Full of woe
This used to be called Hump Day, back in the time of legends when people went "out" to work in "offices." Now it's just Wednesday.
When we last heard about the good folks at Hobby Lobby, they had just learned that their precious scraps of Dead Sea Scroll were actually shoe leather. Now it turns out the authentic antiquities they buy are hot, like the Gilgamesh Dream Tablet looted from the Baghdad Museum while the victorious Americans were being distracted with candy and flowers. The Green family are out $1.6 million plus a $3 million fine, which is a lot of yarn and plastic beads. Might want to talk to some legitimate dealers before they wind up with a fake Renoir.
In other art news, Trump will not be unveiling the official portrait of Barack Obama in the East Room of the White House, as has been done since 1980 -- hardly a venerable tradition but a nice display of respect. For his part, Obama says he doesn't care to visit until the place has been swept for bugs, both six-legged and Russian. If that painting turns up with a Sharpie mustache in the style of Adolf Hitler, it won't be much of a mystery.
Another inspector general shown the door, this one at the Department of Transportation. He was looking into an enormous grant to Boone County, Kentucky, by Secretary Elaine Chao, a/k/a Mrs. Moscow Mitch. Some are saying political favoritism was involved, but I guess one of them won't be saying it anymore.
In the deliriously corrupt state of Georgia, the governor just up and cancelled an election for state Supreme Court because the seat was in danger of being filled by a Democrat. Finally Brian Kemp will get his diploma from the Vladimir Putin School of Government.
Trump. Proud that USA leads world with 1.5 million coronavirus cases. May not understand that sickness and death are bad. May throw parade when (not if) 100,000 die. Wants to cut funding for states that allow voting by mail. Knows democracy is bad for Republicans. Still won't wear a mask tomorrow while lumbering around a Ford factory in Michigan, because it would muffle his blaming Governor Whitmer for today's dam failures. Last year the US birth rate was the lowest in 35 years. No tweets yet blaming Obama or Roe v. Wade, but it's only 3:30 EDT. Enough about Trump.
In WTF news, a salvage company has been given permission to cut into the hull of the Titanic and recover its Marconi telegraph, an artifact the world has managed to do without for (counts on fingers) 108 years. It sounds like quite a job. Perhaps James Cameron will make a movie.
Zacarias Moussaoui, the only person convicted of the crimes of September 11, says he has renounced terrorism, specifically "Osama bin Laden as a useful idiot of the CIA/Saudi." I'd say this calls for another investigation, eh, Lindsey? Lindsey? Hello, switchboard? Something wrong with Senator Graham's phone.
But his emails! The Senate Homeland Security and Government Affairs Committee has opened an investigation into Hunter Biden and Burisma. I did not see that coming, as I have been in a medically induced coma. (I wish.)
The Satere-Mawe people live in the Amazon and are getting as much help from Bolsonaro (the Samba Trump) as the Navajo are from the Great Orange Father. So they have turned to bark, honey and native plants to create natural remedies. Probably less dangerous than Hydroxybonermagic 3000 (thanks, Evan).
The National Guard's coronavirus deployment will end on June 24, one day before thousands of members would qualify for retirement and other benefits. We love our front-line first responders! We just don't want to spend good money on them, when it could go for...
WALL! What, you thought they forgot about that? Fisher Sand and Gravel snagged a $1.3 billion contract to build just 42 miles of it after the CEO slobbered over Trump on Fox News. The company already had a $300 million contract that was being investigated by the Defense Department's inspector general, but I assume he or she has also beenpurged fired.
Is it too early to offer congratulations to Senator Jeff Merkley? It looks like he'll be running against a gen-you-wine QAnon foot soldier in the shape of Jo Rae Perkins. She has pledged her love to "God, President Trump and Q!" so Oregonians have six months to familiarize themselves with the fruitiest conspiracy theory since the Protocols and vote accordingly. By mail.
"I don't want to get down in the mud with these guys," said Joe Biden in response to Junior Trump calling him a pedophile. Allow me, Mr. Vice President. Don't be too hard on the Trump boys. They grew up watching their father boink their sister and they're seriously messed up. What? What? We've all seen the grope shots. And with great respect for Mrs. Obama, this election is too important to go high when they go low. High doesn't work. Hit hard and often. You'll have less mud on you if you throw it back.
When we last heard about the good folks at Hobby Lobby, they had just learned that their precious scraps of Dead Sea Scroll were actually shoe leather. Now it turns out the authentic antiquities they buy are hot, like the Gilgamesh Dream Tablet looted from the Baghdad Museum while the victorious Americans were being distracted with candy and flowers. The Green family are out $1.6 million plus a $3 million fine, which is a lot of yarn and plastic beads. Might want to talk to some legitimate dealers before they wind up with a fake Renoir.
