They got plenty of nothin'
This is interesting.
Jason Smith (R-MO) introduced a resolution "suggesting" that Senators currently running for president -- Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Amy Klobuchar and Cory Booker, according to my scorecard -- recuse themselves from the impeachment trial. This has no chance of passing the House, but indicates the degree of panic among Republicans. Control of the Senate is not enough, apparently, they also want to stack the jury. Their members on the Judiciary Committee, and a colorful bunch it is, spent the week arguing over the meaning of impeachment and occasionally wondering if it's even a real thing except for when a Democrat cheats on his wife (even if she is the personification of All Evil). When the articles go to the full House I expect Louie, Gaetz, Gym and the rest to march up and down banging on pots and playing "Dixie" on kazoos before jumping into the Nunesmobile and rushing to the White House to prostrate themselves before the Chosen One. "We did our best! Don't tweet about us!" Meanwhile, they're sweating like Prince Andrew doesn't.
Concerned that there might not be enough evidence against his client, Rudolph Giuliani is now, right this minute, in Ukraine talking to former prosecutors about the Bidens, a name they're probably sick of hearing. He may have some idea of hauling one of them back to Washington to sing the "No Collusion" song when the hearings resume, or present something, anything, that makes Hunter Biden look dirty, and by association, his father. Assuming Giuliani to have an idea is never wise. This field has been harvested, gleaned, and picked clean by crows. There's nothing there. Like her emails.
Georgia is bracing for a hilarious nasty primary fight. "Governor" Brian Kemp appointed Kelly Loeffler, a businesswoman and WNBA owner, to the Senate seat vacated by Johnny Isakson for health reasons. Loeffler has no political experience, but that's not the reason she's in Trump's crosshairs -- he wanted Doug Collins, loyal pet and ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee. So even Kemp is trying to put daylight between himself and the Chosen One. Even Matt "Water" Gaetz from our friendly neighbor to the south has put in his two tweet's worth to let everyone know he loves Trump more than Kemp does. Being attacked by Trump even before she has taken her seat might make Loeffler want to actually consider the mountain of evidence that's coming from the House. No wonder Jason Smith is spooked. Additionally...
Pamela Karlan, a professor at Stanford Law School, made a typically professorial joke while testifying as an expert witness this week. Explaining the difference between a president and a king to Louie Gohmert and other idiots, she said, "While the president can name his son Barron, he can't make him a baron." Anyone who has sat in a lecture hall with some academic who fancies herself another Sarah Silverman is wearily familiar with this kind of thing (and the dutiful half-laugh it gets), but jeez Louise, you would have thought she was proposing to eat the kid's liver with a nice chianti. Crossing a line! Attacking a child! It's not his fault his parents gave him a cockamamie name. (Actually he was named for publicist John Barron, a/k/a John Miller, one of his father's other personalities.) And of course, no one has ever made such a disgraceful joke before, especially not "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?" ("Because her father is Janet Reno."* Get it? Hillary's a big lez!) It was quite a sight, all those Republicans with their hair on fire. Turns out the committee room doesn't have sprinklers. And that, folks, is pretty much their only refutation of the charges -- a nasty woman made Barron wet his bed, lock her up.
Collectors of Trumpiana for the next DSM and other publications were handed a beauty this week, when a reporter brought up the abandonment of our Kurdish allies (this was in London -- the rest of the world hasn't forgotten). Count the repetitions: "We've taken the oil. I've taken the oil. We should have done it in other locations, frankly, where we were. I can name four of them right now, but we've taken the oil...our great soldiers are right around the oil, where we've got the oil." So, we have some oil? That Obama failed to take? Having gone broke in the casino business, Trump wants to see if he can do the same in petroleum? House Foreign Relations Committee, this one's for you.
The economy is perfect, the war on Thanksgiving has been won, so now's the time to throw almost seven hundred thousand of us off food stamps. Trump sought to drown out the mocking laughter of those NATO meanies (tariffs on French cheese and wine will show them!) by ordering the states to end SNAP payments to adults and encourage them to take those great jobs at Walmart until January. You can tell from the picture what a rise it gave him. As even Sonny Perdue must know, the food stamps program benefits farmers as much as the hungry poor, but farmers are now just one more group of people that Trump can't remember meeting. Be extra generous to your local food pantry this year.
In slightly better news for the poor, California can now spend $650 million of its own money housing homeless families this Christmas. The federal Department of Housing and Urban Development has been refusing to provide data which the bill requires before allocating the money to local authorities. Well, what do you want from a brain surgeon who's still learning how the Deep State works? Notice, none of this is federal money. Not for California. They won't rake the forests.
Thanksgiving is secure, but the war on Christmas continues. Like those rebs who weren't impressed by the news from Appomattox, several North Carolina towns have had to cancel their Christmas parades because some people won't leave their Confederate battle flags at home. And really, what's Christmas but celebrating treason and slavery along with Jesus and Santa? Heritage, you know. Of course, the patchwork federal budget only runs through December 20, so a lot more people may have their Christmas cancelled. Did I use the word "Christmas" enough?
This just in: The Obamas have spent twelve million dollars of their own money on a house in Martha's Vineyard. OBAMA NETFLIX! Must Investigate!!
