Begging Tuesday
Virtually from the moment I typed in my password I have been importuned for money -- from charities I support and charities I never heard of, from blogs and news organizations and small magazines. Thanks to Microsoft, may they die in agony, I don't even have to open my mailbox because the demands pop up in the corner of the screen while I'm trying to do something else. It's not as if I don't get them every other day, but who is the stable genius who came up with Giving Tuesday? And of course it's every third webpage I visit -- "I see you're using AdBlock. How dare you? No article for you." "You have nine articles left -- subscribe now!" "Already a subscriber? Go find your password and put it in again. We'll reject it a few times and then you can spend ten minutes setting up another one and then if you can remember what you wanted to read..."
Enough. All of you, out. I am in full Ebenezer Scrooge mood, and it's not going to be pretty.
1. I am not Oprah Winfrey or Warren Buffett. I am not a Vanderbilt heir. I am a retired bookkeeper living on Social Security. There are only so many ways I can slice up the pie.
2. I don't care for bandwagon events like Giving Tuesday or Gingivitis Awareness Week or National Pickle Month. I don't even celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day. Oh, sure, movie pirates are a significant part of our culture, but I don't like the feeling of being required to Join In. On some random day, I will channel my Robert Newton for a select few. As we say on Jimmy Cagney's birthday, that's the kind of hairpin I am. If I'm asked to stand with immigrants or help rebuild Albania tomorrow, you may well find me in a giving mood. Not now.
3. As far as I'm concerned AdBlock is one of the Seven Wonders of the World. It's an eighth sacrament. It's the Uffizi Gallery, it's Garbo's salary, it's cellophane, and I will take it off for no one. Remember what YouTube used to be like, with commercials rammed between the notes of a Schubert symphony? Not going back there.
Now all of you good people can fuck right off.
Enough. All of you, out. I am in full Ebenezer Scrooge mood, and it's not going to be pretty.
1. I am not Oprah Winfrey or Warren Buffett. I am not a Vanderbilt heir. I am a retired bookkeeper living on Social Security. There are only so many ways I can slice up the pie.
2. I don't care for bandwagon events like Giving Tuesday or Gingivitis Awareness Week or National Pickle Month. I don't even celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day. Oh, sure, movie pirates are a significant part of our culture, but I don't like the feeling of being required to Join In. On some random day, I will channel my Robert Newton for a select few. As we say on Jimmy Cagney's birthday, that's the kind of hairpin I am. If I'm asked to stand with immigrants or help rebuild Albania tomorrow, you may well find me in a giving mood. Not now.
3. As far as I'm concerned AdBlock is one of the Seven Wonders of the World. It's an eighth sacrament. It's the Uffizi Gallery, it's Garbo's salary, it's cellophane, and I will take it off for no one. Remember what YouTube used to be like, with commercials rammed between the notes of a Schubert symphony? Not going back there.
Now all of you good people can fuck right off.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 1:09 PM
2 Comments:
I don't see any links to actually send money, but this post had me looking for one.Put one up and I'll be there. Otherwise, if admiration will do, you've got it.
From the pile of appeals for money under which I am buried, include appeals from organizations to which I have very recently sent money, but which seem more intent on pestering me for more than on shutting up and depositing the checks, I offer you my gratitude and a hearty hurrah!
Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank
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