The real housewives of Salem

 Aside from tax cuts for the rich, the Republicans have been devoid of ideas since Warren G. Harding downsized the Navy.  Their last national election featured the platform TRUMP 4 EVER.  It wasn't enough to impress the undecided voters.

Based on gubernatorial and Congressional campaigns this year, the party has become a modern-dress production of The Crucible by people who aren't smart enough to grasp that Arthur Miller thought the Salem witch mania of 1692-3, like McCarthyism, was a bad idea.  We've already had a preview of Roger Stone's show Blue State Gateways To Hell, coming soon to the Travel Channel.   Then Goody Greene revealed the very words Satan whispered in her ear to convince her abortion is no big deal.  She had previously explained that "Satan's controlling the Catholic Church," which would come as no surprise to the judges in Salem.  Not the whole church, of course -- not the people who think a woman should welcome the "opportunity" to have her rapist's baby, or the communion nazis who want to cut Joe Biden off ("No body of Christ for you!").  Only Pope Francis and his woke liberal supporters with all their concern for immigrants and poor people.  And the environment!  Get thee behind me!

Then Goody Karamo explained the Satanic influence of pop stars.  She wants to strip Cardi B, Beyonce and other women and examine their bodies -- in a completely godly and not-lesbian way -- for the devil's mark cunningly concealed among the tattoos.  The mark you get after dancing in the forest with the Black Man (presumably Barack Obama).  Also evil:  yoga, which predates Christianity by several hundred years.  Yoga pants, too, probably.

And now, Kandiss Taylor.  Goody Taylor is not waiting until she becomes governor of Georgia, which is just as well.  She has prepared "Executive Order #10" to "take down the Satanic Elite/Luciferian Cabal."  All the evil in Georgia -- and it's considerable, boy, let me tell you -- stems from this thing here:

The Georgia Guidestones, erected in 1980 by someone calling himself R.C. Christian, in Elberton County near the South Carolina state line.  They contain a series of unworkable prescriptions for a perfect world starting with "Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature."  They're inscribed in English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese and Russian, with additional translations in Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit and Ancient Egyptian.  I owe Goody Taylor my gratitude because I never heard of them before.  That doesn't mean they haven't been defaced by the self-righteous over the years.  Anyway, they're coming down on the first day of her reign.  I can only guess what the first nine "Executive Orders" target, but at least all the human sacrifices will end.  "Jesus Guns Babies" is her campaign slogan.  Maybe we all get a gun and/or a baby.

Goody Taylor is a third grade teacher and five percent of Georgia voters consider her gubernatorial material.  Deal with that.