Tuesday, October 27, 2020

The week of living dangerously

Trump is right!  We are "rounding the turn."  Not on covid, that's worse than ever.  But every prediction from Pew, Quinnipiac and the Magic Eight-Ball says there's a Biden-shape light at the end of the tunnel.

Vladimir Putin can see it, too.  Days after Benjamin Netanyahu carefully distanced himself from Trump in front of witnesses, Putin gave an interview where, according to Reuters, he "took the time to knock down what he made clear he regarded as false allegations from Trump about the Bidens."  No wonder the bot army has apparently been ordered to stand down.  

Gerrymandering, voter ID requirements, purges, limited hours, defective machines, long lines, a crippled postal service, what will they think of next to prevent democracy?  How about a little fire?  Ballot boxes in Los Angeles and Boston have been set on fire in the past week, destroying some of the contents.  Trump is encouraging armed goons to show up at the polls when people try to vote, especially in largely Black cities like Philadelphia.  (You know, the place where they wrote the damn Constitution.)  A cornered Trump is a dangerous Trump.

For some reason, people just aren't responding to his litanies of self-praise and staggering mendacity.  The whole campaign is in disarray.  For some reason African Americans don't respond to Jared Kushner's suggestion that they don't "want to be successful" enough to overcome systemic racism the way he did, by being born rich and white.  Nor are women excited to read things like this:

It explains the unseemly haste but underscores the misogynistic hate.  Not cool, House Judiciary GOP.  Prepare to see your minority continue to shrink.

Did you see that debate, where Biden said "Poor Bois" instead of "Proud Bois"?   Dementia, right?  Then you'll love today's exploding cigar.  Biden confused Trump with George Bush!  Except he didn't.  Before the video was doctored it was clear he was responding to a question from the comedian George Lopez.  The Today Show on Trump's old network gleefully spread the story and had to back down when Ana Navarro-Cardenas pointed out their error, or to use her phrase, "unethical crap."  NBC apologized, which is more than President Covfefe has done.

Are the Republicans short of cash or just really, really dumb?  Last week it was a Facebook ad of a purported American doctor that might as well have had Cyrillic graphics.  Now they've been caught using another actress to portray Typical American Voter-mom in Senate campaign ads in Maine, Kansas and Iowa.  Did Berkman and Wohl recruit her on Craigslist and then fail to pay her?  We're a week from election day, guys, put your backs into it.

Like these people in the Biden Disinformation Collective.  The George Lopez interview didn't work out, OK, they got right back on the horse.  Biden made a speech in Warm Springs, Georgia, where FDR used to take the waters, and said, "Why am I doing this?  Why?  What is my real aim?"  Ha, more video of the foolish, fond old man.  Except it turns out he was quoting from an encyclical of Pope Francis.  I suspect the next Trump ad won't make that clear.  And Trump is working as hard as ever, watching Fox News and complaining because they carried Barack Obama's drive-in rally in Orlando:  "no crowd fake speech."  He still doesn't get this social distancing thing.  "Fake speech"?  Sounded real to me.  Dementia?  Sounds real to me.

Trump always takes the high road, so he left it to Rep. Mike Kelly (R-PA) to make fun of Biden's stammer.  Which, to be honest, I was completely unaware of until this year.  That's how well he handles it.  And it's a full-time job.  I once heard Jonathan Miller talk about the circumlocutions he used to avoid certain consonants.  I could not do it, I think I'd resort to hand-signals.  We used to admire people who overcame disabilities, like Helen Keller; like Jim Abbott, the pitcher born with one hand; like Wilma Rudolph, who overcame polio and racism to win three Olympic gold medals.  We're pitiful.  They're not.

Trump calls the Sixty Minutes interview, in which he willingly participated for free publicity, "a very hostile attack by a woman who does nothing."  So now Lesley Stahl joins Anthony Fauci, Christine Blasey Ford, Ilhan Omar and Yoel Roth of Twitter's site integrity team in learning to live with bodyguards.  Death threats:  Valentines from impotent cowards.

