Peanuts and other observations

Back in the last century, every elementary school classroom smelled of peanuts.  Every third inmate had a pb&j in the backpack because it was the quickest thing a stressed parent -- be fair, mother -- could slap together in the morning.  Nobody died.  Nobody even got epi-penned by a teacher.  I would remember.  Don't think I'm making light of this; I do understand that people who have a near-death experience if they enter a peanut contamination zone are not "crisis actors," as the loonies call the victims of mass murder.  It is real.  I just want to know where it came from.  Human beings simply do not evolve that quickly.  Therefore something must have changed in the molecular structure of the peanut.  Some gooberologist decided that humankind needs a peanut which will survive drought, or mold, or interstellar travel.  He got a grant and he tampered in Todd's Rogaine -- Rod's propane -- God's domain, yeah, that's it.  And look where we are, Mr. George Washington Carver wannabe.  We live in a world where people have to study every packaged food to make sure it wasn't processed in a county where peanuts were handled.  Thank you.  Why don't you see if you can ruin cashews, you silly sod?

This is for Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, John Oliver, Seth Meyers, James Corden, and everyone else who makes a good living and gets copious laughs repeating Trump's idiocies with droll comments:  Please stop.  Treason, bribery, high crimes and other misdemeanors are not funny.  You have done outstanding work keeping us from leaping off bridges, but Americans are not sufficiently aware of how awful our predicament is.  They think Trump is just another punchline like Kardashian or Lewinsky.  When they hear "Big Brother" they think reality show, not Orwell.  The entire executive branch and half the Congress is under Putin's thumb.  It's not your job to make this plain -- I blame the so-called serious journalists -- but stop the cheap laughs.

The Ukraine scandal -- someone suggested calling it "Greatgate," as in Kiev, as in Pictures at an Exhibition -- could be a splendid opportunity.  Not only is it finally pressuring Pelosi to make an opening gambit in this ten-dimensional chess game she's supposedly playing, but it makes Biden look even more vulnerable than his own stumbles and gaffes.  Nobody needs a campaign where both sides dramatize the heartbreak of Alzheimer's on a daily basis.  Now Elizabeth Warren's kids are not engaged in skeevy business in Ukraine.  Iowa Democrats know what I'm talking about.

Warning the UN about the dangers of globalization is a little like telling Catholics to quit gobbling up those communion wafers.  Where does Numbnuts think he is, a monster truck rally in East Feces, Idaho?

I'll be honest, I thought Thomas Cook went out of business years ago.  Who uses a travel agent in 2019?