Best-laid plans

 Here I was, all set to open with a fancy poem by Mr. Yeats about the blood-dimmed tide drowning the ceremony of innocence, whatever that means, when millions of Americans said NO IN THUNDER to being stripped of their rights and decided to fill in the oval next to the "D" person.  And so here we are, not exactly saved but not drowned either.  Waving, not drowning.  Different poem.

I just love this picture.  That is not a happy loser, and he and his (I'm guessing) family have not been in this politics game long enough to learn how to paste on smiles.  So Mehmet, have you tried chicory extract and asparagus root?  Only $59.95 a bottle and it also cures Parkinson's, autism and the yaws.

Still in Pennsylvania, a commanding majority said Doug Mastriano can keep his Confederate uniform and the horse he rode in on.  They're going with the short Jewish guy who ran on a promise to keep abortion legal.  In fact, bodily autonomy was maybe the most important issue in a lot of states.  California went so far as to put the right to abortion and contraception into their fricking state constitution, just in case somebody tries something down the road.  When the civil war resumes, I want to fight for California.

Nothing good happened in Texas, so enjoy this video of an Astros fan throwing a beer to/at Ted Cruz.

A big hand for Westley Watende Omari Moore, a name to drive Fox News crazy and the first African American governor of Maryland.  Unlike Barack Hussein Obama, the governor-elect has been a TV producer and an investment banker, which is bound to confuse certain people.  His issues include abortion rights, gun control and support for LGBTQ people.  The future star of the party is 44.

 

After only one memorable term it appears voters in the Colorado Third may be tired of telling people they come from France and have never heard of Lauren Boebert.  Not yet called, but she trails Adam Frisch by about four thousand votes.  It looks like Armageddon may be postponed yet again.

In Alaska they have ranked voting so it will take a while to figure out who won, but Rep. Mary Peltola holds a big lead (47.1 percent) over Sarah Palin (26.6 percent) in the first round.  Next up:  the talent contest?

Gretchen Whitmer -- can't kidnap her, can't beat her.  At least you can't if you're Trump-selected Tudor Dixon.  

Tim Michels promised that when he's governor, "Republicans will never lose another election in Wisconsin."  The idea appealed to over a million people, but he still managed to lose this one to Tony Evers.  Maybe next time don't say it out loud, Tim.  Rookie mistake.

Kari Lake made a similar promise in Arizona.  They're still counting.  Anybody got the number for Cyber Ninjas?  Maybe they can find more votes for Katie Hobbs the way they did for Joe Biden.

It looks like Georgia can look forward to another month of snarling attack ads and Senator Warnock relating his accomplishments in just two years.  What did we do to deserve this?  Oh, right, a bunch of idiots voted for the brain-damaged football player who doesn't understand how condoms work.  Or pronouns.  Or trees.

Needless to say, Mar a Lago was the place to watch the returns if you had the price of a ticket or were a "top aide...ordered to spend the evening there."  Their Genial Host made an uncharacteristically brief rant while Fox News (no Newsmax?) brought details of the Red Tide or whatever it was.  Reporters were thrown ushered out long before midnight, when he exited quietly after witnessing the defeats of all but a few favorites -- bye bye Bolduc!  Maura Healey a Diehl-breaker in Massachusetts!  Blake Masters will not be replacing the astronaut!  It's all McConnell's fault!

Actually it's everybody's fault except Trump's.  He said so.  He'll accept praise but not blame, sort of like the god of the Old Testament.  Also Melania's to blame, if you can believe it, that he endorsed Mehmet Oz (I suspect she swears by his quack potions).  Probably his "horrible children," too.  (Junior called the election a "bloodbath!!!" on Tuesday night, which obviously jinxed everything.)  We're told that Republican "insiders" are fed up with Trump and want their party back -- but nobody is stepping out of the mouse hole to bell the cat.  Nobody, that is, but...

Rupert Murdoch, who has decided that Ron DeSantis is "DeFuture."  (Today's front page in the New York Post, I swear.)  Yes, he's delightful, he's delovely, he's smarter and younger than Trump and he's not looking at criminal prosecution in half a dozen venues.  Also cruel, vindictive, seething with racism, homophobia and misogyny, and unhinged about non-Cuban immigrants.  I'm sure Mar a Lago is experiencing a red wave of flung ketchup today, punctuated by screams of rage.  Let's you and him fight!

Trump has more or less promised to announce his candidacy on November 15 in the hope that it will keep Merrick Garland, at least, from indicting him.  After yesterday I'm not sure.  And now he's being chased out of his "beautiful home" by Hurricane Nicole, which boiled up from the Caribbean hours ago.  I hope somebody remembered all the top-secret documents and love letters from Kim.

I want to thank so many people...

Weird life-form Rick Scott, for compiling a dossier of policies so awful that Mitch McConnell tried to distance himself from it, a handy guide to a possible Republican future that got people to the polls in record numbers.

Elon Musk, the most hated man on earth, for ordering Twitter users to vote Republican.

Samuel Alito, whose Dobbs decision turned it all around -- love ya, Sammy!  You keep looking for that leaker.  (I think her initials are Ginni Thomas.)

Everyone who made fun of a stroke victim.

Everyone who made fun of a home invasion/hammer attack victim.

Of course, Donald John Trump -- couldn't have done it without you.  When you called Nancy Pelosi "an animal," it set the tone.  For everything.

From Senator Cory Booker:  "I cannot wait to get to work with my bald brother from across the river."