Dr. Fauci says the US is still in its first wave of covid.  Except for the White House, which is in its second.

None of this may matter because the ice in the Arctic Ocean has begun to melt, releasing vast amounts of methane.  But why listen to "the experts"?

American survivalists are preparing for the election by buying guns and toilet paper.   Relax, Trumpanzees, you can always use your MAGA hat to wipe your ass.  Your lawn sign, too, in an emergency.

Amy Coney Rabbit has been on the job for less than twenty-four hours but Norman Ornstein has explained how she can be impeached.  That sounds complicated.  To get rid of all three McConnell stooges, all we have to do is make perjury a crime again.  The statute of limitations has run out on attempted rape, but not on the shit Kavanaugh was slinging at his confirmation.  (Do you know that polka, Brett -- "In Prison There Is No Beer"?)  Right now perjury is a job qualification, which is why nobody could get a straight answer out of them.  No need to expand the court, just call Merrick Garland and two other qualified justices.  And maybe move Dianne Feinstein onto the agriculture committee where she can't do much harm.

Trump has already taken bows for the CDC directive to prevent evictions of people unemployed by the pandemic.  Astonishingly, it's not working.  Well, that's one way to cut down on voting -- you can't vote if you don't have an address.  Oh and look where the evictions have begun:  Arizona, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee and Texas.  Well played.



Monday, October 26, 2020

Do you believe in magic?

 It's not the Fake Chinese Flu that has Trump looking so exhausted and weak and in need of extra layers of Clown Orange. It's having to do so many jobs.  Like sorting out the facts from the fiction, as Rob Brydon says on that panel show, and explaining what is and isn't news.  And even though it has killed north of 225,000 Americans, covid is not news.  It's so not news that even talking about it "should be an election law violation!"  They're only doing it to make him look bad.  And he will never come closer to owning any of those 225,000 deaths, so relish it.  Trump makes people forget by yelling "COVID COVID COVID COVID" at his MAGAts, and by having his chief of staff say, "We are not going to control the pandemic."  It's all right to be confused.  Enraged also works.

Bob Murray has died, either from black lung or from being harassed to death by John Oliver.  Or it could have been a spell.

You think I'm joking, because it's 2020 and not 1692 and sane people don't believe in that junk.  But the fundagelicals do, like Lance Wallnau.  Brother Lance has identified the source of Rush Limbaugh's lung cancer and reversed it with prayer, and none of your "weak prayers" but his own patented formula.  He does go on a bit but I guess the witches' spell was a real challenge.  Too bad Brother Lance didn't have time to save Bob Murray.  Or Herman Cain.  It's not too late to save Mitch McConnell from the necrotizing fascist-itis that is eating his face and hands.  Hurry, Lance!

In other news from this Year of Magical Thinking, Renea Turner has declared herself to be the governor of Ohio.  That is to say, she had herself "sworn in" and declared that her predecessor Mike DeWine "has become concentrated, grown and has become a tyrant and will be held accountable immediately."  DeWine apparently thought being a Republican entitled him to order pandemic-preventive methods like some kind of Gretchen Whitmer.  Turner and her "posse" were going to kidnap DeWine and possibly exile him, and before you say exile from Ohio sounds more like a reward, just don't.  It's cruel.  Other Ohioites or whatever they're called agree with her on the tyranny but not the kidnapping.  They want to observe legal procedures.  I hope they do.

Five people who work for Mike Pence (including his "body man," which probably sounds worse than it is) have now tested positive for coronavirus, but Pence refuses to cancel any of his campaigning or deny himself the satisfaction of watching the Senate anoint Amy Coney Rabbit.  I'm going to predict he doesn't even wear a mask because he's protected by prayer, a/k/a wishful thinking.

