What does it all mean?

 A Quinnipiac poll found Raphael Warnock with a comfortable lead in the Georgia Senate election.  If he can just keep Herschel Walker talking for the next four months, he can win by double digits.  John Fetterman is also doing well against carpetbagger Mehmet Oz.  (I know that term is reserved for Democrats but it just seems to fit someone with dual Turkish-American citizenship who only moved to Pennsylvania a few weeks ago.)  In Ohio Tim Ryan leads Trumpanzee J.D. Vance.  Never say I always bring bad news.  

Vance, Walker and Oz were all anointed by Trump, so his lousy week continues, I'm so very sorry to say.  The twice-impeached loser showed up on Newsmax for an interview and a veiled threat about their refusal to devote enough time to his lie:  "Fox doesn't put it on and by the way, you people don't put it on, either.  You're afraid of being sued or something.  I don't know.  Someday you'll have to explain that.  You'll probably cut what I'm saying right now."  Or not.  He probably longs for a day when he can denounce them to a tribunal and then -- the guillotine.  Sorry, I just finished Simon Shama's Citizens and bloody chaos is on my mind.

He's still wearing his tiny thumbs down to the joint ranting about Cassidy Hutchinson three days after her riveting appearance before the "Unselect Committee":  "The woman is living in fantasy land...She's a social climber if you call that social" [?].  If only Gym Jordan was there to "cross-examine."  The pathetically loyal Giuliani tried to help, tweeting, "She was never present when I asked for a pardon," then saying he "did not want or need" a pardon, then giving up and deleting the whole thing before reaching for another scotch.  The merely pathetic Junior Trump chimed in, "Their dream witness/coffee girl perjured herself!"  Now I believe every word she said, even the car incident she didn't personally see.

Junior's Uncle Rudy isn't having a good week, either.  His claim to be a victim of assault was met with raucous laughter and now Mayor Eric Adams wants the Staten Island DA to consider charging him with filing a false police report.  Also, Andrew Giuliani will not be the Republican candidate for governor.  Sucks to be them.  

 Is there a statute of limitations on arrest warrants?  A legal team combing through old records in the basement of the Leflore County courthouse in Mississippi found one for "Mrs. Roy Bryant" from 1955.  The sheriff didn't want to "bother" her as she had two young children, so he never served it.  The district attorney apparently sought information on her identification of Emmett Till as the person who whistled at her and who was subsequently murdered.  Carolyn Bryant Donham is still alive and still lives in the county, but it's unlikely she will be served at this point.  The US Justice Department closed the Till case earlier this year.  

A giant African land snail has turned up in central Florida.  It can destroy crops and give meningitis to humans, but don't worry -- Ron DeSantis will pass a law against it.

Pretty.

Speaking of Boatlift Hitler, Trump appears to have lost a supporter.  Joe Rogan has joined Team DeSantis.  Exciting, huh?

Yes, Lauren Boebert made oral noises again, this time asserting that "the church is supposed to direct the government."  Adam Kinzinger responded by calling her "Christian Taliban" and adding, "I say this as a Christian."  So stop calling me "Jewboy," he probably wanted to say.  

Boris Johnson, who considers himself witty, suggested at the G7 that he and others pose shirtless like Putin, who was not invited.  Big Bad Vlad, who nobody considers witty, retorted that western leaders would look "disgusting."  Not all of them, man-flaps.

Thank you, Mr. Chairman

 

It has been a week of unparalleled shittiness for America and Chairman Bennie Thompson decided we needed a little boost, a reason to keep on believing and hoping things will get better.  So he brought us Cassidy Hutchinson. 

Who?  She graduated from a college I never heard of, she interned for Steve Scalise and Ted Cruz, and she thinks Trump's "achievements" need to be recognized.  So far, not someone I would spend five minutes with.  She is said to be 25 years old.  But she was hired out of college to be the assistant to Mark Meadows when he became White House chief of staff in 2018, and this is where it gets interesting.

Meadows apparently wanted Hutchinson in every meeting "taking notes," a decision he may now regret.  She saw it all and she described it for the House Select Committee and oh, my, it was awesome, as the twenty-somethings say.  Nothing she said about Trump was surprising but all of it was tasty -- the food-flinging, the steering wheel slapstick, the blatant witness tampering and more F-bombs than a Tarantino movie.  Some fly-on-the-wall details:

She walked Giuliani to his car on January 2 and he asked if she was "excited" about the events planned for January 6.  She says she was "scared and nervous."  She knew these clowns.  She heard the words "Proud Boys" and "Oath Keepers," and not in the context of "Jesus, we should alert Homeland Security."

Trump was "fucking furious" about the size of the mob on the Ellipse, reduced because the Secret Service was screening for weapons.  He assured them they weren't there to shoot him, let them through so the crowd looks bigger!

She tried to call Meadows's attention to the mayhem on the television in his office.  He continued to stare at his phone, almost as if he wasn't surprised.

Trump demanded that "The Beast" (never has the presidential car been better named) be driven to the Capitol.  When his driver refused he grabbed the wheel, then lunged for the man's neck, screaming, "I'm the fucking president!"  We don't pay these agents enough.

She quoted Pat Cipollone, the White House counsel:  "Man, we need to do something more.  They're literally calling for the Vice-President to be fucking hung."  To which Meadows responded, "You heard him, Pat, he thinks Mike deserves it.  He doesn't think they're doing anything wrong."  

In the midst of the riot Trump tweeted, "Mike Pence didn't have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution."  Hutchinson pronounced herself "disgusted.  It was un-American.  We were watching the Capitol building get defaced over a lie."

She added Giuliani and Meadows to the list of plotters who requested pardons, to the amazement of nobody.  I wouldn't be surprised if Michael Flynn already had one.  Liz Cheney, who did the questioning, treated us to audio of the general repeatedly invoking the Fifth Amendment.  Even when asked if he believes in the peaceful transfer of power, our military hero apparently feared self-incrimination.

Then Cheney shared these responses from a couple of unnamed (so far) witnesses, who clearly were warned off in unmistakable mobster language.  "Good graces."  "Loyal."  "Protecting who I need to protect."  No fish wrapped in trousers?  Cheney calls this witness-tampering.  The only part I don't believe is "Trump does read transcripts."  

Trump watches television.  When he got back to the White House he saw Bill Barr telling the Associated Press there was no evidence of voter fraud, not even in Georgia.  Shortly afterward Hutchinson encountered a valet wiping ketchup off the wall and cleaning up broken crockery.  He flings his lunch when displeased, sometimes pulls the cloth off the table.  Barr should have known better than to go on at lunchtime.

And...hot off the Ministry of Truth Social wire, the septuagenarian toddler's measured response:  She's "a total phony and 'leaker'" of whom he knows almost nothing.  She wanted to go with certain others to Florida and "I personally turned her down...she was very upset and angry...She is bad news!"  

Well, he's right about that.  As Mick Mulvaney observed, "It's never the crime, it's always the cover-up." I look forward to the next torchlight rally where Trump denounces her as "no more than a seven."  Free-yow!

