The wrong time

"It is really a sad day for America.  It is, I think, going to hurt people's Christmas experience because this is going to be playing in the background.  Instead of Bing Crosby's Christmas album, we're going to have impeachment."  So says sad Matt Whitaker, former acting deputy acting assistant -- look, I think he was attorney general for a few weeks while the talent scouts were tracking down Barr.  That's right, the impeachment is just another front in the War on Christmas.  Instead of Der Bingle and Der Bowie harmonizing on "The Little Drummer Boy," you'll be trudging through Hugemart to the sound of twelve Ukrainians testifying, eleven Republicans ranting, ten witnesses invoking, nine lawyers circumlocuting...won't somebody think of the children?  

Obviously impeachment would be disastrous for Christmas as well as what Trump always calls "Our Country."  We could put it off until January, but that would ruin the two weeks we have to spend getting ready for the Superbowl.  Also, very unfair to the great Martin Luther King, and the many African Americans who celebrate his birthday.  I'm sure they wouldn't want February, Black History Month, hijacked by impeachment either.  And pitchers and catchers report to spring training, don't forget.  Most inappropriate for Presidents Day.  So maybe March?

St. Patrick.  I forgot.  

Look, there's just no time to do this that won't bum everybody out, even the pagans who celebrate Winter Solstice.  I think Whitaker underestimates Americans' ability to weather these psychic shocks.  I just checked, and the last impeachment occurred on December 19, 1998.  I'll let you know if I read of a member or former member of Bill Clinton's cabinet sobbing into the eggnog.

But nice try, Matt, you reminded Trump that you still exist.  He hasn't yelled at reporters that he never heard of you.  If promoting toilets for the overendowed dries up, so to speak, you'll be fine -- a job in  the executive branch opens up every few weeks.  Leave your name with Mitzi at reception and have a wonderful life.