Saturday, December 31, 2016

Points of light

This is Comet 45P.  It has a longer name.  If you look up now, you might see it. 

Comets were once considered harbingers of dread, but that would be redundant.  And trite.  I prefer to close the year with words from a woman I never heard of until she resigned from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir because she could not bring herself to participate in an event scheduled for January 20, 2017.  This is what Jan Chamberlin wrote:

"Tyranny is now on our doorstep; it has been sneaking its way into our lives through stealth.  We must continue our love and support for the refugees and the oppressed by fighting against these great evils."


Monday, December 26, 2016

With charity for all

Someone asked Carl Paladino, onetime candidate for governor of New York and now Trump state chairman, what he wanted to see in 2017:

   "Obama catches mad cow disease after being caught having relations with a Herford [sic].  He dies
    before his trial and is buried in a cow pasture next to Valerie Jarret [sic] who died weeks prior after
    being convicted of sedition and treason, when a Jihady [sic] cellmate mistook her for being a nice
    person and decapitated her...Michelle Obama, I'd like her to return to being a male and let loose
    in the outback of Zimbabwe where she lives comfortably with Maxie the gorilla."

It's all there -- the appalling grammar, the fixation on bestiality, the bizarre but unshakeable alt-right trope that the most glamorous First Lady since Jacqueline Kennedy is really a man --I pity the public school children of Buffalo with this sitting on their school board.  Our next ambassador to South Africa?

Here's something I learned only recently from reading Bill Bryson's One Summer:  America 1927:  When Italian immigrants came here at the turn of the twentieth century and settled in the South, their children were often required to attend black schools.  They were not considered white by local government and were harassed by the Klan for being immigrants and Catholics.  This doesn't excuse anything, but maybe it helps to explain why awful individuals like Paladino and Giuliani feel they have to work harder (often grotesquely harder) at their racism than regular bigots like Trump and Sessions.  No dog whistles for them, always looking over their shoulders, never quite sure that they are "white" enough even now.  What a terrible way to live.    

Thursday, December 22, 2016

...and the comedy stylings of Dick Cheney!

In the darkest time of the year you can mourn for the kakiocracy taking shape in Washington.  I prefer to laugh at the low comedy of trying to find someone, anyone, who wants to entertain our new rulers at the "inauguration" now less than a month away.  Susan Bender has accepted the job of booking the talent, and therefore deserves no sympathy.  Maybe a little.  So far, the roster includes a teenage runner-up from "America's Got Talent" and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  She has been turned down by Celine Dion, Garth Brooks, John Legend, and KISS, the only band whose members wear more makeup than Trump.  Andrea Bocelli supposedly declined for fear of "bad press," but it's more likely he has heard of Trump's fondness for mocking people with disabilities.  (Don't even bother to call Stevie Wonder.)  It looks like Ted Nugent won't be singing his hit.  Patricia Heaton has to wash her hair that night.

Elton John was another "no" but I still think he's gettable.  After all, he performed at the most recent wedding of Jabba the Rush to a human female, for a reported million dollars.  If Trump were to double that, fly him over on Trump Force One, arrange a date with Rick Perry -- who knows?  The alternative is to ask Putin for some trained bears from the Moscow Circus, riding bicycles while the Mormons sing "Tomorrow Belongs To Me."        

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Tweet, tweet! Over here!

In the latest in a series of carefully constructed media distractions, the Idiot-Elect got into a war with Vanity Fair magazine after it published a nauseated review of the Trump Grill (or Trumpe Grille), the overpriced greasy spoon inside Trumpe Towere where Mitt Romney was dined and dissed two weeks ago (and probably got stuck with the check).  The review reignited the Orange One's thirty-year war with the magazine's proprietor Graydon Carter, co-creator of the immortal descriptive "short-fingered vulgarian."  In response to the usual semi-literate snarls, readers gave VF its best day ever, doubling the subscriber base.

I want in.  Buttermilk Sky has never had a kind word to say about Donzo the Clown, and I can assure you it never will.  This is the place for non-stop mockery of everything about Putin's puppet, from his scotch-tape tie clip to his unspeakable cabinet.  All we ask is one little tweet ("Don't read Buttermilk Sky!  Very bad blog, no porspective, very few readers.  Kicked off Blogger soon!").  Did I mention he can't spell?

Buttermilk Sky.  Denounce it by name.  I triple-dog dare you, Shitgibbon.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Ship of fools

"It looks as though Trump is assembling the crew for a pirate ship."  -- John Cleese

With respect -- and I have nothing but respect for the Rt. Hon. Minister of Silly Walks -- no.   That is, no self-respecting pirate would round up a mob like this one.  Ruthless, ignorant, greedy and unscrupulous, sure, but most of them have never been at sea and some have never glimpsed it.  I am reminded of another celebrated Python sketch, the one about village idiots. 