Cassidy Hutchinson is being compared to John Dean, another insider who decided to excise "the cancer on the presidency" he saw in the Watergate cover-up.  Dean was a lot more culpable, as White House counsel to Nixon, and served a prison sentence.  I don't know if he fielded the kind of death threats that will be coming this young woman's way, or what she plans to do with the rest of her life.  She could have claimed to be only one step up from an intern, pleaded the Fifth and quietly slipped away, but she didn't.  The last word was Bennie Thompson's, inviting others who might be remembering something significant, or those who discovered "some courage you had hidden away somewhere -- our door is always open."

That was the only picture of him smiling that I could find. 

   

 

The violence inherent in the system

 

Threats of violence.  Outrageous.  Call the police.  Call the FBI.  Help, help, I'm being repressed.  Etc.

I suppose this is in bad taste following the assassination attempt on America's Lawyer (suspended) Rudolph Giuliani.  It happened in a Staten Island supermarket.  Daniel Gill tapped him on the back and tried to open a conversation about the Supreme Court, employing the familiar New York expression "Hey, what's up, scumbag?"  And if the obese 78-year-old had not been in peak physical condition he probably would have died or else been rushed to the emergency room.  Neither happened.

"I got hit on the back as if a boulder hit me.  It knocked me forward a step or two.  It hurt tremendously."  "My back hurts but otherwise I'm able to walk and stuff like that.  He almost knocked me down," he insisted to the New York Times, which for some reason considered this fit to print.  If he weren't so strong "I would have hit the ground and probably cracked my skull."  He probably wishes he had, to bolster the inevitable whiplash lawsuit.  There's video, and a Staten Island jury just might buy it.  (Trump's First Law:  When you can't make money any other way, sue.)

Former Trump megaphone and future Arkansas governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders foreshadowed gaffes to come when she told supporters, "We will make sure that when a kid is in the womb, they're as safe as they are in a classroom, the workplace, a nursing home."  She forgot supermarkets and outdoor concerts.  Also, what's a kid doing in a nursing home?  Also, there's no such thing as a kid in a womb -- those are called zygotes, embryos and fetuses.  Also -- look, it's Arkansas.  She doesn't need my help.  She can get up and say "Urble burble jesus hammada hammada" and they'll cheer.

Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, is slated for demolition, but the massacre of nineteen children and two teachers will not fade away.  Despite the best efforts of Ken Paxton and others to conceal the official report, we have a timeline for the arrival of the police, the arrival of their shields and other equipment (including a halligan for breaking through a door which was probably unlocked) and their non-intervention for over an hour.  Just when you think it can't get worse, it does, this being Texas.  Angeli Rose Gomez was briefly handcuffed, then climbed a fence to rescue her two sons and several other students.  Now she is being harassed by Uvalde's Finest, who park near her house and flash their lights.  Gomez has been forced to send her sons away to spare them further anxiety.  Nevertheless she persists in lawsuits against the city and police department and in demanding the resignation of Chief Pete Arredondo.  (He didn't bring his radio to the school because it was uncomfortable to wear on his belt.)

"This was a very tragic situation that did not have to occur," said Deputy Chief Charles Hampton, Jr., of the Atlanta police.  He was referring to the shooting of two Subway employees, one fatally, by a customer who objected to the amount of mayonnaise on his sandwich.  (I love mayonnaise but I have observed that people who don't like it really don't like it.)  With respect, Deputy Chief, not only did it have to occur, it will occur more as carrying concealed weapons becomes as routine as slipping your phone into your pocket.  

Probably the last thing America needs is more caffeine, so Mike Lindell is diversifying.  Meet MyCoffee, "the best coffee you are ever gonna have in your life!"  Chock full of nuts, but you already knew that about Mike.

As Tayo Bero details in the Guardian, childbirth is already dangerous for African American women and will predictably get worse following the forced-birth ruling.  So when Mary Miller hailed "a historic victory for white life" she didn't mis-speak, or stammer, or whatever she claims today.  If Beyonce and Serena Williams were medically neglected, imagine what non-celebrities will face, already face.  

Undeterred by the millions he owes in FCC fines, Jacob Wohl (one half of the comedy team Burkman & Wohl) showed up at a protest outside the Supreme Court to assert that most of the protesters would never need abortions on account of being "ugly" and "morbidly obese."  He also believes women "belong in the kitchen."  I'll bet his mom regrets letting him use her phone for those robocalls.

It's summer, so One America News introduced its newest mouth Alison Steinberg.  She will be covering foreign affairs with commentary like "Supporting Ukraine is gay!"  Lest you think that's a compliment, she went home to Huntington Beach, California, to throw an ugly because the city had raised a Pride flag which in no way represents "hard-working American people."  But how does she know LGBTQ people all live off trust funds?  Documents, please.

Who's up for Mormon crickets?  They're three inches long, they're technically katydids, and they're scarfing up crops in the west where they love the heat and drought.  They were first encountered in the 19th century in Utah, hence the name.  A rancher called the outbreak "truly Biblical" but he may have meant "Book of Mormon-y."

The American Red Cross is facing a blood shortage caused by a shortage of workers; the long delays drive away potential donors.  By tomorrow it will be Joe Biden's fault.  The Mormon crickets, too, probably.  Did you know baby formula is six dollars a gallon? 

US Catholic bishops are still winded from their happy dance on Friday, but the home office says "Not so fast."  A Vatican spokesman reminded them that being "pro-life" also involves grappling with poverty and easy access to guns.  The response was either crickets or katydids.

Hearing alert!  Despite a previous announcement that it would re-convene after July 4, the House Select Committee is holding a special session tomorrow to "present recently obtained evidence."  I can't wait.

  

 

Dog catches car

 "If the Republic is saved just because the people trying to steal it are dumb, I'll take it," Charlie Pierce wrote about some idiocy at what he calls Camp Runamuck, a/k/a the Trump White House.  Probably the best thing we have going for us at this point is the aggressive dumbness of the entire Republican cult, usually bolstered by its belief in its own vast smartness.  I present:

On Friday Barack Obama tweeted, "Today, the Supreme Court not only reversed 50 years of precedent, it relegated the most intensely personal decision someone can make to the whims of politicians and ideologues -- attacking the essential freedoms of millions of Americans."  John Cornyn re-tweeted this, chortling, "Now do Plessy vs Ferguson/Brown vs Board of Education."  Because short of using the n-word Republicans are proud to share their racism with the world.  

Not to mention their ignorance.  Cornyn is in disgrace with the other Christofascists since he negotiated the new gun "control" bill, so he decided to step up and show off.  What he doesn't know is that Plessy mandated segregation (on public transportation), exactly the opposite of Brown, which overturned it (in public schools).  I assume they don't teach so good in Texas.  Shame on the University of Virginia Law School, which gave this schmuck a degree.  I learned this stuff in high school, but that was in New Jersey, mid-Sixties.  We didn't appreciate it enough at the time.

So what the senior senator and former associate justice of the Texas Supreme Court would like to see is a return to second-class citizenship for Black Americans, and he doesn't care who knows it.  He and his co-conspirators already salivate at the thought of making same-sex marriage illegal, contraception unobtainable, superstition enforced on all and democracy a thing of the past.  It could happen.  They enemy will re-convene on the first Monday in October.

