News you can use

 If you are a female person and thinking of taking in the World Cup in Qatar, you probably need to know that it is a crime to produce a child out of wedlock.  Several Australian, New Zealand and British women learned this when a baby was discovered in an airport bathroom.  The five women were pulled off a Qatar Airways flight to Sydney and subjected to gynecological examinations, presumably by a doctor but it could just as easily have been the Purity Police.  This happened two years ago, and the Australian women are only now suing for "unlawful physical contact," which seems pointless in a Qatari court.  Anyway, footie fans, this is not a place you need to visit.  Sell your tickets and buy an enormous flatscreen TV.

"I've got news for you.  Absolutely no one wants to hear what your plan is for their uterus."  That sounds like Qatar but it's Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez responding to Mike Pence's anticipation of "pro-life majorities" imposing purity police on America after the mid-term election.  If she's reading "Mike's Midterm Tsunami of Truth" AOC already knows that Michael Moore predicts gains for the Democrats.  We laughed when he said Trump would win in 2016.  We should listen to him now as he tries to awake the sleeping giant that is non-voters, brainwashed by a relentless deafening groan of both-siderism.   

 

I'm not exaggerating.  In Zionsville (yeah) Indiana, Matt Keefer is running for the school board on a platform of "all Nazis weren't bad."  When questioned about this apparently mainstream Republican position he responded, "I am correct," and what's more "hate" from the "far left" "only makes me stronger."  That's not hate, Matt, it's pity for a fool.  How does pity make you feel?  

I don't think Trump concerns himself with local races, but in this case Keefer may get to stand on the platform at the next hate rally.  The one in Robstown, Texas, was standard issue xenophobic spew about subhumans pouring across the border, etc., etc.  Multiply-indicted Ken Paxton came in for most of the praise Trump didn't lavish on himself, as Greg Abbott had a previous engagement with the Yankees-Astros game.  Oh, and he's going to sue the Pulitzer board "in two weeks" -- we know what that means.  The yobs ate it up, wiped the cow feces from their chins and begged for more.

They got it today, as their messiah took to his bankrupt social media platform for a particularly weird one.  "Who is going to enter the Trump Quicksand?  Many have tried, leaving permanently damaged, or never to be heard from again!"  He is totally in control of the rotting hulk still officially known as the Republican Party, no one can win without him, all must kiss his ass like J.D. Vance.  Also Jake Tapper is "low rated," which is weird because Tapper unquestionably read the memo from the new management and has scooted to the right like Brooks Robinson at shortstop.  Of course it is a myth beloved of pulp writers and B-movie producers that humans routinely die when trapped in quicksand.  Don't tell Donzo, he thinks he invented it.

The Trump Quicksand is a title waiting to be used by the next reporter with a book about how Trump refused to wear the same socks twice or threatened to kill a servant who put too much ice in his Diet Coke or whatever bombshells remain unrevealed.  You're welcome.

Speaking of books, Trump is double-plus-unhappy about the new Woodward audio book because "the tapes belong to me."  The writer into whose mic he prattled for hours, boasting about the classified documents he smuggled out of Washington, is now "sleazy" and, guess what, another hopeless lawsuit will be filed as soon as his disciples pony up another million dollars in love offerings.  I predict that a slice of the royalties will make this go away.  Not going to happen.

Some of Trump's lawyers have suggested that the DoJ might be "invited" back to the Florida Document Dine & Dump for another look around.  They think we didn't see those boxes being loaded on the plane and flown to Bedminster because stupid people think everyone else is stupid, too.  Of course, if the swag is already in Riyadh or Moscow, there's no point in bothering the FBI.

This just in:  Boris Johnson says he doesn't want another term as PM.  I don't even care anymore.