Blue Monday
Remember that disturbing episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Commander Riker reached up and turned off Lt. Commander Data? Why isn't there a similar switch on Donald Trump, whose skin-tone and hair are as unnatural as Data's? (He could use a positronic brain, too.)
Over the weekend he called a radio station in Alabama and referred to senatorial candidate Roy Moore as "Ray." Twice. Had to be corrected by somebody named Bubba.
In case there were any Trumpanzees too deaf for dog-whistles, he praised the "patriotism" of NASCAR drivers and again attacked NFL players. Now he's been refuted by Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Tom Brady and the owner of the Patriots, as well as most NFL and NBA players. He also had the gall to invoke (dead, white) football star Pat Tillman, drawing a rebuke from Tillman's widow. This is what I mean about an off-switch.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders says it was "absolutely appropriate" for him to call Colin Kaepernick a "son of a bitch" in order to teach him patriotism. So I guess it's finally appropriate for me to call her an Arkansow, to teach her ethics.
Steve Mnuchin (yeah, Spellcheck, that's right) chimed in to the effect that athletes "can do free speech on their own time," as if it were a hobby like woodworking or insider trading. Mnuchin was most recently in the news for trying to get the Air Force to fly him and his current wife to Europe for some Goldman Sex, although he is richer than several small countries.
What's the recommended daily allowance for irony? I'm set up for the week, with the news that Jared "Lord High Everything Else" Kushner has been using a private email server for official government-type business. Clear the hallways in the Capitol so Rep. Tres Gowdy can start the investigation at once! Drag those wheelchair users away from Mitch McConnell's office! Yes, the ones who want to keep Obamacare and not die, the selfish bastards.
In dark and disturbing news, The Rehabilitation Center at Hollywood Hills left four voicemail messages at the emergency number of Gov. Rick Scott, asking for help with air conditioning before eleven patients died. Oddly, the messages have been deleted.
Later this week, a lucky group of carefully screened Deplorables in Indiana will have a chance to see King MAGA in the orange flesh. It's billed as a speech on "tax reform," but I predict a free-associative episode which will cover "Rocket Man," the new travel ban, LeBron James, the #FailingNFL, John McCain, Crooked Hillary, the magnificence of his New York apartment, and how the UN General Assembly cheered him like you wouldn't believe. So much cheering.
It's only the twenty-fifth of September, but we have a winner! Nasty Woman of the Month is Teresa Kaepernick, who tweeted: "Guess that makes me a proud bitch!" T-shirts are available in the gift shop.
Over the weekend he called a radio station in Alabama and referred to senatorial candidate Roy Moore as "Ray." Twice. Had to be corrected by somebody named Bubba.
In case there were any Trumpanzees too deaf for dog-whistles, he praised the "patriotism" of NASCAR drivers and again attacked NFL players. Now he's been refuted by Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Tom Brady and the owner of the Patriots, as well as most NFL and NBA players. He also had the gall to invoke (dead, white) football star Pat Tillman, drawing a rebuke from Tillman's widow. This is what I mean about an off-switch.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders says it was "absolutely appropriate" for him to call Colin Kaepernick a "son of a bitch" in order to teach him patriotism. So I guess it's finally appropriate for me to call her an Arkansow, to teach her ethics.
Steve Mnuchin (yeah, Spellcheck, that's right) chimed in to the effect that athletes "can do free speech on their own time," as if it were a hobby like woodworking or insider trading. Mnuchin was most recently in the news for trying to get the Air Force to fly him and his current wife to Europe for some Goldman Sex, although he is richer than several small countries.
What's the recommended daily allowance for irony? I'm set up for the week, with the news that Jared "Lord High Everything Else" Kushner has been using a private email server for official government-type business. Clear the hallways in the Capitol so Rep. Tres Gowdy can start the investigation at once! Drag those wheelchair users away from Mitch McConnell's office! Yes, the ones who want to keep Obamacare and not die, the selfish bastards.
In dark and disturbing news, The Rehabilitation Center at Hollywood Hills left four voicemail messages at the emergency number of Gov. Rick Scott, asking for help with air conditioning before eleven patients died. Oddly, the messages have been deleted.
Later this week, a lucky group of carefully screened Deplorables in Indiana will have a chance to see King MAGA in the orange flesh. It's billed as a speech on "tax reform," but I predict a free-associative episode which will cover "Rocket Man," the new travel ban, LeBron James, the #FailingNFL, John McCain, Crooked Hillary, the magnificence of his New York apartment, and how the UN General Assembly cheered him like you wouldn't believe. So much cheering.
It's only the twenty-fifth of September, but we have a winner! Nasty Woman of the Month is Teresa Kaepernick, who tweeted: "Guess that makes me a proud bitch!" T-shirts are available in the gift shop.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 1:46 PM
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