Hospitals in Utah are getting ready to ration care as covid spikes, and a field hospital has been opened at the Wisconsin county fairgrounds in Milwaukee, but the real problem is still too much testing!  Also, doctors and hospitals are raking in wealth for over-reporting cases, or so says Trump.  It's not clear who's paying out on this dastardly plot to steal the election from him, but it's probably George Soros.  It usually is.  

I don't understand how all these people are getting sick in the White House.  Did you know Trump had a prophet named Bill Johnson anoint all the doors to ward off demons?  I'm not crazy.  Read it.  Should have used extra virgin olive oil. 

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Mere anarchy

This has been a terrible year for all kinds of reasons, including the almost daily reports that another culture hero has died -- most recently James "The Amazing" Randi.  So it's comforting to know that Tom Lehrer is 92 and presumably getting ready to celebrate Hanukkah in Santa Monica.  He has outlived all the people his songs castigated (Hubert Humphrey, Wernher von Braun, George Murphy) and now he has made of them a gift:  All Lehrer lyrics are now freed from the bonds of copyright!  This could be the beginning of the end of all LAW AND ORDER, or the birth of a satirical Renaissance.  Whatever, you can go to Tom Lehrer.org and hear Daniel Radcliffe sing "The Elements" while you decide.

Unless the Twitter account @GOP has been hacked by The Onion or Andy Borowitz, the following is an Official List of Trump's second term priorities:

*Establish Permanent Manned Presence On the Moon

*Send the 1st Manned Mission to Mars

*Build World's Greatest Infrastructure System

*Establish National High-Speed Wireless Internet Network

I know who wrote this.  Look at all the capitalized words.  I still want whatever drugs he's on.

I'm old enough to remember John Cleese thanking the morality police for their condemnation (sight unseen, of course) of Monty Python's Life of Brian.  The extra publicity at least doubled the film's takings on first release.  It remains to be seen if Trump calling Sacha Baron Cohen "a creep" will do the same for Borat:  Subsequent Moviefilm, but it can't hurt.  If Giuliani had any credibility left -- remember, I said if -- he couldn't recover now even if Hunter Biden's "laptop" turned up with video of Joe Biden taking aim on the grassy knoll in Dallas.  Not when "tucking in my shirt" has supplanted Mark Sanford's "hiking the Appalachian Trail" as a sniggering euphemism.  Just when you think it can't get worse Giuliani blundered into an anti-Trump rally in Manhattan.  (He was at Trump Tower visiting some Russian oligarchs and delivering freshly laundered money.  Allegedly.)

From Fifth Avenue, soon to become Barack Obama Boulevard, you can't see this Times Square billboard which has galvanized Princess, Slumlord-in-Law and their attorneys.  That's an actual Kushner quote, though the can of Goya beans has been airbrushed out of his wife's hands.  "False, malicious and defamatory," they splutter, to which The Lincoln Project  -- yes, it's theirs -- happily point out that these two are no longer private citizens, unfortunately, and will have to roll with the punches.  And as with the two films referenced above, thanks for calling more attention to it.  They never learn.  

As for daddy, he was in New Hampshire boasting to the "Live Mask Free and Die" voters about his two Nobel Peace Prizes, for Serbia-Kosovo and "something else."  Then he said he meant nominations, and uttered a sentence in impeccable Trumpish:  "I don't know, you know, I don't know."  If you think of it as another language it often makes sense.  Like:  "I take full responsibility. It's not my fault that it came here.  It's China's fault."  All you need to know is responsibility = praise.

There's a new pathogen in town and it killed six wild swans in the Netherlands.  Farmers are being told to keep their poultry indoors.  Just what we needed, another avian flu.

Saturday, October 24, 2020

Popcorn time

 I have been reading W. Bruce Lincoln's Red Victory, a history of the Russian Civil War (1918-1920) -- yeah, it's a non-stop roller coaster here at the Sky -- and I've come to two conclusions:  The Cheka could have given the Gestapo lessons in sadism, and the Whites had a serious chance of winning if they hadn't fought endlessly among themselves.