No sentient being can harbor any doubts that racism, misogyny, homophobia and religious bigotry come in the same fetid package.  In Illinois Trump's chosen candidate for the 15th district, Mary Miller, declared the end of Roe "a historic victory for white life" and praised the former Russian puppet as he smirked over her shoulder.  Others praised him in roughly the same terms as Jesus, but all is not as it seems.  According to Rolling Stone Trump takes credit for everything but privately worries that suburban women in particular will resent having to travel to other lands for their abortions, even neighboring ones.  (Justin Trudeau called the decision "horrific" and said Canadian clinics will try to cope with the additional demand.  American women are already seeking abortions in Mexico.)  A recovering Republican named Sarah Longwell calls it "the dog that caught the car."  Attacking abortion appeals to voters, banning it does not.  Don't ask me to explain it.  Fascism eventually overreaches.  Had he never invaded Poland Hitler could have died of old age, like Franco.

In the era of Tommy Tuberville and Ron Johnson there's no such thing as "too dumb to be a Senator," but if there were, one symptom would be the inability to tell when someone is lying.  Three people who should never serve on a jury are Susan Collins, Joe Manchin and Lisa Murkowski, all of whom helped put Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and Barrett where they are.  After the infamous leaked draft, Murkowski said her "confidence in the Court has been rocked."  Imagine, the nominees sat right there and swore to tell the truth and then...oh, get some pearls so you can clutch them.  You too, Joe.  (Say, I wonder if that Dr. Ford could have been right after all.)  Expecting anything Trump-adjacent to be truthful is like expecting your hamster to sing Winterreise in Carnegie Hall.

Of course the people peaceably assembled to petition for redress of grievances.  Of course post-Roe America encountered post-Trump America.  In Providence Jeann Lugo, a police officer running for the state senate, punched Jennifer Rourke, the Democratic candidate for the same seat.  In Cedar Rapids, Iowa, the male driver of a Ford truck rammed a group of women, sending one to the hospital.  (The driver is unidentified but the license plate WRAPTOR may be a clue.)  Protesters at the Arizona senate so frightened the legislators that tear gas had to be deployed, just as it wasn't when fake electors invaded the place in 2021.  DHS expects "violence for weeks," but not this kind -- they're worried about poor judges and government officials.  Imagine if they had to endure unpleasant phone calls and drive-by shouting, like Rusty Bowers.  The horror.  

The most recent target of Rightzi wrath (apart from educators and librarians) has been district attorneys accused of being too liberal (Chesa Boudin in San Francisco, George Gascon in Los Angeles, Larry Krasner in Philadelphia), so it's heartening than eighty prosecutors have already issued a statement that "criminalizing and prosecuting individuals who seek or provide abortion care" is not how they plan to allocate scarce resources.  The Texas Democratic Party has called on sheriffs, mayors, DAs and others not to enforce "new laws passed by our extremist Republican-controlled legislature."  Fort Sumter II has not been fired upon, but the artillery is in position.

   

Stop! children, what's that sound?

 I don't want to raise hopes so often dashed, but things are happening out there in the heartland.  The FBI is raiding the homes and offices of officials and former officials who are implicated in the phony-elector phase of the coup plot.  The Nevada Republican chairman Michael McDonald had his phone collected yesterday; they also had a warrant for James DeGraffenreid, the party secretary, but he seems to be hiding.  These clowns not only created fake certificates -- they held a fake ceremony in Carson City on the same day as the real one.  That's a lot of trouble for six measly electoral votes.  They're also looking for Thomas Lane, who ran Trump's campaign in Arizona (eleven votes).

In Georgia (fourteen votes) subpoenas were served on state chairman David Shafer and fake elector Brad Carver.  The big game was the fakes (or "conditional electors") in Michigan (sixteen) and Pennsylvania (twenty), where the bloodhounds are busy.  And Jeffrey Clark, the goober Trump tried to install as last-minute acting attorney general and coup facilitator, was on the lawn in his pajamas this morning as the FBI collected his electronics.  A few hours later the Select Committee presented detailed testimony from the men whose thankless job it was to talk Trump out of gutting the Justice Department after seeing the Italian vote-flipping computer nonsense on YouTube.  (Remember Michele Ballarin, a/k/a Michele Roosevelt Edwards?  "Italygate" was one of her delusions.) 

Anyway, Merrick Garland is watching the hearings and he has Christopher Wray on speed-dial.  The other news is not so good because the Supreme Court is still in session.   In the space of a few hours they struck down the Sullivan Act so New Yorkers can carry concealed weapons just like Texans.  (Named for Tammany boss Big Tim Sullivan, this dates from 1911; no law is safe from the judicial vandals.)  They decided that religious "schools" can receive public funds just like real schools.  They said police who "forget" to Mirandize suspects can't be sued -- it could slip anyone's mind.  (The border patrol got a similar gift a few weeks ago.)  It's after six o'clock, so the Fourteenth Amendment appears to be safe for today.  Enjoy it.

Sadly, the gang couldn't do anything to prevent the impeachment trial of Jason Ravnsborg, now the former attorney general of South Dakota.  Two years ago, driving home from a gathering where intoxicating liquors may have been served, Ravnsborg struck and killed Joe Boever.  Boever was walking on the shoulder and carrying a flashlight (it was still on when his body was found the next day) but Ravnsborg said he thought he hit a deer.  He also failed to notice that the "deer's" glasses were inside his car, which looked like this:

He pleaded guilty to a couple of misdemeanor charges but the case did not go away, and now he is prohibited from holding elective office in South Dakota again.  Yes, WITCH HUNT!  A Republican legislature turned on a Republican official who had become a liability.  Ravnsborg spent the day lamenting his bad luck ("I believe I'm on the road and wham -- my life changes").  He thinks of Boever as often as Trump thinks of Pence.  A speed bump, literally.

I don't think anyone was surprised by the news that six of the usual suspects approached Mark Meadows for presidential pardons after the coup failed:  Brooks, Biggs, Gohmert, Gaetz, Scott Perry and Margie Greene decided it was better to be safe than sorry, along with John Eastman and other innocent victims of "vitriolic, deep-pocketed Socialist Democrats."  What, no Loudermilk?  He's dumber than he looks.

And in case we forgot how the problem is all Republicans, even after a bipartisan deal to extend school lunches through the summer was agreed, Roger Marshall (R-KS) says he may have to block it because LGBTQ students participate in the program just as if they were real people.  Marshall, I would remind you, is a physician and a large economy size shit.

Members of the House Select Committee will be getting extra security in response to the extra death threats they have received since the TV sessions began.  That's something we didn't see with the Ervin committee in 1973. 

It's a rightzi cliche that mass shootings are caused by violent video games, but what about games that result from shootings?  Kyle Rittenhouse is marketing a game where players shoot "fake news turkeys" to finance his lawsuits against all the media which have hurt his feelings.  He won't be enrolling at Arizona State or UT Austin or the East Japip College of Chiropractic so he has plenty of time.  Enjoy his rap, if you enjoy that sort of thing.

It has been a day.  As the Opus Dei court takes a wrecking ball to the wall between state and religion, I think it's time for a robot priest.

May BlessU-2 make his lights to blink and shine upon you.

 

 

It's your party, cry if you want to

 The three men sat before the committee, two of them described as "HON."  Each in turn answered the prosecutor's questions.  Yes, I am a state official.  Yes, I am a Republican.  Yes, I supported Trump and worked to get him re-elected.  And then he lost, and bad things began happening to me.  And yes, he caused them to happen.

