvading the United States.  Planting the seeds of suspicion and doubt -- it's what we do.

Giuliani:  "When I think of Hillary Clinton I picture her in an orange jumpsuit."  I won't dispute America's Mayor when it comes to prison wear.  After all, my father didn't spend time in Sing Sing.  Oh, too soon, Rudolph?  If only we had had a wall back then to keep the Italians out.

The first Hillary-is-a-lesbian claim has drifted in from the sewage farm, later than I expected.  Powerful women have been scaring the shit out of men for centuries, and men have retaliated by creating myths, often shockingly grotesque ones.  So far, Clinton has not been accused of having sex with horses like Catherine the Great, but keep an eye on Drudge -- it's the kind of thing his maggoty little brain would bring forth.

When FDR proposed increasing the number of Supreme Court justices so they would stop blocking his New Deal programs it was called "court packing" and the right basically went bananas.  Now the Republicans have threatened to keep the Court one justice short if they continue to control the Senate and if That Woman is elected, because wah wah.  As it is, Mitch "One Set of Great-grandparents Is Enough For Anybody" McConnell has held up the appointment of Merrick Garland for nearly a year.  The Republicans adore the Constitution so much, they only take it out and use it on special occasions.  And as has often been said, Trump is no aberration.  He is the apotheosis of Republican obstructionism, the Armageddon battle of their war on democracy, the triumph of fascism.  We have to make sure these mariners wear the Albatrump around their necks for all time.

On day one, President Clinton should appoint Gonzalo Curiel to the Supreme Court.  Impeach that, motherfuckers.