American political parties have always seethed with disagreement, usually beneath the surface, which is a good thing because otherwise they'd be Lenin's Bolsheviks.  "Democrats In Disarray" has become an ironic meme because they aren't shy about airing their grievances.  This time, though, it's the Republicans who resemble a circular firing squad, with the Lincoln Project leading the way.  

But I wasn't prepared to find Lou Dobbs calling for the defeat of Lindsey Graham.  No one has worked harder to ram through the Amy Comey -- sorry, Coney Barrett nomination that half the country opposes.  No one has so abased himself before the Trump agenda, despite Trump having called him "one of the dumbest human beings I've ever seen."  Yeah, but what have you done for him lately?  Dobbs is angry about Graham's "inert response to these pressing issues of our day."  Which pressing issues?  The pandemic, the economy, the environment, the systemic racism and police violence, the Russian election interference?  Don't be absurd.  Graham has refused to hold hearings into "Obamagate," the batshit conspiracy that even Barr's tame prosecutor couldn't find.  He won't ferret out the "liberal bias" of Facebook and Twitter.   He's a lap dog, not a rabid pit bull, so Dobbs would prefer to see him replaced with Jaime Harrison.  Hey, me too!   And even if Trump and Dobbs treat him the way Bill Sikes treated Bullseye, he'll keep fawning and whining and coming back for more, like Romney, Sasse, Murkowski, Collins, Hogan, Baker, Kasich and the rest.  Even when Trump starts calling him "Liddle Lindsey," his ultimate put-down, and making fun of his Sessions-like accent.  And he will.

Not surprisingly, Trump told a bunch of donors at a share-the-virus event in Nashville that Republicans will take back the House but may lose the Senate.  He's not completely delusional, but of course he takes no responsibility:  "There are a couple senators I just can't get involved in...You lose your soul if you do.  I can't help some of them.  I don't want to help some of them."  No Democrat, however deep in disarray, would say that out loud.  Do not think about Trump's soul.  Just don't.

Barack Obama continues to be a draw, wowing crowds with zingers like, "If you're too scared of Lesley Stahl and Sixty Minutes, you're not that tough."  Too true.  Lesley Stahl, Kristen Welker, Savannah Guthrie -- nobody would confuse them with Oriana Falacci or Martha Gellhorn.  They were hired (by men) because they're pretty and unthreatening.  Weak, stupid bullies make them appear formidable, like Katie Turek ambushing Sarah Palin by asking what magazines she read.  Vicious. 

Some Trumpanzees showed up and made noise at Joe Biden's drive-in rally in Pennsylvania but he was unruffled, promising to "work as hard for those who don't support me as for those who do, including those chumps at the microphone out there.  Look, that's the job of a president, the duty to care for everyone."  Peace, it's going to be wonderful.  So much boredom we won't be able to stand it.  


Friday, October 23, 2020

It's funny because it's true

 ...and because I need to laugh.  

Much speculation about the weird discolorations appearing all over Mitch McConnell.  Could they be what Trump's Clown Orange No. 5 is designed to conceal?   Is he in fact a giant interstellar cockroach in a McConnell suit?  Why hasn't his campaign come up with some story by now?  Four years ago we were told that Hillary Clinton was dying every time she coughed.  Payback's a mitch.

First sad story:  The Trump campaign got caught using a Facebook ad evidently made in Russia with an actress pretending to be an American doctor and praising Trump for his incredibly brilliant success in developing a covid vaccine (personally, I guess).  To rub in salt, they used stock film of a field in Slovenia.  Even the Russians have lost interest.  They used to be better at this.

