Vaudeville is alive and well
You're through, Burns and Allen. Step aside, Stiller and Meara. America has a new husband-and-wife comedy team, and it's Donnie and Mel!
Because I'm a bad person, I whiled away a large portion of this afternoon enjoying the middle- and high-school kids of Baltimore jeering at the First Escort. She brought her BeBest project, or initiative, or whatever it is, to something deliriously called the Baltimore Youth Opioid Summit, dressed head to tiptoes in expensive brown leather and wearing a fresh coat of kabuki makeup. From start to finish, the kids let her have it. Elijah Cummings would have been proud. You know what to do about all the scolds grieving the the loss of "civility" and "respect."
Despite reports that he now spends most of his time being "productive" in bed, her husband/straight man will still put on his Homer Simpson pants and report to the Oval when something important comes up. Yesterday he made his very perfect signature on something called the Women's Suffrage Centenary Commemorative Coin Act. Next year it will be a century since the passage of the Nineteenth Amendment, and to make up for cancelling the Harriet Tubman twenty, her face will appear on some one-dollar gold coins along with Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Ida B. Wells, and some other women you vaguely remember from that half-hour lesson in high school.
"I'm curious why it wasn't done a long time ago," he ruminated, before responding, "I guess the answer to that is because now I'm president, and we get things done. We get a lot of things done that nobody else got done." One guess: He thinks he just gave women the vote. Better guess: He doesn't know what "centenary" means. Mulvaney pounded on his door and shouted "Gold coins!" (old people always have the television up high) until he rolled out of bed and waddled to the shower. Am I close? Did he specify "no fat chicks" for the photo-op?
Tomorrow there's more slapstick at the annual turkey-pardoning, an event so idiotic that even Barack Obama couldn't make it look cool, getting a ton of teenage eye-roll from Malia and Sasha. Trump is terrified of animals and germs (and stairs, and rain, and food that requires chewing), and he has already had to be in the presence of a dog this week. Conan is a Belgian Malinois (like a German shepherd only Belgian) who participated in the raid that led to al-Baghdadi's suicide, but despite that act of bravery, the dog was forced to visit the White House, where Trump pronounced it a "smart cookie," the same phrase he once applied to Kim Jong-un. Kim is known to be male, but no one seems sure about Conan, and the pointless debate has gone on all day. If Conan proves to be a bitch and not, as I suspect, a neutered male, Congress should hold hearings about why she was named after Conan O'Brien. Finally a job Devin Nunes could handle.
Because I'm a bad person, I whiled away a large portion of this afternoon enjoying the middle- and high-school kids of Baltimore jeering at the First Escort. She brought her BeBest project, or initiative, or whatever it is, to something deliriously called the Baltimore Youth Opioid Summit, dressed head to tiptoes in expensive brown leather and wearing a fresh coat of kabuki makeup. From start to finish, the kids let her have it. Elijah Cummings would have been proud. You know what to do about all the scolds grieving the the loss of "civility" and "respect."
Despite reports that he now spends most of his time being "productive" in bed, her husband/straight man will still put on his Homer Simpson pants and report to the Oval when something important comes up. Yesterday he made his very perfect signature on something called the Women's Suffrage Centenary Commemorative Coin Act. Next year it will be a century since the passage of the Nineteenth Amendment, and to make up for cancelling the Harriet Tubman twenty, her face will appear on some one-dollar gold coins along with Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Ida B. Wells, and some other women you vaguely remember from that half-hour lesson in high school.
"I'm curious why it wasn't done a long time ago," he ruminated, before responding, "I guess the answer to that is because now I'm president, and we get things done. We get a lot of things done that nobody else got done." One guess: He thinks he just gave women the vote. Better guess: He doesn't know what "centenary" means. Mulvaney pounded on his door and shouted "Gold coins!" (old people always have the television up high) until he rolled out of bed and waddled to the shower. Am I close? Did he specify "no fat chicks" for the photo-op?
Tomorrow there's more slapstick at the annual turkey-pardoning, an event so idiotic that even Barack Obama couldn't make it look cool, getting a ton of teenage eye-roll from Malia and Sasha. Trump is terrified of animals and germs (and stairs, and rain, and food that requires chewing), and he has already had to be in the presence of a dog this week. Conan is a Belgian Malinois (like a German shepherd only Belgian) who participated in the raid that led to al-Baghdadi's suicide, but despite that act of bravery, the dog was forced to visit the White House, where Trump pronounced it a "smart cookie," the same phrase he once applied to Kim Jong-un. Kim is known to be male, but no one seems sure about Conan, and the pointless debate has gone on all day. If Conan proves to be a bitch and not, as I suspect, a neutered male, Congress should hold hearings about why she was named after Conan O'Brien. Finally a job Devin Nunes could handle.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 2:12 PM
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