Tom Price, Health and Human Services:  Putative surgeon who doesn't believe in vaccination and thinks Barack Obama ruled through hypnosis.

Betsy DeVos, Education:  Favors private schools, particularly religious ones.

Ben Carson, Housing and Urban Development:  Sole qualification is that he once lived in public housing. 

James Mattis, Defense:  Also happens to be a longtime General Dynamics executive.  No possible conflict of interest there.

Jefferson Davis Beauregard Sessions, "Justice":  Named for the worst traitor in American history and has always lived up to the name.  Racist's racist.  In a more civilized era, the Senate refused to confirm his appointment as a federal judge.

Scott Brown, Veterans Affairs:  Two-year senator who coined the racist nickname "Pocahontas" for his opponent, Elizabeth Warren.  Didn't work for him, but struck Trump as the quintessence of wit.    Like the First Lady-elect, enjoys posing naked.

Michael Flynn, National Security adviser.  Clinically insane.  Claims the U.S.-Mexico border is dotted with signs in Arabic advising ISIS fighters where to cross.  His equally bughouse son Michael Jr. has spread a bizarre conspiracy theory involving Hillary Clinton and a pedophile ring which continues to endanger innocent people in pizza restaurants in at least three cities.  Junior works for the "transition team."

Stephen Bannon, special adviser and professional racist.  Could be an actual pirate.  Will probably continue running from the White House.  Why not?  His boss will still be producing his television show, and probably running many other enterprises he hasn't admitted to.

I get dizzy from trying to sort through this, so I may have imagined that Captain Crook wants to put a wrestling promoter in his cabinet.  Sixteen years ago Bush hired a horse show promoter to run FEMA, just in time for Hurricane Katrina.  What a time.  Remember how Fidel Castro offered to send the Cuban navy to New Orleans to aid Americans who were dying in the flooded streets?  "Heck of a job, Brownie!" 

Watch the rats.  When they start to leave the ship, follow them quietly.  They always seem to know. 



Thursday, December 08, 2016

Person of the century of the year

Many thousands of subscriptions cancelled!  Failing Time Magazine soon going out of business!  Very very badly writing, unreadable.  Editorial staff should be killed.  Boycott all advertisers!  Nasty tone and mean spirited.  Supports ISIS and hates Real Americans.  Sad.

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Donald and his very good brain #1

First of a sad series.

Two days ago he delivered the following wisdom at the USS Yorktown in South Carolina:

"We have to go see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening.  We have to talk to them about, maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way.  Somebody will say, 'Oh, freedom of speech, freedom of speech.'  These are foolish people.  We have a lot of foolish people."

Have to agree there, Donzo.  We do have a lot of foolish people and you are their king.  "Closing that Internet up" is his secret plan, at long last revealed, for defeating ISIS, because they use it for propaganda and recruitment -- in the same way Stormfront and Breitbart use it to promote white supremacy, and The Trump Store uses it to sell hats and shirts and Christmas tree ornaments, and billions of other Earthoids use it for their own purposes, frequently even to criticize their leaders.  So, it must be shut down.  

I don't even know where to start, but I suppose as good a place as any is the First Amendment to the Constitution this ignorant buffoon will soon swear to preserve, protect and defend.  "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." 

Lot of big words, huh?  What those foolish people in Philadelphia meant was, you can't throw the Muslims out or put them on a register, you can't have the FBI keep people from demonstrating their hatred of you no matter what Jared says, and you can't shut us up.  Not even the Internet, without which you would be lost because that's where Twitter is.  Amazing, but true.  Every lie, fantasy, and piece of USDA Grade A bullshit you have put out for the last five years is carried by the Internet all over the world in a few seconds, and is protected free speech because those fools decided no one should have the right to silence anyone else.  Not even ISIS.  Not even an ignorant buffoon who calls his opponent "the devil" and adores Vladimir Putin.

And just for comic relief, Bill Gates?  What has Bill Gates to do with the Internet?  Gates founded a software company called Microsoft and isn't even actively involved with it any more.  I wish  you would have a conversation with Mr. Gates.  He could tell you how his foundation is making progress against malaria and Ebola, trying to stop climate change, providing people with polio vaccines, and other wondrous things.  This is what real charities do, including the Clinton Global Initiative.  They don't spend other people's money on oil paintings of The Leader, or bribes for state officials.  What a wonderful educational opportunity awaits you.  Yes, I am being sarcastic.