Second sad story:  Israel and Sudan have established a framework for normalizing relations -- which is great -- and Trump wants all the credit, which is silly.  So he called in the cameras during a call with Benjamin Netanyahu and begged like the prime minister was Daddy Fred:  "Do you think Sleepy Joe could have made this deal, Bibi, Sleepy Joe?  Do you think he would have made this deal?  Somehow I don't think so."  Silence.  Then Netanyahu said, "Well, Mr. President, one thing I can tell you is that we appreciate the help for peace from anyone in America [my italics] and we appreciate what you've done enormously."  Not quite the fawning Trump had in mind but in front of reporters he couldn't call Bibi a "watermelon head."  It sounds like someone's getting ready to deal with President Biden.

Third sad story:  Now would be a good time to look for a bigger place, New Yorkers, because Trump has declared your city a "ghost town."  Or as a beloved New York figure once put it, "Nobody goes there, it's too crowded."  True, the city lost 24,000 inhabitants to the Trumpandemic, but others will  come to take their places.  It's been that way for centuries.  Soledad O'Brien is always going to have trouble parking on the street.

It's not quite Israel-Sudan but Trump also wants credit for saving Big 10 football.  And possibly for getting John Dillinger.  

Maybe those sharp ads from The Lincoln Project have convinced you that Trump's the aberration in an otherwise sound party.  If so, you should read about Rep. Clay Higgins (R-LA) who believes his wife has second sight.  She had a dream about "federal squads" coming to confiscate their weapons, water and food, and he decided this was something to share.  This guy's on the Homeland Security Committee and gets classified briefings.  He's also a racist but you knew that.  Sorry, TLP, but it's sociopaths all the way down.

Exhibit B is North Carolina Congressional candidate Madison Cawthorne, whose special dog-whistle is accusing a local reporter of collaborating with Senator Cory Booker to "ruin white males."  Relax, Madison, we had you pegged when you posted your vacation pictures of Berchtesgaden.  Or was that another "syntax error"?

Remember the Minneapolis police precinct that was shot up during last May's protests?  And how Trump needed to send troops to protect the city from Antifa and Black Lives Matter?  He forgot Boogaloo Bois.  For it was one of theirs, Ivan H. Hunter, who drove up from Texas with his AK-47 and is now facing federal charges.  That makes three Boogalosers in custody and unavailable for voter intimidation duty.

Don't look for Alexander Treisman, either.  He was arrested on a charge of possessing child pornography and, we learn, also had big plans for Joe Biden -- the kind that involve assault rifles, explosives and night-vision goggles.  

Even as Pope Francis called for same-sex civil unions -- yes, he's late to the party but it took them five hundred years to admit they were wrong about Galileo -- the US was joining with other outlaw nations in an anti-abortion declaration promoting 1950s-style "family values."  Franklin Graham will be pleased, but it's not going to help Trump convince all those suburban women (and poor Tiffany's many gay friends) that he's on their side.  When your opponent is kicking himself in the chram, Joe -- let him.

Eighty thousand new cases today.

Thursday, October 22, 2020

Can I go now?

Remember that great movie The Asphalt Jungle where Marilyn Monroe, playing the mistress of a corrupt lawyer, addresses a policeman as "You big banana-head"?   She also says things like "Yipes!" and addresses her sugar-daddy as "Uncle Lon" because she's young and fairly unsophisticated.  So it was startling when the aged, jaded, ignorant but hardly innocent Trump unveiled his new nickname for Adam Schiff:  "watermelon-head."  But how does he hold it up with a "pencil neck"?  More to the point, when can I open my browser without fear of seeing that swollen, stupid face that looks like an old catcher's mitt dipped in marmalade?  See, my insults are apposite. 

We're all tired of this shit-flinging baboon and his flunkies and his spawn and the trail of slime he leaves.  Everybody's talking today about the commercial that was unveiled last night, "Go From Here."  To be honest, I wasn't sure if Sam Elliott was trying to get me to vote for Joe Biden or buy a Ford truck.  In my head I heard him drawl, "The Dude abides," and I thought, for how long?  Jeff Bridges announced this week that he has lymphoma.

