Super fun holiday time news
I can't even take a day off because, as Charles Foster Kane observed, the news goes on for twenty-four hours a day. But at least it's fun news. For instance...
Leonardo DiCaprio was the subject of a conspiracy theory so insane, if Trump weren't so fat he'd be kicking himself. Jair Bolsonaro, Trump's Portuguese-speaking twin, accused Leo of starting the wildfires that damaged the Amazon rain forest almost as badly as government policy last summer. He also put green dye in the Olympic diving pool to embarrass Brazil. I made one of those up.
Two people were stabbed to death by a terrorist on London Bridge yesterday. That's not remotely funny. This is: before he was shot and killed by police, the murderer was stopped by a man with a fire extinguisher and a Polish immigrant with a narwhal tusk. Let's hope Luckasz (he didn't want to give his other name) gets to stay in the country post-Brexit. After the incident, Londoners kept cool and carried on with their regular Friday night binge-drinking. Oh, you want more? The terrorist was in London to attend a conference on rehabilitating offenders. He was on parole for a plot to bomb the Stock Exchange. This is going to come up at the next debate.
A previous debate dealt with climate change, a fact which Rightzis do not acknowledge. When Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson failed to show up, Channel 4 represented them with ice sculptures. BloJo has already retaliated by threatening to yank their license. It seems the former "journalist" does not have much use for freedom of expression.
Most rockers have security to protect them from overexcited fans, but they can't protect you from yourself. Kid Rock went on a drunken rant about Joy Behar, Oprah Winfrey and Kathy Lee Gifford and had to be led off the stage by his own bodyguards. Stay classy, Trumpanzee.
Not at all funny are the hellish working conditions at the Amazon fulfillment center in Staten Island, as documented by OSHA. One employee suffered a miscarriage in her fifth month of pregnancy (luckily she wasn't in Ohio). I hope this helps when deciding where to buy holiday gifts.
Attention Tom Steyer and Mike Bloomberg: Before you waste any more money inflating your egos with hopeless political campaigns, please read this story about Richard Sherman. The Seahawks player has paid the lunch debt at Cabrillo Middle School in Santa Clara, California. Plenty more poor and hungry kids out there. If you ask, I'll bet they'd put your name on the cafeteria.
Leonardo DiCaprio was the subject of a conspiracy theory so insane, if Trump weren't so fat he'd be kicking himself. Jair Bolsonaro, Trump's Portuguese-speaking twin, accused Leo of starting the wildfires that damaged the Amazon rain forest almost as badly as government policy last summer. He also put green dye in the Olympic diving pool to embarrass Brazil. I made one of those up.
Two people were stabbed to death by a terrorist on London Bridge yesterday. That's not remotely funny. This is: before he was shot and killed by police, the murderer was stopped by a man with a fire extinguisher and a Polish immigrant with a narwhal tusk. Let's hope Luckasz (he didn't want to give his other name) gets to stay in the country post-Brexit. After the incident, Londoners kept cool and carried on with their regular Friday night binge-drinking. Oh, you want more? The terrorist was in London to attend a conference on rehabilitating offenders. He was on parole for a plot to bomb the Stock Exchange. This is going to come up at the next debate.
A previous debate dealt with climate change, a fact which Rightzis do not acknowledge. When Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson failed to show up, Channel 4 represented them with ice sculptures. BloJo has already retaliated by threatening to yank their license. It seems the former "journalist" does not have much use for freedom of expression.
Most rockers have security to protect them from overexcited fans, but they can't protect you from yourself. Kid Rock went on a drunken rant about Joy Behar, Oprah Winfrey and Kathy Lee Gifford and had to be led off the stage by his own bodyguards. Stay classy, Trumpanzee.
Not at all funny are the hellish working conditions at the Amazon fulfillment center in Staten Island, as documented by OSHA. One employee suffered a miscarriage in her fifth month of pregnancy (luckily she wasn't in Ohio). I hope this helps when deciding where to buy holiday gifts.
Attention Tom Steyer and Mike Bloomberg: Before you waste any more money inflating your egos with hopeless political campaigns, please read this story about Richard Sherman. The Seahawks player has paid the lunch debt at Cabrillo Middle School in Santa Clara, California. Plenty more poor and hungry kids out there. If you ask, I'll bet they'd put your name on the cafeteria.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 5:04 PM
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