Three well-connected white men, men of some power and standing in their communities, experienced the terror of being the targets of lynch mobs.

They still have their jobs, they still have their lives, and they are being saluted as heroes because they did not bow to threats and menacing.  In this time that is considered heroic.  

The two Black women who followed them (one on recording) were not elected officials.  Wandrea Arshaye "Shay" Moss was an election worker and her mother, "Lady Ruby" Freeman was the owner of a clothing business, hired temporarily to work on election night 2020.  When the lynch mobs came after them there were no security personnel to protect them.  Instead, the FBI told them to leave their homes and find somewhere to hide until it all blew over.  It did not blow over on January 6, when the Electoral College votes were tabulated by Congress; it did not blow over on January 20, when Joe Biden was inaugurated.  It may never blow over.  

Shay Moss gave up a job she loved and fears leaving the house.  She blames herself because her mother and even her grandmother were traumatized.  Ruby Freeman no longer identifies herself as "Lady Ruby," the name by which her community knew her.  These three women know in their lives, as they always knew in their bones, what lynching feels like.  They were lied about, harassed, their homes invaded by cowardly mobs who considered them powerless and fair game, because female, Black and far from wealthy or well-connected.

I respect what Rusty Bowers, Brad Raffensperger and Gabriel Sterling did over the course of a few weeks at the end of 2020.  But I'm sorry they're not central to my thoughts tonight.

  

Starry night

 

This is what New Zealanders saw from Rakiura/Stewart Island as they gazed up last night.  A physicist at Auckland University says it's nothing more than ejected rocket propellant.  I say Van Gogh wasn't so mad after all.

The right-wing populist who likes to smack people was defeated for president of Colombia by a former leftist guerrilla who attended the funeral of Hugo Chavez.  Rodolfo Hernandez protested that he confused Adolf Hitler with Albert Einstein, the first person ever to do so, but he still got whomped by Gustavo Petro.  

Keep your eye on Ministry of Truth Social tomorrow afternoon as Brad Raffensperger and Gabriel Sterling testify on live TV before the House Select Committee.  The Georgia secretary of state and his deputy for elections appeared before a Fulton County grand jury earlier this month and may believe they have nothing left to lose (and a safe house to hole up in).  Will be wild.

According to an ABC News/Ipsos poll, only a third of Americans are following the Select Committee's hearings but nearly two-thirds think they are "fair and impartial."  Nudge nudge -- here is Barry Blitt's drawing of Merrick Garland reviewing footage of Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars.

  

Yes, the New Yorker.

We still don't know why Robert F. Smith decided to kill three people at St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in Vestavia, Alabama, but he is a federally licensed gun dealer.  Another "Boomers Potluck" guest hit him with a folding chair and wrestled the gun away.  

June is the Month of the Long Knives for the Texas Republican party.  Dan Crenshaw was called "eyepatch McCain" and "globalist RINO" for taking part in the World Economic Forum.  Another patriot called Ted Cruz "a coward and a liar" who cares more "about the border between Ukraine and Russia" than the one between Texas and Mexico.  He's a globalist, too.  John Cornyn was booed despite only pretending to negotiate a gun control bill, just for talking to them gun-grabbin' Democrats.  The convention voted to kick out the Fort Worth Log Cabin Republicans so there would be no debate when they declared homosexuality "abnormal" along with gender issues and body dysmorphia.  That was the warmup act.  Then came golden oldies condemning the Federal Reserve, income tax, the Equal Rights Amendment, the 1965 Voting Rights Act (what's left of it) and just for the hell of it, should Texas secede?  Yes.  Yes, it should.  Tomorrow.

Joe Biden fell while dismounting his bicycle yesterday, so Trump assured his worried faithful in Nashville, "I make this pledge to you today:  I will never ever ride a bicycle."  This is a pledge I believe he will keep.

Then he posted a doctored video purporting to show him knocking Biden off the bike with a golf ball.  I can't help it, I miss that impish sense of humor.  Let's see if the Secret Service misses it, too.

In a time when most people use social media and email, one person decided to go old school, mailing a   death threat to Adam Kinzinger, his wife and their five-month-old son at their home address.  Yes, even the baby was to be "executed."  You have to love the grandiloquent syntax, in this case implying legally constituted authority.  The letter, addressed to Mrs. Kinzinger, is also deeply religious:  "You and Christian will be joining Adam in hell too!  We [sic] find it blasphemous that you name the son of the devil Christian!"  Interviewed yesterday on ABC News, Kinzinger said, "There's violence in the future...Wake up, America.  Wake up, Republicans, because this is not going to be good for you if you think it is."

Russian journalist Dmitry Muratov auctioned his Nobel Prize medal for $550,000 with the proceeds going to UNICEF to aid Ukrainian children.  I hope he is still here when the war ends.  Maybe people would hate Elon Musk less if he were to match it, at least.

Today is the first federally acknowledged Juneteenth.  Ironically, it began in Texas.

  

Get me out of this week

 Today's church shooting in Vestavia Hills, Alabama, was carried out by a 71-year-old man, which means the current laughable gun bill would not have deterred him.  He killed Walter Rainey, 84, Sarah Yeager, 75, and an 84-year-old woman whose name has been withheld, presumably because they failed to invite him to their potluck dinner.  Thoughts, Governor Ivey, or would you prefer prayers?

The Senate passed the Heath Robinson Act 84-14, providing relief to veterans who were exposed to burn-pits, resulting in rare cancers and respiratory diseases.  It's long been an issue dear to the President, whose son Beau died of brain cancer after service in Iraq.  We should remember the names of the Republicans who don't care about 3.5 million veterans.

For those who care, Greg Gianforte and his wife are living la dolce vita in Tuscany, about five thousand miles from this:

To be honest, there isn't a lot governors contribute to disaster relief, but most of them manage to look as if they're paying attention and give an actual fuck.  One-party states get what they vote for.

As the company's CEO continues his Mental Disease or Defect Tour, MyPillows will be disappearing from the shelves at Walmart, Kohls, Costco, Bed Bath & Beyond, QVC and J.C. Penney, and not because people are buying them.  Just the opposite.  Despite Lindell's wails about being "cancelled," retailers don't care about your politics; they care about carrying products that aren't being boycotted, resulting in wasted shelf space.  Take comfort, Mike:  Nordstrom, Neiman-Marcus and others cancelled Ivanka's line back in 2017, and she and Slumlord-in-Law still left government service with enough money to buy an island.

Sandra Garza, the longtime partner of Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick, told CNN she received a letter of condolence from William, Duke of Cambridge, which spoke of his "patriotism and selflessness."  Nothing from Trump, of course.  Sicknick died the next day after suffering a stroke.  "Trump does not give two craps about law enforcement," she said.

Bishop Robert J. McManus has decreed that Nativity School in Worcester, Massachusetts, can no longer call itself Catholic.  That's because it refuses to take down its Black Lives Matter and LGBTQ Pride flags.  He says they send "a mixed, confusing and scandalous message" by implying the Church's support for racial equality and acceptance of all people.  And so they take another step back from "love your neighbor as yourself."  Who said that?  I forget.

