The gathering storm

This evil thing is called Hurricane Irma, a Category Five storm because there are no higher categories.  It broke the equipment used to measure wind velocity.  Storm-trackers say it's like having a T-5 tornado sit on top of you for hours.  No one in Barbuda (population 5,000) has been heard from all day.  It's bearing down on Puerto Rico, then Hispaniola, Cuba, the Virgin Islands. 

The Keys are already evacuated, and people are streaming out of Dade County.  The monster is almost certain to reach Florida, which may be why Trump is giving it so much of his attention.  "Not good...not good," he intoned, looking like a rabbit caught in quicksand.  Then there was a much more encouraging tweet:  "Watching Hurricane closely.  My team, which has done, and is doing, such a good job in Texas, is already in Florida.  No rest for the weary!"  (He originated that last sentence.  People are already using it everywhere!)  His team.  And of course, his stately pleasure dome of Mar-a-Legomyeggo.  I imagine he's getting hourly updates on the condition of the golf course.  I wonder if he even knows that some of the Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico, where all those brown people live, are America.

But the real problem, the outrage, is...well, listen:  "You cannot find a case of bottled water here in Palm Beach.  You can't.  Miami probably worse."  Yes, the stores have run out of Evian and Rush Limbaugh is livid.  Not even Poland Springs, from Maine, home of that treacherous Collins bitch.  Is he supposed to drink tap water like an idiot?  Because it's all a scheme by the media and the "deep state" to frighten people into believing in climate change and stampede them into the arms of the big-box stores.  (Costco is said to treat its workers with uncommon decency, so Rush probably despises them, but what about the rest?  He must really be thirsty.)

In other words, the whole thing is a hoax, Al Gore, George Soros, whatever, and we should just calm down.  Stare at that picture at the top and you'll find it's a painting of the head of a tropical bird, the eye of the worst hurricane on record only -- an eye.  Beautiful plumage. 

For the first and last time ever, I hope he's right.