Unleash the chicken!

 Dear British people, can we borrow your Monster Raving Loony Party?  Actually just the name.  After this year I don't think "Republican" begins to describe America's conglomeration of the mad, the delusional, the feeble-minded and the seditious.  And unlike the group organized by Screaming Lord Sutch (RIP), I'm afraid ours is not satire.

In support of our request:  

We have a pandemic which is out of control.  Yesterday there were 200,000 new cases and 2,800 deaths, with 100,000 people in hospitals.  We break records every day.  Trump's contribution has been to harry the administrator of the FDA to approve vaccines faster while repeating the same lies he has used for almost a year.  For example, CNN interviewed Dr. Larry Keeperman, who runs a covid unit in a Nevada parking garage because the hospital upstairs is full; Trump pronounced it "fake news" and threw in another complaint about the state's election results.  Then he and his current wife announced no fewer than twenty-five indoor parties to spread the virus more effectively.  Neither of them gives a wet slap about Christmas -- the wife has said so -- but it's the last time they can "entertain" at someone else's expense.

Georgia is now the official vortex of crazy for the disappointed, the disgruntled and the disoriented of America's Loony Party.  A number of state officials are now receiving death threats for failing to somehow deliver the state to Trump.  The ballots were counted over and over like your gran checking her change at the greengrocers.  What lifts this into super-crazy loony territory is the number of Trump enablers urging local Loonies not to vote in the January Senate runoffs, especially not by mail.  Did I make clear that this is the Loony line?  Not everyone can see the magnificent logic in it -- for instance Bill Price of Florida has promised to register at his brother's Georgia address so he can vote for Perdue and Loeffler, and has urged other lawyers to do the same.  Did I mention that he's a lawyer?  For the moment.  

But so is Lucian Lincoln "Lin" Wood.  A Superlawyer, it says somewhere.  And he put on his MAGA hat and addressed a gathering of Loonies in Alpharetta (real place) and this is what he said:  "Perdue and Loeffler have not earned your vote!  Don't you give it to them!  Why would you go back and vote in another rigged election, for god's sake?  Fix it!  You gotta fix it!"  "It" being those fourteen electoral votes stolen from Trump by -- who's the scapegoat du jour?  Gabriel Sterling, the state's voting system manager.  A Republican, but by now Wood had the mob chanting "Lock him up!" about Brian Kemp, as he continued, "You listen up, Gabriel.  You're not going to sell our votes to China!"  China?  Forget it, he's rolling.  Joe Biden "would never set foot in the Oval Office of this country.  It will not happen on our watch.  Never gonna happen!"  Our watch?  Look, I'm down with lock-him-up-ing Brian Kemp for rigging the 2018 election but not this.  He must be wishing Stacy Abrams was on the incoming side of all this hate right now (imagine what they'd be chanting about her).  

All that noise woke up Newt Gingrich over in Italy where his current wife is ambassador to the Vatican -- is that a country? -- and he got on the Twitter to scold Wood and the other suicide bombers, but it was too late.  I hope.  While all this was happening, Trump's super lawyers were in Wisconsin  trying to interest a judge in their latest version of "Beach Ballot Bingo."  In Michigan Giuliani introduced star witness Mellissa Carone, who was a little nervous, I'm guessing, so he bought her a couple drinks first.  If she's like this cold sober, well, it's sad.

I was just thinking -- Venezuela, China, Germany, Serbia, who's missing?  And Roger Stone must have heard me because he went on the Alex Jones show to share "absolute incontrovertible evidence of North Korean boats delivering ballots through a harbor in Maine."  Why fucking not?  This set off Trump himself on a forty-six minute rant, not one word of it true, not even "and" or "the," and delivered behind a lectern because they're still refinishing the "beautiful Resolute Desk."  Wait till he finds out CNN showed a feature about howler monkeys instead.

Oh, and Barr?  He's a Deep State traitor.  

 

This guy said so, to Lou "My Hair's Always Been Ginger" Dobbs.  Dobbs thinks there's another explanation for why Barr won't join in the chorus of "Election Fraud":  "He may be personally distraught or ill."  Yeah, you and General Alzheimer are really qualified to make that call, Lou.  I'm going with distraught.  People hum "Elephant Walk" when he comes into the DOJ cafeteria and it makes him cry.  He has big bones, darn it!

In closing, British friends, you don't really need a Monster Raving Loony Party.  You have the Boris Tories.  We have Sidney Powell, Louie Gohmert and QAnon.  They're fuckbonkers.  Their cardies are short a button.  They couldn't organize a two-car funeral.  Special relationship, mates?