The pendejo papers

 

Remember the Clinton impeachment?  It was on the news wall to wall for months.  For younger readers, President Bill Clinton engaged in White House shenanigans with a flirtatious intern named Monica Lewinsky and then lied about it.  The sky didn't exactly fall but I checked every morning to make sure it was still up there.  Very Serious People went on the TV to talk about how to explain to the children that boy presidents have wee-wees and sometimes use them to make Jesus cry.  "Slick Willie" jokes and blue dress references fell like hail on the faux-enraged and the rest of us alike.  The Clintons had to go on television and hold hands and talk about forgiveness, which resulted in still more abuse for Hillary because everything does.   The chief justice ordered a new toga for the trial.  An ethically dubious Papal Knight called Henry Hyde prosecuted.  And in the end, not much came of it.

Not much except to move the male member out of the shadows, so to speak, and give it a central place in political life.   The organ that dared not speak its name now looms as large as the Washington Monument, which no one had previously perceived as phallic.  Decades later Jeff Bezos got so stupid rich that he built a rocket which...well...

 

So when Ted Cruz demanded that Yale discipline students who disrupted an anti-LGBTQ hate rally, he was asking for it.  Cruz showed up in New Haven to record some podcast he runs and a student asked if he would fellate a man to end world hunger.  He quickly handed off his friend Knowles who said something about "consequentialist ethics," apparently a thing that "typical left-wing undergraduates" busy themselves with.  Ted should have chosen a campus with no ethics.  Liberty University is much closer to Washington.  We're still waiting for a definitive yes or no.  (The kid should have asked, "Would you bend over for Trump if it would end world hunger?  Or would you just encourage him to insult your wife and slander your father?"  Phrasing is everything.)

The Trump Bund are getting more brazen in their contempt for this country, if possible.  On the Lou Dobbs Drive-time Hour Empty Greene proclaimed that joining the military is "throwing your life away" because Joe Biden is commander-in-chief instead of "the most honest human being, perhaps, that god ever created, perhaps."  The one who stood next to a Gold Star father in Arlington and mused, "What was in it for them?"  This one.

Also the military make you take covid vaccine, along with about a dozen others.  Not to mention the "woke training" in the ideology of the "sick satanic left."  I hear Fort Dix has abandoned KP for CRT.

But what of the satanic right? I hear you ask.  And that known witch Kristi Noem?  Must be, because her attorney general and vehicular killer Jason Ravnsborg, freshly impeached by the Republican-controlled South Dakota legislature, says he's the victim of (what else?) a witch hunt.  Noem had called for his resignation, which certainly had nothing to do with his investigation of her daughter and a skeevy real estate license.  Instead of thanking the Lord Trump that he's not in jail for manslaughter, etc., Ravnsborg is playing the self-pity card.  Oh, look, they're both up for re-election on November 8.  Imagine that.

Greg Abbott also hates America but he's doing more than babble about it to Lou Dobbs.  He's got state officials inspecting trucks from Mexico after they've been inspected by US Customs because he's a flaming, skyrocketing asshole.  Loads of perishables are backed up for miles, along with auto parts and other goods.  Truckers who aren't being childish about vaccines but just trying to earn a living are stuck in hundred-degree heat for hours.  Why won't Biden fix supply lines and end inflation?  Is Abbott up for re-election?  Do you have to ask?

Two days ago in the Rose Garden, Joe Biden announced an executive order banning untraceable "ghost guns" and introducing his new ATF director.  Yesterday a man shot up a subway station in Brooklyn, injuring 29 people.  Today he was arrested, in part because police were able to trace the handgun he bought eleven years ago in Ohio.  The system works if we let it.