Peter Navarro pleaded not guilty to contempt of Congress and asked that his trial be delayed until next April so as not to interfere with his book tour.  Without laughing openly, Judge Amit Mehta calendared it for November 17.

A Black 13-year-old was unarmed and had his hands raised when he was shot and probably paralyzed by Chicago police.  Wonderful things, security cameras.

Parents whose children died in Robb Elementary School still can't see the official records of that day because they are being blocked by indicted attorney general Ken Paxton, presumably to conceal police incompetence.  To make it worse, Paxton said on right-wing radio that he would tell the parents, "I believe god always has a plan.  Life is short no matter what it is."  Ken, have you met Bishop McManus?

Charles Sutherland painted "groomer" across two libraries in Maryland and has now been charged with a hate crime.  It's a stretch, but I approve.  Meanwhile in Arkansas, Melissa Bosch was caught on a recording declaring that librarians who displease her "would all be plowed down with a freaking gun by now."  Bosch heads something called Moms for Liberty, so you know she's serious.  Probably armed, too.

Lauren Boebert told some of her fellow believers that Jesus's problem was "he didn't have enough weapons to keep his government from killing him."  Know what, Lauren?  Neither do you.  That's a nice Glock pistol.  Have you met the First Armored Division?

And finally, my favorite tourists.

Not guilty

 It's hard to start a career at 67.  It's even harder when you are principally known as The Guy That Shot Ronald Reagan.  John Hinckley, Jr., was booked into the Market Hotel in Brooklyn, New York, for his professional debut on July 8 ("a memorable night" was promised) but has now been cancelled.  In a press release the hotel described it as "a message that mental health issues and a criminal past" can be overcome.  "There was a time when a place could host a thing like this...and the reaction would be, 'It's just a guy playing a show, who does it hurt -- it's a free country.'  We aren't living in that kind of free country anymore, for better or for worse."  Yes, it's all our fault.  We're too politically correct, or too woke, or too unforgiving to let bygones be bygones.  That's why Charlie Manson, another singer-songwriter, died in prison, man.

I didn't even like Reagan but I refuse to be blamed when someone capitalizing on his only claim to notoriety gets his gig cancelled.  Neither do I accept "some responsibility" for the January 6 coup attempt as Kevin McCarthy says I should.  "Based upon what has been going on...the riots on the streets, the others."  He said this today, so I assume he means the huge gun-control rallies over the weekend which his party is strenuously ignoring.  Or possibly the arrest of the thugs targeting LGBTQ events.  Who or what are "the others"?  The eighty-one million of us who angered Trump by voting for Biden?  I guess we had it coming, but why did Mike Pence need to be hanged?  Why did Mitt Romney need his life saved by Officer Eugene Goodman?  Why was McCarthy calling ABC "from a secure location" when he indicted the whole country?  

Despite the many poor life choices he has made and continues to make, Rudolph Giuliani chose to blame Diet Pepsi for the catastrophic advice he gave his principal client on election night ("Just say you won"), accusing "Jason Miller and Bill Steppien [sic]" of lying about his inebriation.  But that tweet has disappeared like a fart in a hearing room.  Perhaps Pepsi's lawyers protested, as Sanofi did when Roseanne Barr blamed Ambien for her racism.

The fact that America's future may be foretold in Tangipahoa Parish, Louisiana, is sobering and enraging, but here we are.  Sixteen years ago Crysta Abelseth was raped by John Barnes, a much older man, and gave birth to a daughter.  Barnes is what they call "well-connected," so he was never convicted.  In 2011 he found out about his daughter and sued for custody; the court granted Barnes (whose company does business with the Ponchatoula Police) full custody and ordered Abelseth to pay him child support.  Criminal charges against Barnes are "under seal" and the police say they're investigating, no doubt very hard.  At least Barnes isn't suing Abelseth for defamation.

A 77-year-old businessman and sociopath wants to be president.  Relax, it's Colombia.  Did I mention he admires Hitler?  Don't they all?  Rodolfo Hernandez -- oh, just read it.

As the state struggles with unprecedented floods, the Montana Free Press says it has tracked down Governor Greg Gianforte:  he is out of the country on a "long-scheduled personal trip" with his wife.  If he's in Cancun I may lose it.

Speaking of that fine resort city, frequent visitor Ted Cruz blamed Chuck Schumer for "unleashing the radicals" who nearly killed poor Brett Kavanaugh and other defenders of a fetus's right to choose.  He threw down to his pal Sean Hannity's Insanity Hootenanny and accused Democrats of planning an "insurrection" against the Supreme Court.  Interesting choice of words, Distract-Ted.

Herschel Walker likes to rant about absent fathers, so it's a good thing he is running for the Senate.  So far this week three previously unknown Walker children have come to light and now he can be part of their lives, if not necessarily the lives of their three mothers.  He likes to talk about his son Christian, who is 22 and no longer requires court-ordered support.  Stay tuned.

It's breathtaking, but it doesn't look like a strawberry.  I assume that's a name that derives from seasonal fruit, like Blackberry Winter.  

      

Am I awake?

 Not only has Oceania always been at war with Eastasia, but Hong Kong was never a British colony.  So say new textbooks authorized by the Chinese government.  Also, a course designed to teach critical thinking has been replaced by one in "citizenship and social development."  The same thing would be happening in places like Texas and Florida if they had ever encouraged critical thinking in the first place.  There is no need for it in The Land of the Free.  

Joe Biden called on refiners to produce more diesel and gas.  That's adorable -- he thinks there is some relationship of supply to price.  He also thinks Republicans are reasonable, sometimes.  Poor old man.

Georgia's own Barry Loudermilk led a group of patriotic tourists on a special tour of the Capitol on January 5, 2021.  In honor of their extra patriotism he showed them "areas of the complex not typically of interest to tourists, including hallways, staircases and security checkpoints."  But he forgot to disable the security cameras, so the House Select Committee has video.  They even got to see the tunnel that connects the Capitol to the Rayburn House Office Building, where they made their own videos.  It was so exciting, they came back the next day.  There's audio, too, of the tourists mentioning several members of Congress by name; one of their gaudiest threats involves pulling out all the hair of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.  You never forget your first visit to the Capitol. 

(Loudermilk is already whining about a "smear campaign.") 

If it's any comfort, we are not alone.  A TV actor called Ryan Grantham shot his mother in Squamish, British Columbia, and planned to drive all the way to Ottawa to kill Justin Trudeau.  Along the way he considered shooting up Simon Fraser University but turned himself in to police instead.  Canadians, huh?  No follow-through.

People in Odessa, Texas, endured a day of triple-digit temperatures without water after a water-main break.  Ted Cruz reflexively booked a flight to Greenland.

American hero Ron Filipkowski (he follows them so we don't have to) reports on today's brain-breaker from Lauren Boebert:  "Washington politicians are addicted to spending.  And this addiction, like the American Rescue Plan is causing, is similar to Parmesan cheese and Hunter Biden."  'Cause if you put them in your shoes, they break!  An organization called Fire Boebert is claiming she used to be a paid escort (with Ted Cruz as a client -- urp, sorry, tasting vomit) and also had two abortions.  Yeah, and?

