A swirling cauldron

 Some days there's so much wackaloon I don't know where to start.  This is such a day.  Let's dive in.

"We were born for this moment.  I've been preparing for this moment for my entire life without knowing it.  I just thought I was a political warrior.  But this is no longer a war in the political realm, and I do know how it comes out because I know how the Bible comes out."

Guess.  Go on.  You'll never get it.  Hint:  he carries the face of evil on his back.

Yes!  It's Roger Stone and he has identified a satanic portal over the White House.  He calls on "people of good faith and Christians" -- nice distinction there -- to embark on a national "prayer assault" to close the portal.  It accounts for the "inherent evil" inside the building, where people are trying to help a small country under attack, keep the planet from incinerating, aid debt-crippled college graduates, put qualified people on the Supreme Court and, oh, I don't know, all kinds of wickedness.  Always a few berries short of a fruit salad, Stone has now gone full Margie Greene, proclaiming everything satanic.  Joe Biden is a Catholic.  Coincidence?  

Nothing is going to match that.  But we go on.  Check your harness and grab your ripcord.

This is Tory MP Neil Parish, who represents the lucky people of Tiverton and Honiton.  Parish turned himself in to Parliamentary authorities after another Honorable Member spotted him watching porn on his phone in the House of Commons.  Shocking, right?  Actually he looks like he's watching it right now.  Parish is known, it says here, as "a champion for animals and farming," which seems to hint at the type of thing he was watching.  ("I had to determine if the sheep was being abused, Mr. Speaker.")  Labour's Shadow Leader is Thangam Debbonaire; he (?) doesn't figure in this story, I just wanted to enjoy the name.  Also, according to the Mail on Sunday, the Tories have complained that Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner tries to distract Boris during QT by crossing and uncrossing her legs like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.  What the hell is up with the Mother of Parliaments?

One thing hasn't changed:  The British take bankruptcy seriously.  Former tennis star Boris Becker was sentenced to two years and six months in real prison, not some community-service-ethics-class bullshit, for concealing millions of pounds in assets when he filed bankruptcy in 2017.  He had previously received a suspended sentence for violating insolvency law in Germany and probably expected another slap on the backhand.  

Amazon is losing money.  Apparently people would rather go shopping in the sunshine, and they invested big in an electric car company, Rivian, which stalled.  (See what I did there?)  Expect another increase in the Prime membership.  They already want us to pay an extra "fuel surcharge" for third-party sellers.  How long before Jeff Bezos rides in on a white horse to sort things out?

According to Politico there's trouble in the Free Dumb Caucus:  Despite a shared love for guns & Jesus, Empty Greene and Ptomaine Boebert despise each other.  At least once they had to be separated, which is a real shame because Greene spends most of her time in the gym and Boebert always carries a gun.  I don't know, smells like one of those Jack Benny-Fred Allen "feuds" for the sake of cheap publicity.  Prove me wrong.  Spill some blood.

"Patriots Arise" is the stirring name of a QAnon wingding held this week in Gettysburg, the little Pennsylvania town which has seen enough grief, you'd think.  They were addressed by Official Trump Spellcheck and Typist Liz Harrington, who called for the arrest of "those who broke election laws."  I'd go to ground if I were you, Mark Meadows.  Oh, no, wait, she means "those who voted for Biden."

Nice story!  Venezuelan asylum seeker Ordalis Heras had no money to get herself and her two children from Texas to New York, but then a miracle happened:  a bitter, twisted man named Abbott chartered a bus and sent them and some other people to Washington to troll the Democrats!  Mrs. Heras is so grateful.  The Biden administration made sure they were fed and cared for on the thirty-hour trip and Catholic Charities -- those satanic Catholics again! -- took it from there.  Bienvenidos a los Estados Unidos! 

 

 

Kristina Karamo.  Remember the name.  She most likely will not be Michigan's next secretary of state but she has a future as a Republican politician/Fox News regular/Russian propagandist.  That's because she is 1. Black, 2. A QCumber and 3. Able to identify "super crafty" Satan as the power behind Beyonce, Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande, Cardi B, and some Korean show where people talk to their ancestors and thereby insult Christianity, the One True Faith.  Candace Owens better watch her back.

If Trump really, really wants to prove he's not afraid of Putin, he can pull out his legendary comedy bit from 2016, mocking Serge Kovaleski, the disabled New York Times reporter.  Only now it's Putin who can't control his tremors as he greets Alexander Lukashenko.  But it's just as funny, right?  Maybe tonight in Nebraska, when he toasts fellow pussy-grabber and gubernatorial candidate Charles Herbster. 

 

 Don't be frightened -- it's just Ohio state rep Jean Schmidt, explaining why the "emotional scars" of rape don't give you a right to abort the result.  No, it's "an opportunity" for the woman "to make a determination to help that life be a productive human being."  All right, who threw water on her?

We end where we began, in the White House BS (Before Satan).  In a new book This Will Not Pass, my favorite governor Phil Murphy describes the roomful of made-in-China MAGA crap Trump kept next to the Oval Office.  He expected "the reciprocity" from governors who wanted covid help, but in return they could grab a shopping bag and fill it with the shoddy souvenirs that cost plenty at the Trumpstore.  I want the Melania "elegance & poise" figurine for just $99.99 (sorry, she's clothed).  He probably had to be argued out of charging the governors admission.