Independent day

 (Warning:  Contains self-indulgence)

In addition to real papers I look at the British publication the Independent.  Sometimes it has useful information.  More often it has headlines like these:

Kim Kardashian's Birthday Celebrations Cut Short By Adverse Weather

Missing Cat Reunited With Family After Six Years

Maisie Williams Makes Brutal Admission About Game of Thrones Ending

Balthazar Owner Responds After James Corden Says Feud Is "So Silly"  (This has been going on for two weeks)

First Grey Seal Pup of the Year Is Born at England's Largest Colony  

Deborah James "Would Have Been Thrilled" By Bowel Cancer Breakthrough

I Ate 13 Courses of Carbs at the UK's First Bread-Only Restaurant

Every Rumoured Contestant for This Year's I'm a Celebrity

Midnights Is Taylor Swift's Darkest and Most Cryptic Album Yet

Kanye West Claims Quentin Tarantino Stole Django Unchained Idea

Bimbos Are Back.  Did Megan Markle Miss the Memo?

Notice I haven't even mentioned sport.  Most of these heads would pique your interest in The Onion, but here I don't even have the energy to click.  Luckily "Love Island" is not currently monopolizing half the page.  And compared to the Daily Mail, this is Areopagitica, Milton's case for a free press which he would probably want to revise.

With some relief I turn to the Washington Post and a truly fascinating article about why summertime drivers are encountering fewer bug splatters on their windshields.  I'm not joking, it's deeply worrying ecology-and-aerodynamics information.  Unlike the affairs of a Kardashian, it will not make you feel dumber for reading it.