Some people in Switzerland decided to walk on hot coals and thirteen were hospitalized.  There is no information about why the event on the Au peninsula (OW! peninsula is more like it, am I right?) occurred.  This is one I will follow.

Monkeypox will henceforth be called hMPXV by the very sober scientists at the World Health Organization.  Hard to remember, harder to say, but it won't carry the stigma of being an "African disease."  Political correctness gone mad, as they say in the UK.

It begins.  Republican-run Otero County, New Mexico, is refusing to certify the results of last week's primary over "concerns" about Dominion voting machines, now on their enemies list along with CRT, BLM and reality in general.  The secretary of state is suing.

Remember Miss Flite in Bleak House?  She had a case in Chancery and was always in attendance with her documents but could not attract anyone's attention.  Pillow Mike Lindell is our very own Miss Flite, turning up regularly on Steve Bannon's No Shower Hour or One and Only America News or some other Trumpist venue, complaining that the House committee and the Justice Department and even the Supreme Court refuse to examine the great piles of election fraud evidence he has amassed.  With one podcast camera focused on him and a microphone waiting to convey his Truth to the whole planet, he never gets around to revealing it.  He could hold it up, he could read it, he could sing it, convey it in mime or interpretive dance, he's had enough time to get it engraved on granite.  Some people are starting to think the complaint about being "blocked" is all he has.  It may be time to set the birds free, Mike.  And yes, that is a euphemism.

Who's the "spiritual and intellectual leader" of House Republicans?  Louie Gohmert?  Thomas Massie?  Mo Brooks?  Elise Stefanik?  You'll never guess so I may as well tell you.  It's Jim Jordan, according to his sedition bro Matt Gaetz.  Also the hardest working, which is why he always has to take off his jacket.  Jordan, soon to star in his very own George Clooney-produced documentary about that little sex abuse scandal that propelled him from Ohio State to Congress and glory.  

Sorry, I still think this is Mr. Republican.  He owns a fucking gun store.

Clyde in action, January 6, 2021.

A hundred million Americans are being told "Remain Indoors" as a heat wave blankets the country, but Empty Greene says global warming is a good thing.  Especially if you're a plant, like her.

A team of investigators announced that they have pinpointed the origin of the Black Death that killed millions in the 14th century and it's the shores of Lake Issyk-Kul in what is now Kyrgyzstan.  I feel relieved and yet...let down.

Grift of the day:  Junior Trump emailed millions of suckers, marks and mugs, inviting them to "sign" a birthday card for Daddy who "has done so much for this great Country," for the astonishingly low price of a one-dollar pledge (minimum).  If this works, expect Trump to start celebrating two birthdays a year, like the queen of England.

Lord Geidt sounds like a sinister minor Star Wars character but was actually Boris Johnson's "ethics adviser."  He quit today, only days after Boris survived yet another no-confidence vote (like impeachment but faster).  With the "partygate" fines piling up, it's not a job you want on your CV, a bit like being Sidney Powell's personal stylist.  In totally unrelated news, First Minister Nicola Sturgeon announced that Scotland will hold another referendum on independence next year.  London says she needs the approval of the real Parliament in Westminster but I don't see why.  We didn't ask their permission in 1776.

Elon Musk says he'd like to vote for Ron DeSantis for president.  DeSantis responded, "With Elon Musk what I would say is, I welcome support from African Americans."  Say goodnight, Ron.

 

Following up

 Before it fades into the background noise of American gunfire, we have a report on the Columbia Machine shootings in Smithsburg, Maryland.  Joe Louis Esquivel killed three of his co-workers because they were "pedophiles."  Now that the Republicans have made this a generic term of abuse, no further evidence is required, or was offered.

Following the arrest of 31 "Patriot Front" terrorists in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, the police and the Kootenai County Sheriff's Office received 149 phone calls.  Half expressed support for law enforcement while the other conveyed anonymous threats against officers and their families.  During a press conference someone impersonating a reporter yelled that the thirty-one miscreants were actually FBI agents because...false flag...you know...

Bill Barr's (recorded) testimony to the Unselect Uncommittee (as Trump is undoubtedly uncalling it by now) found him laughing openly at his former patron and also at the film where unfelon Dinesh D'Souza presents his stuffed-ballot-boxes bombshell to the forever gullible.  I forget the title, something about sterile jackasses.  This insult triggered all the rightzis, with Steve Bannon giving the most passionate performance:  "We're going to deconstruct this and we're going to rub your nose in it and then we're going to come after you legally," he mewled.  (Jacques Derrida says that's not what "deconstruct" means.)  Then D'Souza and Bannon both declared Barr "fat," which is the most truthful thing they have ever said, and probably made him cry.

Are police unions too powerful?  Not according to Assistant Chief Derek Kammerzell of Kent, Washington.  For years he has been the subject of complaints for displaying Nazi insignia on his office door, joking about the Holocaust and posing for pictures in lederhosen and a Hitler mustache.  Now his career is over after 27 years, and all he has to show for it is a settlement of $1.52 million from the city.  And maybe a second career as a Patriot Front recruiter and guest of Tucker Carlson.

It's Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania, not Huntington.  Mehmet Oz knows that now so people need to stop mocking him, especially sportscasters who describe the tennis from "Wimbleton."  It's his new address in Pennsylvania, where he wants to become a senator.  As long as he doesn't try to pronounce "Schuylkill" he should be fine.

Several years late Monica Crowley, former Mnuchin deputy, has noticed that the government is controlled from Moscow.  But she thinks the Biden administration is the culmination of a decades-long plot by the KGB.  The Chinese are also involved, somehow, too.  If more details are needed, she has a podcast.  Of course she has.

Lauren Boebert had no comment about the Monday hearing as she was at a religious revival in Colorado Springs praying for Joe Biden's death.  After misquoting Psalm 109 she yelled, "Hallelujah!  Glory to god!"  In 1 Corinthians 14 Paul says, "Women should remain silent in the churches."  This is why. 

Fox Sports decided its viewers couldn't handle the sight of Jeopardy! champion Amy Schneider throwing the ceremonial first pitch at the Giants' Pride Day game against the Dodgers.  They replaced it with an older clip of NASCAR driver Kurt Busch, who is not transgendered.  Children could have been watching! 

 

  

Well, there's your problem!

 How's this for a start to the week?

"Ever felt the Earth move under your feet?  It's a wonder more of us don't:  scientists have suspected for a while that Earth's inner core rotates at a faster speed than the rest of the planet.  Now, a new study published in the journal Science Advances suggests that not only does the inner core spin faster, it changes direction every six years."

Read it.  Have your suspicions confirmed.  There's not a damn thing you can do about it.

I thought there was something odd going on when I noticed Fox News carrying the second public hearing of the House Select Committee.  Presumably the order came down from the Aussie Pornographer, who can still grasp overnight ratings data.  The Fox management must have felt the ground shifting beneath their feet, or jobs in white nationalist media are becoming scarce.  Robert Herring, the proprietor of One America News, spread a rumor last week that Elon Musk wanted to buy his operation, and Musk shut it down faster than a self-driven Tesla.  (He still wants Twitter but the cryptocurrency meltdown got in his way.)

