Walking on sunshine
Forget everything you know about the world. It's a good day because the Independent was waiting for me with this story: NUDE MAN CHASES WILD BOAR THROUGH PUBLIC PARK AFTER SWINE STEALS HIS LAPTOP. It's 2020, so of course there are photos, though I would have preferred video. As in all good stories, pizza makes an appearance. And now I know that in at least one Berlin park, nude sunbathers share space with wild boars. I like the new Germany.
If it hadn't come on the heels of his struggle with "Yosemite" we probably would have ignored Trump's pronunciation of the Asian kingdom of "Thighland." After all, he corrected himself. (By now the Acting Secretary of Teleprompter should know enough to spell things phonetically.) Good for a few Twitter jokes at best. But no, freshly un-feloned Dinesh D'Souza could not let it go and had to inform us "frontier people" that "Thighland" is the correct pronunciation all over the British Empire, God save it, and we're doing it wrong. Trump can do no wrong. It's like Castilian Spanish still following a long-dead king with a lisp, or Britons saying "eye-ther" in imitation of German-speaking King George I. D'Souza probably says KEEN-ya, too. What an arsehole.
I haven't paid much attention to the funny pages since Garry Trudeau retired from daily "Doonesbury" so I have to ask: Has Scott Adams always been like this? I knew he was an Always-Trumper but to suggest that a Biden presidency will cause all police to quit and that Republicans will be "hunted" -- are we talking about Joe Biden from Delaware? Not some character from Deliverance? The one who goes to mass and talks about "malarkey"? How did Adams get inside my head, where I fantasize about using Republicans for fertilizer or bait? Perhaps I've said too much. Look, Democratic voters passed on all those terrifying women and socialists and people of color and nominated the coziest old white guy they could find because we can't afford to lose this one. If you're frightened by Joe Biden you probably can't leave the house even to register, so you won't be voting anyway. I hope you get professional help with that.
Call it "26 Billboards Outside Louisville, Kentucky." Oprah has paid for them, one for each year of Breonna Taylor's life, demanding justice for the woman who was killed in her bed by police last March. There have been no arrests and only one firing to date. Oprah can be almost Trump-like in making things about herself but I do like it when she uses her power for good.
What do you do when your team beats the Texas Rangers? If you're coach Ryan Christenson of the Oakland A's you throw them a Nazi salute. Coach says he's "sorry" his arm unintentionally flew up, twice, during the 6-4 victory. He suffers from Strangelove Syndrome.
Predictable but sweet: New York Attorney General Letitia James is suing to break up the NRA over its financial misconduct and everyone sent the murder lobby "thoughts and prayers," from Gov. Jay Inslee (D-WA) to David Hogg (Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School survivor). Trump's advice: move to Texas.
Cleveland apparently rocks. Before Trump's bunga-bunga rally yesterday Gov. Mike DeWine announced he had tested positive for coronavirus. Today, negative. Is it a miracle, or is he just one more Republican who would rather not be photographed with Tangerine Idi Amin? Did the governor know the Trump campaign is still using "Live or Let Die" as walk-on music? Is he as appalled as this Twitter chorus? "They'll soon be playing Queen's 'Another One Bites the Dust,'" someone wrote. Yes, unless there's a banging arrangement of Sondheim's "Every Day a Little Death."
I can't find it now but I remember reading about wealthy women from Russia and China and probably other places coming to America to give birth, acquiring US citizenship for their babies (love that Fourteenth Amendment). This is, of course, an option that is denied, as often as possible, to poor women from Mexico and Central America. Trump even tried to abolish birthright citizenship by scrawling something on a KFC napkin. Now American women are traveling to other countries to have their babies. Although they mostly don't qualify for free medical care like citizens, the bill for a maternity stay is quite reasonable compared to the Land of the Fee. And one day, when little Brittany asks why she was born in Brittany, mom can explain what it was like in the bad old days before Medicare for All.
Some Black Lives Matter protesters in Salt Lake City are looking at life in prison for breaking windows and splashing red paint during a demonstration because when protesters combine into groups the law says they're a gang. Far-fetched? Fair Wayne Bryant is serving life in Louisiana for stealing a pair of hedge clippers. By himself.
