Time to get serious

 Amou Haji, the Iranian hermit celebrated (if that's the right word) as "the world's dirtiest man," has died at age 94, several months after neighbors convinced him to bathe for the first time in sixty years.  The Tehran Times says he ate roadkill, smoked a pipe filled with animal excrement and believed washing would make him ill.  It looks like he was right.  This does not bode well for Steve Bannon, sentenced to four months in prison and a risible fine by a Trump-appointed judge.  He can always claim a weekly shower amounts to cruel and unusual punishment.  May as well take advantage of the Constitution even as he works to trash it.

In other news of our fair and impartial judiciary, Clarence Thomas says Lindsey Graham does not have to testify under subpoena to the Fulton County grand jury, at least for now.  I'm sure Ginni will show her appreciation for his wisdom in the usual manner.

Adidas is one of the multinational corporations that employs Uighur slave labor to make its athletic shoes in China, but is willing to take a financial hit by ending its business partnership with Kanye West.  The next time some Rightzi says abortion (or Obamacare or critical race theory) is "worse than slavery," you can say "No, but a mentally unbalanced rapper who spews antisemitism is."

Maybe Michael Moore is right about the midterms.  Tucker Carlson seems to think so.  The genial host of Tin-tray Tucker's White Power Clubhouse is becoming more deranged by the day, describing the Democratic Party as a "child sacrifice cult" and raging at criticism of his apparently unemployable son Buckley, who was given a pity-job by Rep. Jim Banks.  I assume someone at Fox knows where they stored the straitjackets after O'Reilly was fired.

Moore seems to have Arizona worried, too.  The state where it all began in 1964 already has armed thugs intimidating voters on behalf of the Republicans, but people are managing to vote anyway.  To curb this, the legislature is considering measures to require even more voter ID -- possibly involving a DNA test.  Their candidate for secretary of state, Mark Finchem, has guaranteed that Arizona's electoral votes will go to Trump, or DeSantis, or whatever in 2024, regardless of the popular vote.  This is somehow legal.  Voters can still put a stop to it, but will they?

The trial of Stewart Rhodes and four other fascists is on hold because Mr. "I Shot My Eye Out" has contracted covid.  Now how could that have happened?

It's no secret that Ted Cruz is a bully-coward -- it's a Texas Republican requirement -- but his masochism is out of hand.  Who could forget...

If he thought growing a beard would help, well, a mask didn't:

And now Mr. Glutton for Punishment (isn't that a character from Pilgrim's Progress?) flew all the way to New York to be jeered at Yankee Stadium and booed at a taping of The View.  ("Fuck you," someone yelled, and it wasn't Whoopi.)  He stopped by Fox News to have some ointment applied to his raw ass, but you know he loves it.  Better sharpen the stilettos, Heidi, he's Cruz-in' for a bruisin'.

Trump's obsession with penises, or at least his own, has long been a source of comedy, dating from the debate when he assured Marco Rubio there was "no problem" with the size of his hands or anything else.  (This in turn stems from his long battle with Spy magazine's characterization of the "short-fingered vulgarian" which he does not understand to this day.)  As the prosecutors close in, the penetration fantasies have turned darker.  Recently Maggie Haberman told how he relished the idea of Jared Kushner going camping and being raped by feral hillbillies out of Deliverance, complete with banjo music.  Last week in Texas he pumped up the mob with a yarn about the leaked Supreme Court decision in Dobbs (remember that?) and how journalists should be jailed for refusing to reveal the source.  "When this person realizes he's going to be the bride of another prisoner very shortly he will say 'I'd like very much to tell you exactly who that leaker is!'"  Big laugh.  Texas.  Because prison rape is funny when it happens to a reporter, like dressing room rape in a department store.  Realistically, even if justice prevails and Trump goes to prison, no one would touch his flabby ass with a baseball bat.  But he's frightened.  Maybe that's enough.