I remember fire drills.  I even remember "duck and cover."  But I left school long before Columbine, so I have no experience of active-shooter exercises.  Sam Bailey has opened my eyes in today's Ohio Capital Journal.  "As a kid, I never thought much about why someone would want us murdered.  It was just a fact of life.  I existed so someone wanted me to stop existing.  The pillars of the American school system became:  reading, writing, arithmetic and surviving a bullet to the head."  May as well start early to prepare for supermarkets, workplaces and outdoor concerts in the land of the wary and scary.

Andrew Lloyd Webber's expensive flop Cinderella has closed in London, and the show's director Laurence Connor read a letter from his lordship to the closing night audience which basically blamed it on the covid pandemic and the government's failure to help financially.  I love it when rich soreheads blame a virus instead of their own mediocrity.  Of course ALW has made mediocrity work for him for a very long time.  Nobody expects the gravy train to derail.

Another hugely successful mediocrity, James Patterson, is worried that "it is hard for white men to get writing gigs in film, theater, TV or publishing."  Patterson whined to The Times of London that racism is to blame.  "It's even harder for older writers.  You don't meet many 52-year-old white males."  Not since they were culled by Alice Walker and Colson Whitehead.  Oh, the humanity.

An upvote to Coeur d'Alene police chief Lee White and his force, who stopped 31 members of the "Patriot Front" when they arrived masked and in a U-Haul to break up Pride in the Park yesterday.  This bunch wear blue shirts, for those keeping track of domestic terrorist gang colors.  Only two were from Idaho; the others commuted from as far away as Virginia.

Every day I learn something about American history, usually something dismaying.  In 1870 Lt. Gustavus Doane led a massacre of 173 Piegan Blackfeet, many of them suffering from smallpox, in Montana.  A 10,550 foot peak in Yellowstone in Wyoming was named in his honor.  Now Mount Doane will become First Peoples Mountain after a unanimous vote by the U.S. Board on Geographic Names, none of them presumably appointed by Trump.

Mary Trump "has taught courses in developmental psychology, trauma and psychopathology," it says in her Wikipedia entry, so when she says the Donnie-Ivanka relationship is "completely transactional" I guess she knows her onions.  "Once one or both of them come to the conclusion that there's nothing in it for them, then they will move on," she told MSNBC of Ivanka's testimony that she "accepted" Bill Barr's denial of the stolen election lie.  Princess doesn't need a weatherman or a former attorney general to tell which way the wind blows.  Or as Tolstoy said, "Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way -- and then there are those fucking Trumps."  

Mo Brooks clung to the Big Lie for two years before "going Woke" at "our massive, Cullman, Alabama, Rally" by suggesting it might be time to move on.  Not accept all reality, of course, just the fact of the ongoing Biden presidency.  Mo Brooks is no Ivanka, and was cast into the outer darkness.  Trump transferred his blessing/endorsement to Katie Britt, who enjoys the support of the detested Mitch McConnell.  Wait, it gets better.  Brooks finished second in the Alabama senate primary and again approached Trump, on his knees like a pilgrim at Guadalupe, to beg for the re-endorsement.  And was rebuffed in another tweet -- sorry, Truth Socialite -- replete with weirdly capitalized words.  Wouldn't it be funny if that seat went to a Democrat, maybe Doug Jones for a full term?

Liz Cheney seemed calm and controlled this morning when introducing testimony about how Trump told his followers not to vote by mail and therefore knew mail ballots would take longer to tally and necessarily favor Biden.  I guess I missed something because Drunk Rudy pronounced her "completely hysterical...gone off her deep end."  Women in politics have been called hysterical roughly since the reign of Elizabeth I (hystera = womb), so Cheney won't be too bothered.  Also too shrill, too well prepared, too short and "with blood coming out of her...wherever."  It was, of course, Drunk Rudy who told Trump on election night to "just say you won," the only piece of advice he heard.  He's been saying it ever since.  That's why there's a Select Committee.

If you want to know about hysteria, the Washington Post profiles Margie Greene's constituent Angela Rubino as "a case study of what [Trump's] movement is becoming."  She's "a citizen of a parallel America...awash in domestic enemies, stolen elections, immigrant invaders, sexual predators...and other fresh nightmares revealed by the minute on her social media scrolls."  The new so-called gun control bill includes a provision for opening the mental health records of under-21s who want to buy a gun, but I don't see how that will protect society from "Burnitdown," as Rubino is known online.  Among other things that will rob you of sleep, she's sure Brian Kemp is one of them because he supports an electric-car factory that will bring jobs to the state.  When you're to the right of Kemp, it's time to call the vet and have yourself euthanized.  Hey, Angela, did you know birds aren't real?  

As if poor Donnie doesn't have enough grief, the "World's First DeSantis Flotilla" happened on the St. Johns River Saturday, and everyone knows you can't be elected president without a boat parade or several.  That's how they know Biden stole the election -- no boats, just votes.  Hey!  I think we've got a slogan.

   

 

Wonderful world

The House Select Committee scored a major victory on Thursday night:  The Guilty Old Party is no longer describing the coup attempt as a visit by patriotic tourists that got out of hand because the gift shop was closed.  Faced with overwhelming evidence of the violence and the shattering testimony of Capitol Police Officer Caroline Edwards, they are now screaming that it's all Nancy Pelosi's fault because she failed to activate the National Guard and also sent them away and probably tried to set fire to the building as British troops did to the White House in 1814.  The Speaker is not the boss of the DC Guard or even the Police, who report to the Architect of the Capitol and the two Sergeants at Arms, but none of them is Crazy Nancy and stop confusing the situation with facts.  A minority still yell "FALSE FLAG FBI ANTIFA BLM GROOMERS" but their voices are faltering.  Maybe they're haunted by the words of Liz Cheney:  "There will come a day when Donald Trump is gone.  But your dishonor will remain."  It was brilliant of Bennie Thompson to open with a history lesson (about defending the Constitution against "enemies foreign and domestic") and then unleash Dick Cheney's little girl.  For the record it was Mike Pence who called the Secretary of Defense, the attorney general and the Department of Homeland Security to report that people were trying to kill him.  He got roughly the same response as a terrified student at Robb Elementary School calling 911.

The next televised hearing will be on Monday morning, not ideal for a maximal audience but we'll take it.  We'll have to see if Fox pulls the commercials from its morning show Two Foul Balls and a Miss, as it did on Thursday for fear viewers would sneak over to the coverage while Glenn Beck was hustling gold bars or Armageddon lentils.

There's plenty to keep us amused until then.  No, not amused.  What's the word?  Appalled?

Twenty million people watched the Thursday hearing, but Andy Biggs (R-AZ) dismissed them by explaining what really has Americans talking:  fewer frozen tortillas for your buck.  Yes, the sizes are shrinking and this is an outrage up with which he will not put.  Say, is that Empty Greene sitting next to him?  I can't tell because she seems to be gobbling a shriveled Biden-size tortilla.  What's up, Marge?

Marge is angry when her rights are "fragrantly violated."  Oh, stop.  Gazpacho police, Marshall law, peachtree dishes -- I'll bet she's really an intelligent woman doing a bad impersonation of Gracie Allen, another smart woman who played a nitwit.  

There are so many numpties in this Congress, Marge has decided "malaprop" is her way to stand out from the crowd.  That and a Bible.  Say goodnight, Marge.

