Defund the electoral college!

 It's Other Election Day.  Let's see what one candidate is up to.

1.  The nation's business.  "Oh no!  What is going on?   This is not good news, even for 'Indians'.  Cancel culture at work!"  This refers to a decision by the Cleveland baseball team to change its name to something less racist.  As national spokesman for racists, Trump needed to weigh in.  First they came for Chief Wahoo, but I was not a cartoon stereotype so I said nothing...

2.  Prison reform.  "Among others, I am considering a FULL PARDON for America's Dad, the great Bill Cosby who is in all likelihood totally innocent.  Sad we live in a country where great men like 'Dr' Cosby are in prison and crooked Hillary is not!"  As national spokesman for rapists...Wait, is he saying Cosby is not a real doctor?  I believe he holds an Ed. D., as does Jill Biden.   Only yesterday Joseph Epstein was attacking her for using the degree she earned when "Mrs." was good enough for every other presidential wife.  (For this and other outrages to decency, Northwestern University took down his page, so expect them to be attacked for "cancel culture" too.)  Back to Cosby.  Who are these other "great men" languishing in dungeons because some broad changed her mind about being drugged and assaulted?  I'll bet Roman Polanski's starry friends are burning up the White House switchboard as I type.

3.  American democracy.  In Michigan, hotbed of patriotism, Democratic electors are receiving armed escorts from their cars to the Capitol, while electors in other states are meeting in secret locations.  Meanwhile the loser's tiny thumbs fly over his keypad:  "dead people, below age people, illegal immigrants, fake signatures, prisoners...ballot harvesting, non-resident voters, fake ballots, "stuffing the ballot box", votes for pay...THIS ELECTION IS UNDER PROTEST!"  Complain all you want about that muffed play at third, this game is going into the record as a W for Biden/Harris.  If you don't believe me, talk to the nine umpires in the black robes.

(Wait till he sees this:

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It's the first two electoral votes in New York being cast by BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON!  What more evidence of ILLEGAL CORRUPT FRAUD!!! do you need?  And they're wearing masks so you can't see them grinning.  In Georgia the result was announced by governor-in-exile Stacey Abrams, who conspired with Brian Kemp, Brad Raffensperger, the Chinese Communist Party and George Soros to steal the state from Trump.  Long story, don't have time now.)  

4.  Public health.  As the death toll passes 300,000, health care workers and the at-risk are getting the first doses of Pfizer super-cooled vaccine.  Trump wanted some for the White House where everyone has already been infected, but was talked out of getting it himself because needles are ouchie.  There is as yet no vaccine suitable for snorting.