In other art news, Trump will not be unveiling the official portrait of Barack Obama in the East Room of the White House, as has been done since 1980 -- hardly a venerable tradition but a nice display of respect. For his part, Obama says he doesn't care to visit until the place has been swept for bugs, both six-legged and Russian. If that painting turns up with a Sharpie mustache in the style of Adolf Hitler, it won't be much of a mystery.
Another inspector general shown the door, this one at the Department of Transportation. He was looking into an enormous grant to Boone County, Kentucky, by Secretary Elaine Chao, a/k/a Mrs. Moscow Mitch. Some are saying political favoritism was involved, but I guess one of them won't be saying it anymore.
In the deliriously corrupt state of Georgia, the governor just up and cancelled an election for state Supreme Court because the seat was in danger of being filled by a Democrat. Finally Brian Kemp will get his diploma from the Vladimir Putin School of Government.
Trump. Proud that USA leads world with 1.5 million coronavirus cases. May not understand that sickness and death are bad. May throw parade when (not if) 100,000 die. Wants to cut funding for states that allow voting by mail. Knows democracy is bad for Republicans. Still won't wear a mask tomorrow while lumbering around a Ford factory in Michigan, because it would muffle his blaming Governor Whitmer for today's dam failures. Last year the US birth rate was the lowest in 35 years. No tweets yet blaming Obama or Roe v. Wade, but it's only 3:30 EDT. Enough about Trump.
In WTF news, a salvage company has been given permission to cut into the hull of the Titanic and recover its Marconi telegraph, an artifact the world has managed to do without for (counts on fingers) 108 years. It sounds like quite a job. Perhaps James Cameron will make a movie.
Zacarias Moussaoui, the only person convicted of the crimes of September 11, says he has renounced terrorism, specifically "Osama bin Laden as a useful idiot of the CIA/Saudi." I'd say this calls for another investigation, eh, Lindsey? Lindsey? Hello, switchboard? Something wrong with Senator Graham's phone.
But his emails! The Senate Homeland Security and Government Affairs Committee has opened an investigation into Hunter Biden and Burisma. I did not see that coming, as I have been in a medically induced coma. (I wish.)
The Satere-Mawe people live in the Amazon and are getting as much help from Bolsonaro (the Samba Trump) as the Navajo are from the Great Orange Father. So they have turned to bark, honey and native plants to create natural remedies. Probably less dangerous than Hydroxybonermagic 3000 (thanks, Evan).
The National Guard's coronavirus deployment will end on June 24, one day before thousands of members would qualify for retirement and other benefits. We love our front-line first responders! We just don't want to spend good money on them, when it could go for...
WALL! What, you thought they forgot about that? Fisher Sand and Gravel snagged a $1.3 billion contract to build just 42 miles of it after the CEO slobbered over Trump on Fox News. The company already had a $300 million contract that was being investigated by the Defense Department's inspector general, but I assume he or she has also been
Is it too early to offer congratulations to Senator Jeff Merkley? It looks like he'll be running against a gen-you-wine QAnon foot soldier in the shape of Jo Rae Perkins. She has pledged her love to "God, President Trump and Q!" so Oregonians have six months to familiarize themselves with the fruitiest conspiracy theory since the Protocols and vote accordingly. By mail.
"I don't want to get down in the mud with these guys," said Joe Biden in response to Junior Trump calling him a pedophile. Allow me, Mr. Vice President. Don't be too hard on the Trump boys. They grew up watching their father boink their sister and they're seriously messed up. What? What? We've all seen the grope shots. And with great respect for Mrs. Obama, this election is too important to go high when they go low. High doesn't work. Hit hard and often. You'll have less mud on you if you throw it back.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 1:49 PM
2 Comments:
"Trump....Wants to cut funding for states that allow voting by mail. "
Not true. He only wants to cut funding for states that tend to vote Democratic by mail. No objection whatsoever to Republican states doing so. See, the difference is, um, the difference is, uh....oh, do I really have to explain this?
Yours crankily,
The New York Crank
No explanation needed. BTW, the Trumps and Kushners voted by mail in the New York mayoral election of 2017 -- sort of. Donald invalidated his ballot by getting his birth date wrong, Melania forgot to sign hers, Ivanka mailed it too late and Jared couldn't be bothered. See? Mail voting doesn't work.
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