The Trump legacy suffered another blow when the Biden administration cancelled the red, white and blue makeover he ordered for Air Force One.  A study by the Air Force found that it would cost too much and that the blue paint might cause the plane to overheat.  People will just have to go on identifying it by the words UNITED STATES OF AMERICA on the fuselage.  Why does Biden hate America?

Giant cockroaches continue to land in Arizona and assume human form.  First it was that unfortunate dentist and now...well, tell me what you think.

That's Blake Masters, Trump's choice to replace Mark Kelly in the Senate.  He's a January 6 "false-flagger" who brags about how he slugged a 73-year-old man who invaded one of his rallies in a provocative BLM shirt, i.e., was asking for it.  

Speaking of insects, scientists in Australia say they have developed a worm, Zophobas morio, which will solve the problem of plastic which infests even the Arctic.  Apparently it loves to eat polystyrene.  I hope they also have something that will eat Zophobas, because otherwise -- well, remember when rabbits were introduced into Australia?

Fifteen minutes could cost you a packet.  A woman in Missouri had sex in a car and contracted the human papillomavirus as a result.  How she proved this I don't know, but an appellate court has ruled that her partner's insurance company, GEICO, must pay her $5.2 million for her "injuries and losses."  I hate that stupid lizard but this is fucked up.  And as the defendant's lawyers will doubtless argue, you should get the vaccine before you climb into a Hyundai Genesis.

Do I need to add that the first episode of the Bennie & Liz Show caused Trump to explode like a paper bag of orange pulp thrown from the top of the Chrysler Building?  He even attacked Ivanka, who basically said she no longer worked as a Senior Daddy Advisor by January 6.  But she said it to the "Unselects," as he brilliantly calls the committee.  How sharper than a serpent's tooth, right, Donzo?  So many people wanted to talk about it on his personal platform Truth Social that they were blocked if they even mentioned the coup, which is no way to build a customer base.  Clearly he watched every minute, snarling and spitting, because it's about him, right?  And they didn't call a single "expert" on the "Rigged & Stolen" election -- not Mike Lindell, not Sidney Powell, not that drunk woman Giuliani took to the hearing in Michigan, not even Lin Wood, who's fighting the Georgia bar over the mental health exam they want him to take.  So hard to tell a committed Trumper from a paranoid schizophrenic.

Incredibly, the atrocity in Uvalde continues to spread through that community.  Illiana Trevino was rushed to the hospital after attending the funeral of her friend Amerie Jo Garza.  She is eleven years old and went into cardiac arrest.  Think of her as thousands of people demand an end to the killing at more than four hundred rallies today.

  

 

Judy

Judy Garland was born a hundred years ago in Grand Rapids, Minnesota.

Her life was neither happy nor merry and it ended when she was 47, but she still gives joy.  It is said that her death helped inspire the Stonewall uprising later that week.  I think that would have pleased her.

Counting the hours

The House Select Committee on the death of democracy will gavel its long-awaited public hearing in a little less than five hours, and if it has nothing more stunning than the Proud Goys/Oaf Keepers nexus to unveil it might as well not bother.  This is being promoted like a late-spring Super Bowl and there isn't much video of rampaging Trumpanzees we haven't seen.  The absence of major indictments is puzzling, too.  If the highlight is Princess and Slumlord-in-Law lying, well, we've seen that before.  

The guilty Party has been banging the distraction drum as only they can.  A California man with a knife, a gun and a head full of suicidal thoughts was arrested near Brett Kavanaugh's house, causing Mitch McConnell to demand that Democrats hurry up and pass a bill to prevent anyone getting near a justice's home.  You didn't think he was going to suggest gun control, did you?  I thought I was cynical but Moscow Mitch wins this round.  

New York politics got distinctly goofier when Mayor Eric Adams revealed that he wears "energy stone bracelets" and gets his power from the city's bedrock and its deposits of gems and minerals.  Well, the last guy ate pizza with a fork.  Upstate the reliably creepy Carl Paladino is running for Congress and denied that he's a fan of Adolf Hitler.  Some people got this impression from a 2021 radio interview where Paladino praised the Fuhrer's oratorical skills ("the kind of leader we need today").  Now he calls it "a new low for the media," who try to make you look bad by quoting you verbatim.  As Ari Melber said to Peter Navarro, "You do realize these [January 6] investigators can hear you when you talk on TV?"  Paladino has also compared same-sex marriage to "the Holocaust" and suggested that Michelle Obama "return to being a male" and live with a gorilla in Zimbabwe.  I'd say he's more Julius Streicher than Hitler.  In other news, somebody posted a peroration on Paladino's Facebook page "just asking" if the massacres in Buffalo and Uvalde were "staged," but it wasn't him, nope, no way.  He probably regrets giving his password to his evil twin Karl, who lives in the attic.

I hope there is an archive of Dumb Republican Reasons Why Mass Shootings Happen, because I have a couple of new ones.  A Texas Congressman called Pat Fallon pinpoints "the breakdown of the family, the erosion of faith" caused by Smartphones, the only new technology of the last fifty years.  (What about Blu-Ray?  Streaming?  Those washers that play a snatch of Schubert when your clothes are done?)  Herschel Walker's response to Uvalde was, "Cain killed Abel."  Then he clarified:  "What about getting a department that can look at young men that's looking at women that looking at social media?"  Well, what about it?  I'd like to think Walker is too stupid even for Georgia voters but Margie Greene, Andrew Clyde and Earl "Cruddy" Carter say otherwise.

Another one!  Steve "Shoot Me Again, I Like It!" Scalise sees no need for gun legislation because "there wasn't a conversation about banning airplanes" after 9/11.  A small child pointed out that planes are not primarily intended for killing people, but Scalise just looked confused and hurried away.

We hear constantly about the price of gas, which goes up every hour like a Zimbabwean menu in the Mugabe years.  Infant formula remains scarce.  So why am I only now learning about the tampon shortage?  "It makes male news anchors squeamish" is not a useful answer.  Procter & Gamble, maker of Tampax, blames a commercial from two years ago featuring popular actor Amy Schumer (niece of Chuck, for conspiracy fans).  I didn't hear them complaining when the product was selling like crazy but now it's her fault she made it popular?  It's the usual problem, supply issues, but sure, blame the woman.  P & G had to scrap its lovely logo some years back because the precursors of Q spread rumors that it promoted satanism.  Well, consider them reignited.

Time to mark your cards for Distraction Bingo.  Which "what insurrection?" squirrels will Elise Stefanik deploy in her response to the show?

1.  Democrat Party nearly assassinated Kavanaugh although no shots were actually fired.

2.  Ashli Babbitt was a hero trying to stop the invasion when she was murdered dead.

3.  DUI charges against Paul Pelosi dropped!  (Lie.)

4.  CARAVANS!!

5.  Matthew McConaughey is a showboating hypocrite because he made movies where he fires guns.

6.  Did Anthony Fauci create monkey pox in a Chinese lab?  I'm just asking questions.

7.  Multiple shootings in Smithsburg, Maryland.  (Probably not.)

8.  Kyle Rittenhouse second-most persecuted, harassed person in universe.

Bring your own snacks.  The Uncle Vanya burgers taste like torture, murder and rape.

Served with a free Cherry Orchard Kola.