Through the looking glass

The impeachment has now entered its goofy phase.

When a reporter asked, "Do you think it's OK for the president to pressure foreign governments to interfere in our elections?" Rep. Don Young (R-AK) responded by head-butting the camera.  Young is 86, so it may be time to push him out to sea on an ice floe, if Alaska still has one.

Cybersecurity "expert" and "lawyer" Rudolph Giuliani locked himself out of his Smartphone after entering the wrong code ten times.  He had to seek help at the Apple store like a common non-expert.  Not just any Apple store, but one in Gomorrah-by-the-Bay, San Francisco, where I suppose he was sent to gather kompromat on Nancy Pelosi.

Tucker Carlson has evidently lost what must be termed his mind.  He now regales viewers with weird, highly developed fantasies about Adam Schiff masturbating to "impeachment," which Tucker believes the Congressman has taped to his bedroom wall like his own Trump posters.  Here, have a link, I can't describe it.

Did you know the Fourth Reich has a Faith and Opportunity Initiative?  Sure, why not?  Florida religion hustler Paula White has been hired to pray away the impeachment and to assure everyone what a devout Christian Trump is.  Why, he once offered to build her a "crystal cathedral," the best cathedral ever, believe me.  With a gold T on top instead of a cross.  Apparently the Russians preferred to launder their money through a hotel in Turkmenistan that has no guests rather than try to out-grift the prosperity-gospel crowd.  Wise choice.

The impeachers want bloodthirsty loon John Bolton to testify, but he says he won't do so "voluntarily."  So it's like when the cops say, "Let us come in and look around" and the suspect says, "You got a warrant?" and the cops say, "No, but we can get one," and then after the commercial they come back with a warrant because some judge likes Jack McCoy's hot new ADA, and they search the place and find the gun in about fifteen seconds because the suspect didn't bother to hide it.  Like that.    Bolton, you'll recall, was fired after a few weeks from whatever job he had in the White House, so that revenge is probably cold enough to serve now.  But you know, get a warrant subpoena.

Speaking of law and order, banditos are breaching the glorious new WALL with power tools easily available at Home Depot and strolling through with their drugs.  See, this is why Trump wanted a moat full of poisonous dragons and those fish that swim up your penis.   Don't you people understand the meaning of "stable genius" yet?

Missouri's state health director keeps a spreadsheet which tracks the menstrual periods of patients at Planned Parenthood clinics.  I can only assume that, having all but outlawed abortion, the Show Me Your Tampons state plans to criminalize the monthly destruction of all those millions of innocent eggs which are wantonly flushed away instead of becoming beautiful new babies.  Even before The Handmaid's Tale, Philip Roth anticipated this in Our Gang.

Clear an hour:  Trump thinks all this witch hunt hoax impeachment will go away if he reads the (redacted) transcript of his shakedown call on television, maybe with Zelensky's lines read by Scott Baio.  That's standard Trump blather.  What's unforgivable and possibly impeachable is calling it a "fireside chat."  Why not do it in Gettysburg and shit on two great presidents at once?

I'm tired.  Remember to set your clocks back  -- to 1974.