Coming at us from all sides

A nine-year-old girl was waiting at the mall in Victorville, California, to see the Easter Bunny when shots rang out and she was hit in the arm.   Shoe shop co-owner Marqel Cockrell had spotted a shoplifter and opened fire, forgetting that he was in California and not Texas.  The girl is recovering, the shooter was arrested in Nevada after fleeing the scene, and the shoes are long gone.  So what did that accomplish?

Frank James, the man arrested for shooting multiple people on a subway platform in Brooklyn, apparently ate lunch after the attack at Katz's Deli on Houston Street.  ("No-frills deli with theatrically cranky service serving mile-high sandwiches since 1888" it says on their web page.)  I can't even remember what I had for lunch Tuesday.  This is wrong.

Freedom of choice is very important in South Carolina, unless you are a woman with a functioning uterus.  The state legislature accordingly offers the condemned a choice of deaths, and Richard Moore has plumped for a firing squad instead of electrocution.  Perhaps he saw The Green Mile.  But really, two options?  What about the guillotine, or being chased off a cliff?  Is there no one who still knows how to do an efficient hanging?   "Painless" lethal injections are always ghastly, but what's wrong with hemlock?  Sometimes I'm embarrassed by my country's lack of imagination.

I don't know how much history Russian kids are allowed to learn but I'm sure the Great Patriotic War gets more attention than the humiliating 1905 defeat by Japan.  That was largely a naval war which ended with Japan in control of Korea and Manchuria and Russia in a revolutionary warm-up for 1917.  I thought of it because the Russian flagship cruiser Moskva was sunk on Wednesday -- the ship featured in this year's must-have commemorative stamp "Russian warship go fuck yourself."  The hit was confirmed by Turkish and Romanian vessels nearby.  "The Kremlin has not given any details on possible casualties," reports the Guardian, because life is as cheap in Putin's Russia as it was in Ivan the Terrible's.  

Or as "our partner Trump" joked about the ambush of four Americans in Niger, terrorism is "a rough business."  Sycophantic laughter ensued.

On trial for the attempted overthrow of the government on January 6, 2021, Dustin Thompson of Ohio was convicted when the jury didn't buy his "following presidential orders" defense.  In addition to obstruction, he stole a coatrack and a bottle of bourbon.  I hope it was good bourbon.

It's Ramadan, time for Israeli police to storm the Al-Aqsa Mosque again.  This happens every year -- Palestinians throw rocks in the general direction of the Western Wall and armed troops march in, this time injuring 150 people.  Yes, it's Holy Week.

Sean Hannity tried to get Trump to say that the war in Ukraine and the countless atrocities that ensued were in any way reprehensible, without success.  He's still as subservient to Vlad as his own pathetic sons are to him.  He's still mad at NATO, even as Finland and Sweden complete the paperwork for joining (fuck around and find out, Putin).  The farthest Trump will go is to insist Putin never would have dared invade if he were still president.  But wasn't it a smart, strong thing to do?  Read the country, Donzo -- most Americans want Biden to send the Marines.

I love Laurel and Hardy and so does Andre Moore-Gerald, apparently.  On his YouTube channel, which has an impressive 83 subscribers, Moore-Gerald ambushes people on the streets of Greenville, South Carolina, and pushes a plate of whipped cream in their faces.  Not being paid extras or in on the joke, these people have complained to the police, and now there's an arrest warrant out.  Not cool, Andre.  

What's this?  Multiple accusations of physical and psychological abuse at a church?  Specifically Hillsong NYC, described as "the Manhattan branch of the global megachurch" whose worshipers include Justin Bieber and Kevin Durant (is there nothing celebrities won't fall for?).  Dick pics, oral sex, assault, mental illness -- I'll wait for the Netflix documentary.

What's this?  Multiple accusations of unwanted groping and fondling by a Republican who wants to be governor of Nebraska?  Yeah, well, Andrew Cuomo!

The federal courthouse in Tallahassee was this close to being named after Judge Joseph W. Hatchett, the first Black Supreme Court justice in Florida, who died last year.  The bill was supported by Marco Rubio, Rick Scott and other impeccable Trumpanzees.  It was approved by the state's entire Congressional delegation.  And then -- it failed.  Allegedly because Justice Hatchett upheld a lower court's ruling against school prayer back in 1999.  Asked why he voted against a bill he co-sponsored, Vern Buchanan replied with exemplary honesty, "I don't know."  Because it certainly wasn't spite over the Republiklan's failure to keep Ketanji Brown Jackson off the Supreme Court.  Not at all.  Why do you woke leftist liberals have to make everything about race?

Denying medical care to people is about as low as it gets, or so I hope, but a number of states have enacted laws against offering gender-change treatment to minors.  This week help appeared from an unexpected source, when the US Air Force announced arrangements to "mitigate" the special needs of Air Force families in Republican-ruled states with medical, psychological and other counseling.  Thanks to Undersecretary of the Air Force Gina Ortiz Jones and Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin.  Suck it, Missouri.  Swallow it, Texas. 

Valerie Biden Owens, the President's sister, has written a book called Growing Up Biden.  She was in charge of redecorating the Oval Office and decided she wanted "everything Trump had touched" out.  She even wanted to replace the Resolute Desk with FDR's, but Hyde Park said no.  Not surprisingly, Owens has nothing good to say about Metamucilini, calling him "a bully, pure and simple -- a narcissistic, incompetent and incomplete man."  Very temperate, I thought.  Jimmy Carter's sister Ruth was a faith-healer and could have exorcised the place.   I wonder if it still smells of Big Mac farts.