Tuesday, March 19, 2019

It's all about the Benjamins

Devin Nunes (R-Trumpsass) would like Twitter to pay him $250 million because some Twitter users who are not Trump have made jokes about him and hurt his feelings.  By pretending to be his mother or his cow -- he claims to be some type of dairy farmer -- they have said mean things which are also funny, causing him to be re-elected with fewer votes than he thought he was entitled to.  As a Republican, Farmer Devin does not have a sense of humor, so the only response he could imagine was to hire a skeevy lawyer (de-licensed twice) and file the mother of all frivolous lawsuits.  For those of us not lucky enough to be tweeters, it contains deadpan descriptions of the cyber-meanness, making it the most hilarious legal document of the year.  Plaintiff asserts, among other things, that he and other rightzis are the victims of a Deep-State Conspiracy which has caused them to be shadowbanned by Twitter.  Shadowban is the name of my technokazoo Daft Punk cover band, so back off.  Get your own name.

If Nunes prevails (if, for instance, he can get his case before Judge T.S. Ellis or someone equally squirrelly*), he will learn to be more careful what he wishes for.  His Dear Leader Trump will be open to a class-action suit involving everyone he has mocked, belittled, lied about, threatened, abused or simply mentioned in his morning toilet-tweets.  This could be several hundred people ranging from LeBron James to Pope Francis.  If they each want a quarter-billion, well, I can imagine Days Inn picking up a lot of tacky hotels at knockdown prices.  Luckily the First Amendment and centuries of judicial opinion are clear about the right of everyone, even @DevinsMom and Trump, to say pretty much anything we like about one another.  Short of slander, of course, like attaching "Crooked" to the name of someone who has never even been arraigned.

It has been observed that $250 million is the same amount the Sandmann punk is seeking from both CNN and the Washington Post for the offense of reporting his dickish behavior on the National Mall.  It's a nice, round figure that causes no tearing or redness when pulled out of one's ass.  Donna Brazile certainly isn't getting anything like that to cut her conscience to fit this year's fashion, as Lillian Hellman might say.  As a former chair of the DNC and an intelligent black woman, she will enable Fox News to check a lot of boxes.  I hope they make it worth her while.  Financially.

Money is the root of all.  Trump's perpetual need of money to counterbalance his incompetence and prop up his "organization," and Deutsche Bank's weird willingness to lend him said money, seem to be the threads being pulled by the Special Counsel (or as I call him, Captain Mueller) to unravel the Jumper of Criminality -- look, this metaphor is getting out of hand.  Anyway, follow the money.  That's not in the book All the President's Men.  William Goldman came up with it for the movie.  Good advice nonetheless.

Alan Krieger, Princeton economist and chair of the Council of Economic Advisers under President Obama, committed suicide today.  I don't need Twitter to know that the cellar dwellers are already exchanging gaudy conspiracy theories about QAnon, Hillary and the Girl Scouts.



*Why else would a California Congressman file suit in Virginia?        

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