Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Regrets

Like many septuagenarians, Trump seems to regret moving to Florida.  Yesterday he was back in New York inserting himself into the city's Veterans Day parade.  It did not go well.  Should have gone to Arlington, where it's easier to vet the crowd.

Three thousand miles away, Donald Junior had had a worse time.  A draft-dodger who slanders veterans and Gold Star families should anticipate booing at a Veterans Day event.  An "author" who shows up to promote his liberal-trashing "book" to a mob of white nationalists expects a warmer reception, especially when he brings his glossy girlfriend along for them to look at.  But Fredo refused to take questions (some would say because he hasn't read the "book") and the nationalists didn't like it.  Everything about this is hilarious.

A 33-year-old orangutan has arrived at the Center for Great Apes in Wauchula, Florida.  Why is this significant?  Because Sandra previously lived in Argentina  (like many others, an immigrant from Germany) where she was officially granted personhood status.  This is going to wind up in the Supreme Court.  What if Sandra wants to run for governor?

I feel safe in saying, however, that only in America could you read the words "killed by shrapnel from a gender reveal party."  This is a new atrocity invented by people with more money than sense.  It's no longer enough to gather friends and family and serve cupcakes with pink or blue frosting.  Telling everyone your fetus's sex requires NFL-style pyrotechnics and first responders on speed-dial.  The revelry so far has included a plane crash and a car destroyed by fire, in addition to that pipe-bomb fatality in Iowa.  Some day the parents will have to explain why little Dylan only has one Nana.

Colorful commentator Don Cherry does not regret the colorful things he said about immigrants which got him fired from the revered Hockey Night In Canada.   It's not clear how he knows that none of them wear a paper poppy at this time of the year, but now he has more time for research.

If you're less than enthralled with the dozens of candidates for president, how about Don "the Con" Blankenship, pursuing the nomination of something called the Constitution Party.  He's also currently suing all sorts of people for defamation because they identified him as a felon (he was convicted of a misdemeanor, something to do with twenty-nine dead miners in Utah).  And the defendants include Donald Trump, Jr., which is where I came in.  I keep getting Blankenship confused with the other coal monster Bob Murray, whose lawsuit against HBO and John Oliver was dismissed to great rejoicing here.  No regrets.

 




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