Spring is here, I hear
It's World Poetry Day, and it's the birthday of Johann Sebastian Bach, but do I have time to listen to Yo-yo Ma play the six Suites or read Philip Larkin? I do not, for I live in the final days as the Great Turtle A'tuin prepares to think "Stuff this" and refuse to carry the world forward any more and then we all fly off into space making cartoon noises. "Yeagggghhhhhhshittt!" we'll go. But at least we won't have to keep batting away stupidity like this:
Most politicians have something they would rather not expose to the withering light of media scrutiny, like they once belonged to a computer-hacking club or they used to be romantically involved with a rabbit. The smart ones get it out there first, like Obama acknowledging that he once tried cocaine. The stupid ones drag it out proudly to show that, I don't know, they're just folks? John Hickenlooper got to be governor of Colorado without anyone knowing that he took his mom to see Deep Throat, often described as the Citizen Kane of fellatio movies. His mother never said a word, and nobody else who was present wants to talk about it. Yet this was just the story he decided to tell on a CNN town hall last night. I would say it terminated his presidential campaign if his campaign had been viable up to that point, which it wasn't. Now I'm just wondering if he's related to Burke Hickenlooper, who was a senator from Iowa many years ago. But not enough to Google either one of them.
In other shithead governor news, Matt Bevin, Republican (of course) of Kentucky (of course) readily admitted to child abuse on a near-industrial scale. Just to show those elitists with their fancy medical degrees, he declined to vaccinate his nine (9) children and deliberately exposed them to chickenpox instead. Now all nine (9) can look forward to developing shingles as they age, while telling therapists about the father who also forced them to contract measles, rubella, mumps, and presumably scarlet fever, pertussis and diphtheria as well. Pelvic inflammatory disease and polio are other possible symptoms of Dad's pathological libertarianism. I hope all nine (9) survive.
Harbinger of spring? Clarence Thomas awoke from hibernation and said some words out loud yesterday while wearing his robe and sitting with the other eight. They were dumb words, but that was to be expected. He has gone back to sleep, but can be re-awakened whenever his wife arranges for someone to give him money for saying words.
"There is some forces behind her," said professional broadcaster Brian Kilmeade, because English are hard. It was a very sober analysis of the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez crisis, with special guest star Mike Huckabee joining the three couch potatoes. She's "almost like the Manchurian candidate, recruited, prepared," the Huck warned darkly, because he knows that no 29-year-old female could possibly know all the things that she questioned Michael Cohen and Wilbur Ross about, was there a secret invisible earpiece feeding her lines like William Hurt in Broadcast News? (The Huck knows how stupid females are, he's Sarah's father.) And one day she will get a call inviting her to relax with a nice game of Angry Birds and she'll pick up a rifle and...wait, did the Huck and I see different movies? With so many dangerous women in Congress, some of them openly Muslim, why is AOC the focus of so much fear? If I had money to invest I'd find out who makes Depends, because a lot of old white men seem to be soiling themselves and their nice white couch.
Springtime is when the new racist fashions come out. Gucci, which introduced the completely bizarre "minstrel show" sweater a few weeks ago, and withdrew it almost as quickly, is now selling sneakers made to look dirty. The line starts at $870 for regular scuffing and goes up to who knows what for the deluxe mock-the-poor style. The perfect complement to a Burberry "noose hoodie" and the indispensable Prada "Little Black Sambo" keychain. I swear by Coco, muse of couture, I have made none of this up.
In less than a week, New Zealand banned semi-automatic weapons and established a government buy-back program for those in private hands. During the same period, Indiana began forcing terrified teachers to undergo "live fire" drills (with plastic bullets) to prepare for the inevitable Freedom Free Fire Fest to come. Hey, they get the whole summer off, whadda they expect, to live forever?
Trump has been threatening violence against "the left" (Democratic Congress) and boasting that "the troops" are with him. That may not be the case. General Robert Neller, commandant of the Marine Corps, has written to the Secretary of the Navy to request that the Imbecile in Chief stop shitting on his outfit. Marines are being sent to the Mexican border to deploy razor wire and repel the invading force of very bad murderers and drug dealers disguised as women and children (and at least one man with advanced Alzheimer's). They are therefore not participating in preparedness exercises alone and with our increasingly worried allies. In addition, Trump is grabbing money appropriated by Congress -- the Republican one -- to repair hurricane-damaged facilities and provide decent housing for military families. I have a feeling that when T-Day arrives, Donzo will look around and find that there's nobody backing him up but a couple dozen overage, overweight militia clowns led by Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin.