Already on the brink, I saw the video of Biden in Parkland, Florida, after the 2018 terrorist attack.  When the son of a murdered coach, who appears to have Down syndrome, runs over and Biden hugs him -- even now it's hard to write about.  A simple, unplanned human interaction, and it's being passed around social media like a first look at a comet.  This was once unremarkable, people.  And I am not going to Breitbart to see if they're using it as evidence of pedophilia.  Because then I would have to break something.

Oh, the election ratfuckery is reaching a climax like the 1812 Overture.  Robert R. Lynn, registered Republican of Luzerne County, Pennsylvania, was busted for requesting an absentee ballot for his dead mother.  People who got their ballots legally and would like to mail them should know that Louis DeJoy, the Harry Daugherty of John Mitchells, ordered all Postal Police to stop protecting the mail and its carriers for the next two weeks.  (You may remember them from the Steve Bannon arrest.)  And those deep state lifers at the DOJ are still working to stop Russian election interference even as the Trumpers howl, "Iran, it's IRAN!"

In the last act of this turkey, we're about to be introduced to a new character, Tony Bobulinski.  More melted cheese from the October nothingburger, would be my prediction.  But while we wait, enjoy this photo of Mitch McConnell turning into a Black man, one section at a time.

So. Very. Tired.


Oranges and lemons

It's time to read Nineteen Eighty-four again.

I started looking for my yellowing Signet paperback when Antifa became a Designated Enemy of the administration last summer.  Antifa -- short for "anti-fascist" -- has launched a thousand tweets and burned the topless towers of Portland, it seems, despite being a descriptive rather than an actual organization.  We're supposed to fear it.  I closed my eyes and remembered that for a brief but eventful period in history, anti-fascism was not just tolerated but official government policy.  Millions of Americans were supplied with weapons and training and sent far away to kill fascists.   Thousands died in the effort.

This did not please the "America First" isolationists who had no problem with fascism and even less, if possible, when the Third Reich invaded the Soviet Union in June 1941.  To them it looked like the right people were being killed.  When Pearl Harbor was bombed, and then Hitler declared war on the United States, they had to swallow their disappointment and pull on their patriot pants.  Anything else would have been bad for business.   The antifa window was open from December 7, 1941, until the German surrender on May 8, 1945.  After that, business as usual.

The House Committee on Un-American Activities had been around since 1938 but after the war it fell into Republican hands.  Americans were supposed to regret their support for "Uncle Joe" Stalin and his evil empire an hour after the war in Europe ended; Hollywood forgot it ever produced propaganda like The Red Star or Mission To Moscow.  For those who refused to erase history there was a stupefying term of art:  "prematurely anti-fascist."  If you marched in a May Day parade in 1938 or went to a meeting or signed a petition, you could renounce your past and denounce your friends or face a blacklist.  Across the ocean, a dying journalist saw what was happening and wrote "Oceania is at war with Eastasia.  Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia."  He invented the terms "Newspeak" and "memory hole" to describe the massive intellectual dishonesty that appalled him.  The enemy is the enemy until he isn't anymore, because the nations with the loudest ideals can abandon them when they become inconvenient.  (Even if they're terrible ideals -- see Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact.)

Perhaps only George Orwell could fathom American involvement (what a bland word) in the western parts of Asia.  He wasn't a humorous man but he might have read with a wry smile that US Air Force drones are assisting the Taliban to fight Islamic State in Afghanistan.  Of course it would have to be Afghanistan, where back in the 1980s we helped the mujahideen (and Osama bin Laden) fight invading Soviet forces.  When the Russians left the Taliban took over most of the country, so American troops had to drive them out.  Now, apparently, the Taliban are the good guys because they are fighting Daesh, or ISIS, or whatever their name is today.  And we're helping them!  And Afghan people are still dying, and nobody seems to have a plan.   Terrorism, counterterrorism, counter-counterterrorism, the Great Game has dwindled into tic-tac-toe.   

