Call me maybe... not

 You couldn't write a better SNL opening.  Governor Doug Ducey called in the press to watch him certify the election result in Arizona, normally a non-newsworthy procedure he'd probably race through while eating lunch at his desk.  Just then the leader of his cult party called -- we know because the special ring tone played "Hail To the Chief."  Ducey picked up the phone, looked at the number and set it down.  Then he proceeded to affirm the state's eleven electoral votes for Joseph R. Biden, Jr.  

It goes without saying that Ducey got slammed via Twitter, but the visual said it all:  Even Republican governors have stopped taking Trump's calls.  In Georgia, Brian Kemp had to put out a stop-nagging-me statement because Trump keeps ordering him to match every ballot with the envelope it came in, which would be impossible without, I don't know, DNA testing?  The real news here is that Trump has finally admitted to making a mistake.  It's not encouraging violence, or allowing the pandemic to kill 269,000 Americans to date, or insulting every ally while kissing up to dictators, or even fathering Eric.  No, "I'm ashamed I endorsed him,"  he said of Kemp.  No pardon for you!

Right now Kemp does not appear to be in need of a pardon, but apparently they're Get Out Of Jail Free cards, to be held in the event of future legal trouble.  Giuliani has already asked his client for a "pre-emptive pardon," according to the New York Times, and Sean Hannity thinks Trump should pardon himself and his entire crime family.  (Barron is too young to crime but he could use it to get out of detention, or a trig exam.)  In the words of pardonee Rod Blagojevich, these things are golden, and I'm sure their monetary value has already been calculated.  We may soon find out how much money Bernie Madoff has socked away.

Even without Trump -- who's undermining the Loeffler and Perdue campaigns with his complaints about "rigged" voting -- Republicans are fighting one another like roosters and you just hate to see it, if you're out of popcorn.  In Ohio, four legislators have introduced articles of impeachment against Governor Mike DeWine because of his tyrannical orders to close some businesses and wear a mask, or as state representative John Becker dramatically put it, "muffle the voices of the people."  DeWine is lucky they're still talking impeachment and have not sent out for pitchforks and torches.  Joe DiGenova, at this hour still one of Trump's legal crew, says former cybersecurity specialist Christopher Krebs "should be drawn and quartered.  Taken out at dawn and shot" for the interview he gave Sixty Minutes.  The Barr Department -- I'm done calling it the Justice Department until January 21 -- wants to bring back firing squads, but all that disemboweling has never been our style.   I wonder if the Smithsonian has any gibbets in its collection.  Barr wouldn't fit, but Stephen Miller could share one with Jared.

Oh yes, while Princess supervises the contractors making their New Jersey mcmansion even more garish, Kushner is in Saudi Arabia seeking another loan bringing peace and stability as only he can.  (He read twenty-five books.)  What could go wrong?  The Saudis read the papers, too, and they know this fool will be replaced by a real diplomat in less than two months, so I assume they'll throw him a banquet and give him some souvenirs.  Two years ago Prince Mohammed bin Salman bragged of having Kushner "in his pocket," and now he can keep him with the rest of the crumbs.

This is the covid "hot spot" map that HHS does not want you to see.  I wonder why.

Kemp and Ducey got a brief respite this morning because it was Dr. Stephen Hahn's turn.  The FDA commissioner was ordered to the White House to explain why the already accelerated process for covid vaccine approval isn't faster still.  Donnie want NOW NOW NOW, or Bad Joe get credit!  Has Hahn been tweet-fired yet?  To be replaced by someone less disloyal, like Lara "I Can Too Be a Senator" Trump?  Nothing can be ruled out.