Saturday, April 06, 2019

Friday news dump

Joe Biden says he want to be "the last person to announce" his candidacy for president.  First night of the convention sounds about right to me.

Trump doesn't seem to believe he will get a second term.  He is trying to find someone to write his autobiography (suggested title:  Memoirs of a Mangy Liar).  Also someone to read it to him.  The Trump National Library and Country Club will be the most amazing, beautiful library you ever saw, a fitting depository for all the official papers his staff recover from the waste basket and tape back together every day.

William Barr says his dog ate the Mueller report.

Bernie Sanders is too busy campaigning and being a Senator to go through all those boxes in the garage where he probably put his tax returns, but maybe next week.

A new poll shows that 70% of voters would have no problem with a gay president.  However, 85% have no clue how to pronounce "Buttigieg."  Nor can various search engines agree on the spelling.

He's back!  Herman Cain has been appointed to the Federal Reserve because Trump is already mad at Jerome Powell, the chairman he hired three months ago.  (He replaced that woman who wasn't tall enough.)  At least Cain will not be ambassador to "Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan."  No, he doesn't stammer, he's just an idiot.

"Coals to Newcastle" has been replaced by "scorpions to the Philippines."  Customs inspectors in the Manila airport found 757 of the hairy spiders wrapped up as cookies from Poland.  They're prized by Filipinos as pets but are illegal there.  Why Poland?  Why not?

Mansplainer of the Week is Paul Ryan, frequently described as the worst Speaker in history, who seems puzzled that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is not taking his advice (basically, sit quietly, look through the Lululemon catalogue and let the grown-ups do their work.)

And Chuck Grassley is very upset about Trump's windmill/cancer theory.  Chuck claims to be the "grandfather of wind energy tax credits," which is maybe not as impressive as "godfather of soul" but, you know, Iowa.  He's sure the Father of Lies was being "tongue in cheek."  Ha ha.



Blogger MarkS said...

Brava! If a tree says something witty in the forest and no one hears it, it's STILL witty.Keep it up!

5:10 PM  

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