They make it too easy
Wave goodbye to Mac Thornberry (R-TX), who is tired of being a member of Congress and wants to spend more time with his loot family. So long, Mac. Don't get run over by the mob of Republicans who can't get out the door fast enough. You're the fifth to abandon your delegation. I guess Texas Republicans will have to hold a primary next year. That won't improve Trump's mood. Ronna was hoping to re-nominate him with all the pageantry of a monster truck rally and not even a whisper of opposition. Now he'll have to think of a nickname for Bill Weld.
First things first, though. It's the first week of October and time for another round of "Hillary Clinton's Ever-loving Emails." Some conspiracist decided that Clinton's super-secret server where all the evidence is hidden must be located in Ukraine because they haven't found it anywhere else, so let's waste more time and money. Afterward, we'll all go over to Comet Ping-pong and check out her basement dungeon, where she and Obama plotted the Bowling Green Massacre, the Jade Helmet coup in Texas, and the murder of Jeffrey Epstein. Try the pepperoni with salsa.
Move over, Reps. Omar, Tlaib, et al., there's another uppity woman of color irritating the Trumpites. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA) was chairing the Subcommittee on Immigration and Citizenship last week and had the effrontery to ask former Gauleiter of the ICEstapo Thomas Homan about his border concentration camps. He ranted that she was a "liar," then ran off to Fox & Friends to have his sore feelings bandaged. "Just because you have a gavel doesn't make you queen of the day," he muttered, while the Friends spooned yogurt into his mouth and settled a shawl around his shoulders. And Homan is just a former apparatchik. I wonder if he quit or was fired.
Rudolph Giuliani's speech at some Kremlin shindig has been cancelled. Let's take up a collection to replace his lost fee. He's also been subpoenaed by the House Intelligence Committee. Who says there are no good comedies on the networks this fall?
Kellyanne Conway says Nancy Pelosi is a fake feminist because she won't sit down and chat with her over coffee, woman-to-woman. Pelosi sees it as Speaker-to-flunky, and she has more important things to do, like oversee the impeachment of Conway's boss. So more hurt feelings.
Chris Collins (R-NY) has resigned and pleaded guilty to insider trading, while maintaining (of course) his innocence. This is extra-funny because Collins was the first elected official to endorse Trump.
Moscow Mitch now acknowledges he'll have "no choice" but to hold a trial when Trump is impeached. I guess we know who checked that copy of the Constitution out of the Senate library. Lindsey Graham is already practicing his opening statement, which will evidently contain references to Salem, Stalin's Moscow show trials and To Kill a Mockingbird. Bring a hankie.
Robert Jeffress, some sort of evangelical hustler, says there will be a civil war if the Democrats insist on persecuting God's Anointed. And that would be the end of it but no, Trump had to re-tweet this barely concealed call to violence in his daily ravings. Let's pretend it's 1859 and James Buchanan just called for the slave states to raise an army -- would the Congress have let it go by ("He's always saying stupid shit like that," said Thaddeus Stevens)? Neither should this one. Just keep digging that hole, you idiot.
As tired as I am of the word "whistleblower," I hope he or she continues to be anonymous and safe. Maybe we could make up a name. Joe Hill? Anyone using that? No, every Joe Hill in the country will get gaudy death threats from the 101st Chairborne. "Whistleblower" it is.
Ukrainians are now referring to their president as "Monica Zelensky." It's a small world, after all.
First things first, though. It's the first week of October and time for another round of "Hillary Clinton's Ever-loving Emails." Some conspiracist decided that Clinton's super-secret server where all the evidence is hidden must be located in Ukraine because they haven't found it anywhere else, so let's waste more time and money. Afterward, we'll all go over to Comet Ping-pong and check out her basement dungeon, where she and Obama plotted the Bowling Green Massacre, the Jade Helmet coup in Texas, and the murder of Jeffrey Epstein. Try the pepperoni with salsa.
Move over, Reps. Omar, Tlaib, et al., there's another uppity woman of color irritating the Trumpites. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA) was chairing the Subcommittee on Immigration and Citizenship last week and had the effrontery to ask former Gauleiter of the ICEstapo Thomas Homan about his border concentration camps. He ranted that she was a "liar," then ran off to Fox & Friends to have his sore feelings bandaged. "Just because you have a gavel doesn't make you queen of the day," he muttered, while the Friends spooned yogurt into his mouth and settled a shawl around his shoulders. And Homan is just a former apparatchik. I wonder if he quit or was fired.
Rudolph Giuliani's speech at some Kremlin shindig has been cancelled. Let's take up a collection to replace his lost fee. He's also been subpoenaed by the House Intelligence Committee. Who says there are no good comedies on the networks this fall?
Kellyanne Conway says Nancy Pelosi is a fake feminist because she won't sit down and chat with her over coffee, woman-to-woman. Pelosi sees it as Speaker-to-flunky, and she has more important things to do, like oversee the impeachment of Conway's boss. So more hurt feelings.
Chris Collins (R-NY) has resigned and pleaded guilty to insider trading, while maintaining (of course) his innocence. This is extra-funny because Collins was the first elected official to endorse Trump.
Moscow Mitch now acknowledges he'll have "no choice" but to hold a trial when Trump is impeached. I guess we know who checked that copy of the Constitution out of the Senate library. Lindsey Graham is already practicing his opening statement, which will evidently contain references to Salem, Stalin's Moscow show trials and To Kill a Mockingbird. Bring a hankie.
Robert Jeffress, some sort of evangelical hustler, says there will be a civil war if the Democrats insist on persecuting God's Anointed. And that would be the end of it but no, Trump had to re-tweet this barely concealed call to violence in his daily ravings. Let's pretend it's 1859 and James Buchanan just called for the slave states to raise an army -- would the Congress have let it go by ("He's always saying stupid shit like that," said Thaddeus Stevens)? Neither should this one. Just keep digging that hole, you idiot.
As tired as I am of the word "whistleblower," I hope he or she continues to be anonymous and safe. Maybe we could make up a name. Joe Hill? Anyone using that? No, every Joe Hill in the country will get gaudy death threats from the 101st Chairborne. "Whistleblower" it is.
Ukrainians are now referring to their president as "Monica Zelensky." It's a small world, after all.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 2:55 PM
1 Comments:
"As tired as I am of the word 'whistleblower,"'I hope he or she continues to be anonymous and safe."
I yearn for some bright student at the Juilliard School to write a Symphony for Whistleblower, Horns and Kazoo. It might make generous use of cymbals as well. I promise to buy a ticket to the performance.
Yours crankily,
The New York Crank
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