Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I, for one, welcome our new orange overlord

Was it only a week ago?  I was idly wondering what sort of Secretary of State Joe Biden would make, a contrast to the urbane, French-speaking Kerry.  Now I'm thinking, OK, put Sarah Palin in the Cabinet, just don't give Numbnipples a job with access to the Situation Room.  See how little it takes to make me happy?  Maybe "calm" is a better word.

And that can be her Secret Service code name.  I have others.  For the Trumps, obviously, Deadbeat and Pornstar.  For the Pences, Godbotherer and Handmaid.  (I assume there is a Mrs. Pence; I don't think I've ever seen her.  But if she exists, she certainly subscribes to the Nazi definition of a woman's proper sphere:  Kuche, Kirche, Kinder.  The other KKK.)  The Three Blind Trustees can be Greasy, Sleazy and Morticia, while Gingrich and Giuliani are unquestionably Fat Man and Little Boy, apt to set off a chain reaction which could ignite the atmosphere.  Rinse Priapus Reince Priebus has to be Putzi.  He just looks like a Putzi.

Some folks here in Blogenheim  want to believe the Electoral College will save us, and have started an online petition asking that it respect the popular vote, but that has never happened and never will.  Expecting a reprieve from the Electoral College is like expecting an education from Trump University (see what I did there?).  It will thwart democracy as it did in 1876 and 2000, as it was designed to do by the Fathers (all hail!).  Sorry about all the parentheses, but I'm severely medicated. 

And before I head back to the couch, an observation:  We don't have a parliamentary system and we can't afford twee little parties and vanity candidates like Jill Stein.  They appeal to a type of voter I call the mandarin:  "I'm special, and my vote is special, and I want to send a message with my vote, so if I can't vote for someone who exactly fits my specifications" -- this is for you, too, Bernie bros -- "I just won't bother."  Maybe you weren't listening when Max Brooks said, "This election is not about apples or oranges.  It's about apples or your house burns down."  How do you like the charred rubble, you spoiled children?  Yes, Hillary Clinton was a "flawed candidate."  They all are.  You want flawless, vote for Francis of Assisi.  He was born in Italy and he's been dead for six hundred years, but he never took a favor from the King of Morocco. 

A wormy apple or an orange fascist.  That was the only choice, and we blew it.


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