Freedom
America is reopening, and the domestic terrorists are leading the way. A man with an assault weapon shot three people at the Westgate Entertainment District in Glendale, Arizona, while an "active shooter" at Corpus Christi Naval Air Station had to be "neutralized" over in Texas. Yesterday in Aurora, Colorado, a man shot a Waffle House employee who told him "No mask, no service," and I'm not sure what category to put that in, Covid Freedom or Second Amendment Freedom. Two people were shot on Bolivar Peninsula, Texas, where hundreds gathered for "Go Topless Jeep Weekend," which sounds highly Texan. In all these cases nobody died. Our shooters are a little rusty after the long layoff.
In South Dakota, three Sioux tribes are now operating checkpoints to keep outsiders from carrying coronavirus onto their reservations, and it seems to be working. Their rate of infection is much lower than that of the Navajo tribe further west. This does not sit well with Governor Kristi Noem (are you sure her name is not Karen?), who has initiated legal action and now wants the federal government to do something about these uppity redskins. She sent a four-page letter to Trump, who has yet to complain of its length as he did with Captain Crozier's; he probably hasn't read it, either.
Memorial Day was moved to the fourth Monday in May so people could enjoy a three-day weekend. This year it has been designated as the big Ignore the Coronavirus Day when all patriotic Americans will pour into public places and hope for the best. Wishful thinking worked for fourteenth century Europe, didn't it? Meanwhile Covid is racing across the South like Grant's army. For one example, Alabama Governor Ivey says, "We cannot sustain a delayed way of life," which is pretty funny since a significant portion of the state acts like it's still 1860. Additionally, the mayor of Montgomery notes that there is one ICU bed available in the city's two hospitals. Who will be the lucky winner of a ventilator?
But all the news is not grim. Behold the 75-foot statue of Elon Musk intended to lure Tesla to Tulsa. Why not just change the name of the city? If I'm not mistaken, a long-ago game show resulted in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Speaking of skeevy entrepreneurs, Martin Shkreli will not be getting out of prison to go and cure coronavirus, according to a judge who called him "delusional." So at least for now, there won't be a Shkreli, Idaho.
Black Americans are dying three times faster than white Americans from coronavirus, but I'm sure that has nothing to do with the haste to re-crowd the public spaces. "We still have a long way to go," says the director of WHO, reporting that the global infection number has passed five million. But what's the point of being the Exceptional Nation if you can't make it up as you go along?
As bad as the pandemic is here, you can believe (even without much daily coverage) that it's worse in the poor, war-ravaged parts of the world. But even in Cameroon, people have to choose to believe charlatans like Frankline Ndifor. Laying on of hands or shooting up with Clorox will kill you with equal efficiency. The difference between faith-healing and snake-handling is that only one is contagious.
May 25 is also Towel Day. Always know where your towel is and DON'T PANIC.
In South Dakota, three Sioux tribes are now operating checkpoints to keep outsiders from carrying coronavirus onto their reservations, and it seems to be working. Their rate of infection is much lower than that of the Navajo tribe further west. This does not sit well with Governor Kristi Noem (are you sure her name is not Karen?), who has initiated legal action and now wants the federal government to do something about these uppity redskins. She sent a four-page letter to Trump, who has yet to complain of its length as he did with Captain Crozier's; he probably hasn't read it, either.
Memorial Day was moved to the fourth Monday in May so people could enjoy a three-day weekend. This year it has been designated as the big Ignore the Coronavirus Day when all patriotic Americans will pour into public places and hope for the best. Wishful thinking worked for fourteenth century Europe, didn't it? Meanwhile Covid is racing across the South like Grant's army. For one example, Alabama Governor Ivey says, "We cannot sustain a delayed way of life," which is pretty funny since a significant portion of the state acts like it's still 1860. Additionally, the mayor of Montgomery notes that there is one ICU bed available in the city's two hospitals. Who will be the lucky winner of a ventilator?
But all the news is not grim. Behold the 75-foot statue of Elon Musk intended to lure Tesla to Tulsa. Why not just change the name of the city? If I'm not mistaken, a long-ago game show resulted in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Speaking of skeevy entrepreneurs, Martin Shkreli will not be getting out of prison to go and cure coronavirus, according to a judge who called him "delusional." So at least for now, there won't be a Shkreli, Idaho.
Black Americans are dying three times faster than white Americans from coronavirus, but I'm sure that has nothing to do with the haste to re-crowd the public spaces. "We still have a long way to go," says the director of WHO, reporting that the global infection number has passed five million. But what's the point of being the Exceptional Nation if you can't make it up as you go along?
As bad as the pandemic is here, you can believe (even without much daily coverage) that it's worse in the poor, war-ravaged parts of the world. But even in Cameroon, people have to choose to believe charlatans like Frankline Ndifor. Laying on of hands or shooting up with Clorox will kill you with equal efficiency. The difference between faith-healing and snake-handling is that only one is contagious.
May 25 is also Towel Day. Always know where your towel is and DON'T PANIC.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 3:26 PM
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