Wonderful world

The House Select Committee scored a major victory on Thursday night:  The Guilty Old Party is no longer describing the coup attempt as a visit by patriotic tourists that got out of hand because the gift shop was closed.  Faced with overwhelming evidence of the violence and the shattering testimony of Capitol Police Officer Caroline Edwards, they are now screaming that it's all Nancy Pelosi's fault because she failed to activate the National Guard and also sent them away and probably tried to set fire to the building as British troops did to the White House in 1814.  The Speaker is not the boss of the DC Guard or even the Police, who report to the Architect of the Capitol and the two Sergeants at Arms, but none of them is Crazy Nancy and stop confusing the situation with facts.  A minority still yell "FALSE FLAG FBI ANTIFA BLM GROOMERS" but their voices are faltering.  Maybe they're haunted by the words of Liz Cheney:  "There will come a day when Donald Trump is gone.  But your dishonor will remain."  It was brilliant of Bennie Thompson to open with a history lesson (about defending the Constitution against "enemies foreign and domestic") and then unleash Dick Cheney's little girl.  For the record it was Mike Pence who called the Secretary of Defense, the attorney general and the Department of Homeland Security to report that people were trying to kill him.  He got roughly the same response as a terrified student at Robb Elementary School calling 911.

The next televised hearing will be on Monday morning, not ideal for a maximal audience but we'll take it.  We'll have to see if Fox pulls the commercials from its morning show Two Foul Balls and a Miss, as it did on Thursday for fear viewers would sneak over to the coverage while Glenn Beck was hustling gold bars or Armageddon lentils.

There's plenty to keep us amused until then.  No, not amused.  What's the word?  Appalled?

Twenty million people watched the Thursday hearing, but Andy Biggs (R-AZ) dismissed them by explaining what really has Americans talking:  fewer frozen tortillas for your buck.  Yes, the sizes are shrinking and this is an outrage up with which he will not put.  Say, is that Empty Greene sitting next to him?  I can't tell because she seems to be gobbling a shriveled Biden-size tortilla.  What's up, Marge?

Marge is angry when her rights are "fragrantly violated."  Oh, stop.  Gazpacho police, Marshall law, peachtree dishes -- I'll bet she's really an intelligent woman doing a bad impersonation of Gracie Allen, another smart woman who played a nitwit.  

There are so many numpties in this Congress, Marge has decided "malaprop" is her way to stand out from the crowd.  That and a Bible.  Say goodnight, Marge.

The Trump legacy suffered another blow when the Biden administration cancelled the red, white and blue makeover he ordered for Air Force One.  A study by the Air Force found that it would cost too much and that the blue paint might cause the plane to overheat.  People will just have to go on identifying it by the words UNITED STATES OF AMERICA on the fuselage.  Why does Biden hate America?

Giant cockroaches continue to land in Arizona and assume human form.  First it was that unfortunate dentist and now...well, tell me what you think.

That's Blake Masters, Trump's choice to replace Mark Kelly in the Senate.  He's a January 6 "false-flagger" who brags about how he slugged a 73-year-old man who invaded one of his rallies in a provocative BLM shirt, i.e., was asking for it.  

Speaking of insects, scientists in Australia say they have developed a worm, Zophobas morio, which will solve the problem of plastic which infests even the Arctic.  Apparently it loves to eat polystyrene.  I hope they also have something that will eat Zophobas, because otherwise -- well, remember when rabbits were introduced into Australia?

Fifteen minutes could cost you a packet.  A woman in Missouri had sex in a car and contracted the human papillomavirus as a result.  How she proved this I don't know, but an appellate court has ruled that her partner's insurance company, GEICO, must pay her $5.2 million for her "injuries and losses."  I hate that stupid lizard but this is fucked up.  And as the defendant's lawyers will doubtless argue, you should get the vaccine before you climb into a Hyundai Genesis.

Do I need to add that the first episode of the Bennie & Liz Show caused Trump to explode like a paper bag of orange pulp thrown from the top of the Chrysler Building?  He even attacked Ivanka, who basically said she no longer worked as a Senior Daddy Advisor by January 6.  But she said it to the "Unselects," as he brilliantly calls the committee.  How sharper than a serpent's tooth, right, Donzo?  So many people wanted to talk about it on his personal platform Truth Social that they were blocked if they even mentioned the coup, which is no way to build a customer base.  Clearly he watched every minute, snarling and spitting, because it's about him, right?  And they didn't call a single "expert" on the "Rigged & Stolen" election -- not Mike Lindell, not Sidney Powell, not that drunk woman Giuliani took to the hearing in Michigan, not even Lin Wood, who's fighting the Georgia bar over the mental health exam they want him to take.  So hard to tell a committed Trumper from a paranoid schizophrenic.

Incredibly, the atrocity in Uvalde continues to spread through that community.  Illiana Trevino was rushed to the hospital after attending the funeral of her friend Amerie Jo Garza.  She is eleven years old and went into cardiac arrest.  Think of her as thousands of people demand an end to the killing at more than four hundred rallies today.