*Attributed to Newt Gingrich
Jason Smith (R-MO) introduced a resolution "suggesting" that Senators currently running for president -- Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Amy Klobuchar and Cory Booker, according to my scorecard -- recuse themselves from the impeachment trial. This has no chance of passing the House, but indicates the degree of panic among Republicans. Control of the Senate is not enough, apparently, they also want to stack the jury. Their members on the Judiciary Committee, and a colorful bunch it is, spent the week arguing over the meaning of impeachment and occasionally wondering if it's even a real thing except for when a Democrat cheats on his wife (even if she is the personification of All Evil). When the articles go to the full House I expect Louie, Gaetz, Gym and the rest to march up and down banging on pots and playing "Dixie" on kazoos before jumping into the Nunesmobile and rushing to the White House to prostrate themselves before the Chosen One. "We did our best! Don't tweet about us!" Meanwhile, they're sweating like Prince Andrew doesn't.
Concerned that there might not be enough evidence against his client, Rudolph Giuliani is now, right this minute, in Ukraine talking to former prosecutors about the Bidens, a name they're probably sick of hearing. He may have some idea of hauling one of them back to Washington to sing the "No Collusion" song when the hearings resume, or present something, anything, that makes Hunter Biden look dirty, and by association, his father. Assuming Giuliani to have an idea is never wise. This field has been harvested, gleaned, and picked clean by crows. There's nothing there. Like her emails.
Georgia is bracing for a
Pamela Karlan, a professor at Stanford Law School, made a typically professorial joke while testifying as an expert witness this week. Explaining the difference between a president and a king to Louie Gohmert and other idiots, she said, "While the president can name his son Barron, he can't make him a baron." Anyone who has sat in a lecture hall with some academic who fancies herself another Sarah Silverman is wearily familiar with this kind of thing (and the dutiful half-laugh it gets), but jeez Louise, you would have thought she was proposing to eat the kid's liver with a nice chianti. Crossing a line! Attacking a child! It's not his fault his parents gave him a cockamamie name. (Actually he was named for publicist John Barron, a/k/a John Miller, one of his father's other personalities.) And of course, no one has ever made such a disgraceful joke before, especially not "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?" ("Because her father is Janet Reno."* Get it? Hillary's a big lez!) It was quite a sight, all those Republicans with their hair on fire. Turns out the committee room doesn't have sprinklers. And that, folks, is pretty much their only refutation of the charges -- a nasty woman made Barron wet his bed, lock her up.
Collectors of Trumpiana for the next DSM and other publications were handed a beauty this week, when a reporter brought up the abandonment of our Kurdish allies (this was in London -- the rest of the world hasn't forgotten). Count the repetitions: "We've taken the oil. I've taken the oil. We should have done it in other locations, frankly, where we were. I can name four of them right now, but we've taken the oil...our great soldiers are right around the oil, where we've got the oil." So, we have some oil? That Obama failed to take? Having gone broke in the casino business, Trump wants to see if he can do the same in petroleum? House Foreign Relations Committee, this one's for you.
The economy is perfect, the war on Thanksgiving has been won, so now's the time to throw almost seven hundred thousand of us off food stamps. Trump sought to drown out the mocking laughter of those NATO meanies (tariffs on French cheese and wine will show them!) by ordering the states to end SNAP payments to adults and encourage them to take those great jobs at Walmart until January. You can tell from the picture what a rise it gave him. As even Sonny Perdue must know, the food stamps program benefits farmers as much as the hungry poor, but farmers are now just one more group of people that Trump can't remember meeting. Be extra generous to your local food pantry this year.
In slightly better news for the poor, California can now spend $650 million of its own money housing homeless families this Christmas. The federal Department of Housing and Urban Development has been refusing to provide data which the bill requires before allocating the money to local authorities. Well, what do you want from a brain surgeon who's still learning how the Deep State works? Notice, none of this is federal money. Not for California. They won't rake the forests.
Thanksgiving is secure, but the war on Christmas continues. Like those rebs who weren't impressed by the news from Appomattox, several North Carolina towns have had to cancel their Christmas parades because some people won't leave their Confederate battle flags at home. And really, what's Christmas but celebrating treason and slavery along with Jesus and Santa? Heritage, you know. Of course, the patchwork federal budget only runs through December 20, so a lot more people may have their Christmas cancelled. Did I use the word "Christmas" enough?
This just in: The Obamas have spent twelve million dollars of their own money on a house in Martha's Vineyard. OBAMA NETFLIX! Must Investigate!!
*Attributed to Newt Gingrich
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 12:57 PM
1 Comments:
>>Having gone broke in the casino business, Trump wants to see if he can do the same in petroleum?<<
Sorry, I have to give you an I for Incomplete on this. Having gone broke in the casino business leaves out Trump having gone broke in the airline business (remember Trump Airlines?), the for-profit education business (remember Trump University?) and the steak business (remember the gristle?)
>>The economy is perfect, the war on Thanksgiving has been won, so now's the time to throw almost seven hundred thousand of us off food stamps. <<
Once again, Incomplete. You left out the Social Security cut disguised as a Social Security "Increase." Here's how it works. Everybody gets a 1.6 percent increase, because that's how much the cost of living has gone up, according to Trump economists who clearly don't go to the supermarket or pay rent very often. But then, Medicare costs of been increased, wiping out most of the gains for some people. Others, who still earn a modest income, get hit with a bigger Medicare increase which not only wipes out the raise, but leaves them cashing a smaller Social Security check than last year.
>>Thanksgiving is secure, but the war on Christmas continues...<<
Right, And so, because 'tis the season, I refused to wish you more than a meretricious and a happy new year.
Yours crankily,
The New York Crank
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