Chip butties? Why don't you just reach into your chest, rip out your aorta and throw it against the wall?
If it hadn't come on the heels of his struggle with "Yosemite" we probably would have ignored Trump's pronunciation of the Asian kingdom of "Thighland." After all, he corrected himself. (By now the Acting Secretary of Teleprompter should know enough to spell things phonetically.) Good for a few Twitter jokes at best. But no, freshly un-feloned Dinesh D'Souza could not let it go and had to inform us "frontier people" that "Thighland" is the correct pronunciation all over the British Empire, God save it, and we're doing it wrong. Trump can do no wrong. It's like Castilian Spanish still following a long-dead king with a lisp, or Britons saying "eye-ther" in imitation of German-speaking King George I. D'Souza probably says KEEN-ya, too. What an arsehole.
I haven't paid much attention to the funny pages since Garry Trudeau retired from daily "Doonesbury" so I have to ask: Has Scott Adams always been like this? I knew he was an Always-Trumper but to suggest that a Biden presidency will cause all police to quit and that Republicans will be "hunted" -- are we talking about Joe Biden from Delaware? Not some character from Deliverance? The one who goes to mass and talks about "malarkey"? How did Adams get inside my head, where I fantasize about using Republicans for fertilizer or bait? Perhaps I've said too much. Look, Democratic voters passed on all those terrifying women and socialists and people of color and nominated the coziest old white guy they could find because we can't afford to lose this one. If you're frightened by Joe Biden you probably can't leave the house even to register, so you won't be voting anyway. I hope you get professional help with that.
Call it "26 Billboards Outside Louisville, Kentucky." Oprah has paid for them, one for each year of Breonna Taylor's life, demanding justice for the woman who was killed in her bed by police last March. There have been no arrests and only one firing to date. Oprah can be almost Trump-like in making things about herself but I do like it when she uses her power for good.
What do you do when your team beats the Texas Rangers? If you're coach Ryan Christenson of the Oakland A's you throw them a Nazi salute. Coach says he's "sorry" his arm unintentionally flew up, twice, during the 6-4 victory. He suffers from Strangelove Syndrome.
Predictable but sweet: New York Attorney General Letitia James is suing to break up the NRA over its financial misconduct and everyone sent the murder lobby "thoughts and prayers," from Gov. Jay Inslee (D-WA) to David Hogg (Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School survivor). Trump's advice: move to Texas.
Cleveland apparently rocks. Before Trump's bunga-bunga rally yesterday Gov. Mike DeWine announced he had tested positive for coronavirus. Today, negative. Is it a miracle, or is he just one more Republican who would rather not be photographed with Tangerine Idi Amin? Did the governor know the Trump campaign is still using "Live or Let Die" as walk-on music? Is he as appalled as this Twitter chorus? "They'll soon be playing Queen's 'Another One Bites the Dust,'" someone wrote. Yes, unless there's a banging arrangement of Sondheim's "Every Day a Little Death."
I can't find it now but I remember reading about wealthy women from Russia and China and probably other places coming to America to give birth, acquiring US citizenship for their babies (love that Fourteenth Amendment). This is, of course, an option that is denied, as often as possible, to poor women from Mexico and Central America. Trump even tried to abolish birthright citizenship by scrawling something on a KFC napkin. Now American women are traveling to other countries to have their babies. Although they mostly don't qualify for free medical care like citizens, the bill for a maternity stay is quite reasonable compared to the Land of the Fee. And one day, when little Brittany asks why she was born in Brittany, mom can explain what it was like in the bad old days before Medicare for All.
Some Black Lives Matter protesters in Salt Lake City are looking at life in prison for breaking windows and splashing red paint during a demonstration because when protesters combine into groups the law says they're a gang. Far-fetched? Fair Wayne Bryant is serving life in Louisiana for stealing a pair of hedge clippers. By himself.
Chip butties? Why don't you just reach into your chest, rip out your aorta and throw it against the wall?
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 1:10 PM
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