Sunday, April 16, 2017

Special relationship

Under the headline PRESIDENT DEMANDS GOLD-PLATED WELCOME, The Times of London describes, with barely-concealed horror, the White House's demand that Trump gratify his love of shiny things by riding to Buckingham Palace next October in a coach.  Not any coach, of course -- he wants the gold coach used for weddings and coronations.  Hundreds of thousands of Britons don't want him there at all, and security is already a nightmare, but as long as someone else is paying for it, bring on the Windsor greys!

And then it gets better.

At state banquet, the Queen makes traditional champagne toast.  Trump responds with Coca-Cola, then talks for twenty minutes, bragging about how many electoral votes he got and complaining about corgis all over the palace peeing on the carpet.  In subsequent tweets he rates women in the room from one to nine ("Not a single 10!  SAD!!!") and praises Boris Johnson for liking him ("Very very smart.  We had good chemistry.  He talked to Melania in Yugoslavian!"). 

Next day, luncheon at the Guildhall.  Trump sends back steak because it's too rare, requests ketchup.  In remarks, makes joke about "bombing the shit" out of  Scotland if they vote to leave UK.  Deeply awkward photo-op, as he refuses to shake hands with Mayor Khan.  ("Are you related to Khizr Khan?") 

Guest of Prince Charles at match between Arsenal and Queen's Park Rangers.  Pronounces soccer "boring" because "hardly any goals!", attributes non-stop jeering to prince's unpopularity.  Insists on talking about how much he admired Princess Diana, and promises to send "my people" to Paris to "get to the bottom of what happened."  With Prince of Wales in tow, holds press conference at future site of Trump Trafalgar Hotel and Spa ("Absolutely the most beautiful steam room in Europe, believe me!").  Complains that statue of Nelson will ruin the view.

At the Barbican, attends performance of King Lear.  Leaves at interval, disturbed to find that Lear is being played by Glenda Jackson.  Possibly thinking of SNL, unleashes bizarre Twitter barrage on Melissa McCarthy.  Boasts of repairing relationship strained by Obama and "Crooked Hillary."

Happy chocolate egg day, and be sure to kiss Mike Easter.


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