Note:  The Trumpers want tonight's Nashville free-for-all to concentrate on foreign policy.  I want to hear the words "drone" and "Taliban" at least as frequently as "Ukraine" and "laptop."

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Wednesday winners


This is James Dale Reed, 42, captured on a Ring door camera at 4:30 in the morning.  Reed dropped off a note at a house in Frederick, Maryland, with a Biden/Harris lawn sign.  It read, "This is a warning to anyone reading this letter, if you are a Biden/Harris supporter you will be targeted.  We have a list of homes and addresses by your election signs.  We are the ones with those scary guns.  We are the ones your children have nightmares about..." followed by some threats to sodomize Harris and beat Biden prior to "executing" them on national television.  Some other people with scary guns have now taken custody of Reed because FREE SPEECH FIRST AMENDMENT! apparently cuts no ice when you threaten somebody with a Secret Service detail.  Too bad, James, you should have stopped at "targeting" the homeowner.  Now your children, if any, will have nightmares.  But congratulations, because the Buttermilk Sky Organization has chosen you as its DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK.  You have a rich fantasy life, James, and we envy it.  Now don't you regret not wearing a mask?

Man from USSR springs "honey trap" on clueless American involving underage girl -- is that how Putin came to own Trump?  It would be irresponsible not to speculate.  Was it the inspiration for "Borat Subsequent Moviefilm," in which the documentarian from Kazakhstan introduces his fifteen-year-old daughter to Rudolph Giuliani?  Who can say?  These October surprises are almost too rich for my arteries.

Overheard in the Great Hall of the People:

President Xi:  I've had it up to here with this Trump clown.  I know, elections, but now he wants us to give him a Three-Gorges-Dam-ton of money because he says we caused the pandemic.

Finance Minister Liu Kun:  Forget it.  Did you see the thing in the Times about how much tax he pays us?  I couldn't believe it, I had to look it up.

Xi:  Oh, right.  All those development deals and I don't see one of his crummy hotels.  So...lunch?

Liu:  I feel like Mexican.  Speaking of which -- some great wall he's built, huh?

Lawyers at the firm Jones Day have donated $90,000 to Biden/Harris and $50 to Trump/Pence.   It's amusing because Jones Day are Trump's lawyers to the tune of $4.5 million since 2019.  How do you say "My client is an asshole" without breaking confidentiality?

In keeping with his "Amtrak Joe" image, and with a nod to Harry Truman in 1948, Joe Biden leased a private train for a tour of Rustbelt states.  I think he likes trains.  But several Republican members of the House Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure see this as a dastardly plan to make the Trumpandemic worse.  They think Biden's fancy train will obstruct freight traffic and slow delivery of PPE and other important goods.  Actually, it's Amtrak that's always being shunted aside for freight.  This is not one of those first-world countries with special track dedicated to bullet trains.  Also, did he get a discount?  How much?  They think throwing some money at Amtrak in a time of layoffs due to fewer riders is a disgrace.  Also, Republicans as a species do not like trains and have been trying to kill Amtrak for years, so maybe stop the fake outrage?  Jeez, you guys are dumb.  James Dale Reed dumb.

A dumb Englishman pried a possible Banksy stencil off a wall in Brighton and took it to be valued by an expert on Antiques Roadshow.  No dosh for him.  Banksy has safeguards.  Banksy thought this might happen.

Remember newspapers?  Remember when their endorsements mattered?  To date, two "major" papers have endorsed Trump, and one of them is owned by Sheldon Adelson.  The other is the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.  And speaking of Arkansas, even Trump-mad Mike Huckabee says it's time for Sarah's former boss to get over his Hunter Biden obsession.  

Watching Barack Obama speak in Philadelphia.  Damn, that man could sell me Brussels sprouts.  I hate Brussels sprouts.