All very deranged

 It's Monday in America and some people are going about their business despite other people.  For example, Al Schmidt is one of three Philadelphia commissioners charged with counting the ballots cast a week ago.  He is also a Republican and he sounded surprised when he described the death threats he is getting:  "From the inside looking out, it feels all very deranged," he told Sixty Minutes.  Hey, it's your party, Al, cry if you want to.  Election officials all over the country are being subjected to the same thing.  So far, it's all noise and baseless lawsuits.  I'm sure you'll be fine.

Trump easily won South Dakota, but that didn't stop its governor from spreading the "illegal votes" lie yesterday, for which she was schooled by George Stephanopoulos.  Kristi Noem must be dreaming of higher office in a warmer climate.  

The Trump campaign decided the Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference didn't make them look ridiculous enough, so they set up a "voter fraud" hotline to solicit crimestopper tips about how Fox News and the rest of the liberal media totally got it wrong.  What they're getting are "disturbing unsolicited adult images" (dick pics, I'm guessing) and calls from people named Amanda Huggenkiss and Ivana Tinkle.  The trouble began when the Lincoln Project published their phone number.  Then those TikTok kids got involved and, well, who came up with this, Jared or Junior?

Matt Schlapp, who chairs the American Conservative Union, was the victim of one of those hoaxers.  He gathered the media in front of the Clark County Election Department to relay the news that a van marked BIDEN/HARRIS was seen, in broad daylight, unloading at least nine thousand ballots (or "ballots") from dead, underage and out-of-state people, by someone -- possibly Ben Dover or Andy Fascist -- who was so flabbergasted he forgot to take a picture.  But it definitely happened so Trump wins Nevada!   They should either stop the count or count more or maybe hold another election under the auspices of  angels in red-white-and-blue robes.

While all this street theater is entertaining, there are also serious ramifications of Trump's battle with reality:  Emily Murphy of the General Services Administration is withholding the paperwork the Biden people need to begin the transition.  It would provide money, office space and access to government officials, but Murphy is either a Trump die-hard or is afraid of being fired like Defense Secretary Mark Espy, who got canned this morning.  (Does it matter why?)  I remember when in 2001 the Bush people falsely claimed that Clinton's staff removed the Ws from all the computer keyboards in the White House.  It's going to be like that, only real this time.

Are you ready for some good news?  The scientists and experts at Pfizer say they have a covid vaccine that's 90 per cent effective, and they're ready to start human tests.  Are you ready for some goofy news?  Trump and Pence are taking credit for it, although the company did not use US tax dollars for research and development.  Are you ready for more goofy news?  Junior Trump is outraged:  "Nothing nefarious about the timing of this at all right?"  Yes, the multinational pharmaceutical giant is just another cog in the Deep State, totally dedicated to destroying The Greatest Daddy of All Time.  Shut the fuck up, Donnie.  Tragically, the vaccine will arrive too late for Doctor Ben Carson, who attended the White House Election Infection party last Tuesday.  American medical schools need to -- oh, what's the point?

But the best goofy news comes from the already-legendary Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference:  Extensive research (forty-second search) revealed that Mikell Brooks, the Republican poll-watcher Giuliani introduced, is a registered sex offender who's also behind on his child-support payments.  He doesn't even live in Pennsylvania.   Keep 'em coming, Rudolph!