Obamagate Netflixgate Billingsgate
After three-and-a-half years of being blamed for everything from COVID-19 to excessive golfing, Barack Obama had had enough. He didn't activate his Twitter account for an afternoon of primal screaming, not that anyone would blame him. He didn't call in the media and rant about unfairness. He made a conference call to members of his administration, urging them to work really hard to elect Joe Biden. He used the words "absolute chaotic disaster" to describe the present regime's coronavirus clusterfuck, and he warned that dropping the charges against Michael Flynn threatened the rule of law. Measured, calm, articulate -- you remember what a real president sounded like.
Obama must have known someone would leak the call. Maybe at some level he wondered what effect it would have on Depraved Donnie, still "lava level mad" because someone may have breathed viruses onto his lunch. Yesterday we found out: a single "word" OBAMAGATE! to alert the Trumpanzees to STAND BY FOR VERY IMPORTANT COMMUNIQUE.
This was followed by a retweet from someone called Michael Nothem, who uses an umlaut I can't reproduce because I'm not writing in German. Nothem went on to accuse Barack Hussain [sic] Obama of being "the first Ex-President to ever speak against his successor."* Outrageous. Other retweets followed, festooned with phrases like "cosmically preposterous" (can I steal that?) and "Sally Yates is the real blackmailer" (no, thanks), and a pitch for a book by someone called John Solomon which will rip the lid off...well, whatever. Along the way Trump found time to repeat his attack on Columbia University for handing out Pulitzer Prizes to these so-called journalists who consistently fail to praise him.
He was just getting his tiny thumbs flexed.
Adam Schiff (something very bad is about to happen to him), Chuck Todd, Gavin Newsom, Joe Biden, after a while he was just retweeting himself retweeting somebody else. If Hitler had a Smartphone in the bunker it would read like this, but with more umlauts. And more capitalized nouns. And then...
"HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!"
Help us, coronavirus, you're our only hope.
*Wrong. For only one example, Theodore Roosevelt was scathing in criticizing Woodrow Wilson for hesitating to take the United States into World War I after the sinking of the Lusitania.
Obama must have known someone would leak the call. Maybe at some level he wondered what effect it would have on Depraved Donnie, still "lava level mad" because someone may have breathed viruses onto his lunch. Yesterday we found out: a single "word" OBAMAGATE! to alert the Trumpanzees to STAND BY FOR VERY IMPORTANT COMMUNIQUE.
This was followed by a retweet from someone called Michael Nothem, who uses an umlaut I can't reproduce because I'm not writing in German. Nothem went on to accuse Barack Hussain [sic] Obama of being "the first Ex-President to ever speak against his successor."* Outrageous. Other retweets followed, festooned with phrases like "cosmically preposterous" (can I steal that?) and "Sally Yates is the real blackmailer" (no, thanks), and a pitch for a book by someone called John Solomon which will rip the lid off...well, whatever. Along the way Trump found time to repeat his attack on Columbia University for handing out Pulitzer Prizes to these so-called journalists who consistently fail to praise him.
He was just getting his tiny thumbs flexed.
Adam Schiff (something very bad is about to happen to him), Chuck Todd, Gavin Newsom, Joe Biden, after a while he was just retweeting himself retweeting somebody else. If Hitler had a Smartphone in the bunker it would read like this, but with more umlauts. And more capitalized nouns. And then...
"HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!"
Help us, coronavirus, you're our only hope.
*Wrong. For only one example, Theodore Roosevelt was scathing in criticizing Woodrow Wilson for hesitating to take the United States into World War I after the sinking of the Lusitania.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 3:15 PM
1 Comments:
Looks like you need an umlaut lesson. For those not in the know, an umlaut consists of the yolks of two fried eggs (as opposed to scrambled) above a letter. Like this: ö.
To prepare an umlaut, type the vowel you want to place below an umlaut. For the sake of argument, let's make it e. Type the letter, but press down and hold the letter key. A group of punctuation marks not customarily used in English will appear. Click on the umlaut and it will appear in your text above the letter. Like this: ë. Or if you are umlauting an o, like this: ö.
Or if you like to spice up your breakfast, instead of an umlaut you can have a this: ô. Or this: ò. Or this: ò. Or this: ó. Even this: œ, or this ø. Or this: õ. Or...well, you get the idea.
Remember, umlauts are best when served with toast, jam, and fruits high in fiber and anti-oxidents.
Ÿöūrs vérÿ çrâñkïlÿ,
Thè Ñėw Ÿôrk Çránk
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