...and the comedy stylings of Dick Cheney!

In the darkest time of the year you can mourn for the kakiocracy taking shape in Washington.  I prefer to laugh at the low comedy of trying to find someone, anyone, who wants to entertain our new rulers at the "inauguration" now less than a month away.  Susan Bender has accepted the job of booking the talent, and therefore deserves no sympathy.  Maybe a little.  So far, the roster includes a teenage runner-up from "America's Got Talent" and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  She has been turned down by Celine Dion, Garth Brooks, John Legend, and KISS, the only band whose members wear more makeup than Trump.  Andrea Bocelli supposedly declined for fear of "bad press," but it's more likely he has heard of Trump's fondness for mocking people with disabilities.  (Don't even bother to call Stevie Wonder.)  It looks like Ted Nugent won't be singing his hit.  Patricia Heaton has to wash her hair that night.

Elton John was another "no" but I still think he's gettable.  After all, he performed at the most recent wedding of Jabba the Rush to a human female, for a reported million dollars.  If Trump were to double that, fly him over on Trump Force One, arrange a date with Rick Perry -- who knows?  The alternative is to ask Putin for some trained bears from the Moscow Circus, riding bicycles while the Mormons sing "Tomorrow Belongs To Me."