Sad!
Most politicians have something they would rather not expose to the withering light of media scrutiny, like they once belonged to a computer-hacking club or they used to be romantically involved with a rabbit. The smart ones get it out there first, like Obama acknowledging that he once tried cocaine. The stupid ones drag it out proudly to show that, I don't know, they're just folks? John Hickenlooper got to be governor of Colorado without anyone knowing that he took his mom to see Deep Throat, often described as the Citizen Kane of fellatio movies. His mother never said a word, and nobody else who was present wants to talk about it. Yet this was just the story he decided to tell on a CNN town hall last night. I would say it terminated his presidential campaign if his campaign had been viable up to that point, which it wasn't. Now I'm just wondering if he's related to Burke Hickenlooper, who was a senator from Iowa many years ago. But not enough to Google either one of them.
In other shithead governor news, Matt Bevin, Republican (of course) of Kentucky (of course) readily admitted to child abuse on a near-industrial scale. Just to show those elitists with their fancy medical degrees, he declined to vaccinate his nine (9) children and deliberately exposed them to chickenpox instead. Now all nine (9) can look forward to developing shingles as they age, while telling therapists about the father who also forced them to contract measles, rubella, mumps, and presumably scarlet fever, pertussis and diphtheria as well. Pelvic inflammatory disease and polio are other possible symptoms of Dad's pathological libertarianism. I hope all nine (9) survive.
Harbinger of spring? Clarence Thomas awoke from hibernation and said some words out loud yesterday while wearing his robe and sitting with the other eight. They were dumb words, but that was to be expected. He has gone back to sleep, but can be re-awakened whenever his wife arranges for someone to give him money for saying words.
"There is some forces behind her," said professional broadcaster Brian Kilmeade, because English are hard. It was a very sober analysis of the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez crisis, with special guest star Mike Huckabee joining the three couch potatoes. She's "almost like the Manchurian candidate, recruited, prepared," the Huck warned darkly, because he knows that no 29-year-old female could possibly know all the things that she questioned Michael Cohen and Wilbur Ross about, was there a secret invisible earpiece feeding her lines like William Hurt in Broadcast News? (The Huck knows how stupid females are, he's Sarah's father.) And one day she will get a call inviting her to relax with a nice game of Angry Birds and she'll pick up a rifle and...wait, did the Huck and I see different movies? With so many dangerous women in Congress, some of them openly Muslim, why is AOC the focus of so much fear? If I had money to invest I'd find out who makes Depends, because a lot of old white men seem to be soiling themselves and their nice white couch.
Springtime is when the new racist fashions come out. Gucci, which introduced the completely bizarre "minstrel show" sweater a few weeks ago, and withdrew it almost as quickly, is now selling sneakers made to look dirty. The line starts at $870 for regular scuffing and goes up to who knows what for the deluxe mock-the-poor style. The perfect complement to a Burberry "noose hoodie" and the indispensable Prada "Little Black Sambo" keychain. I swear by Coco, muse of couture, I have made none of this up.
In less than a week, New Zealand banned semi-automatic weapons and established a government buy-back program for those in private hands. During the same period, Indiana began forcing terrified teachers to undergo "live fire" drills (with plastic bullets) to prepare for the inevitable Freedom Free Fire Fest to come. Hey, they get the whole summer off, whadda they expect, to live forever?
Trump has been threatening violence against "the left" (Democratic Congress) and boasting that "the troops" are with him. That may not be the case. General Robert Neller, commandant of the Marine Corps, has written to the Secretary of the Navy to request that the Imbecile in Chief stop shitting on his outfit. Marines are being sent to the Mexican border to deploy razor wire and repel the invading force of very bad murderers and drug dealers disguised as women and children (and at least one man with advanced Alzheimer's). They are therefore not participating in preparedness exercises alone and with our increasingly worried allies. In addition, Trump is grabbing money appropriated by Congress -- the Republican one -- to repair hurricane-damaged facilities and provide decent housing for military families. I have a feeling that when T-Day arrives, Donzo will look around and find that there's nobody backing him up but a couple dozen overage, overweight militia clowns led by Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin.
Sad!
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 5:45 PM
1 Comments:
I tried to post the introductory Proem from The Stuffed Owl: An Anthology of Bad Verse (in honor of World Poetry Day, of course) but it's too long. Send me your email--mine is johnvburke100@gmail.com--and I'll email it to you. I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy it.
Post a Comment
<< Home