The lighter side of the news
Indulge me. I love this stuff.
Neil Ferguson, who I gather is sort of the Anthony Fauci of Britain, broke his own social-distancing rules for a visit from his (married) girlfriend. The Irish Times is deeply disapproving: "When a scientist's love life is bigger news than Covid-19 deaths, something is wrong," it huffs. Directly below this takedown of the tabloids across the Irish Sea, there's a headline that says "Am I the only one who thinks Adele looked better before?" Apparently the chanteuse has lost some weight. Trivia -- how does it work?
A water buffalo killed businessman Ralph "Jon" Jump and injured two of his adult children as he attempted to herd it into a pen. This happened in Wales. He raised them as a sideline, producing craft soap from buffalo milk. In a world where people purchase candles that purport to smell like Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina, I am past being surprised.
The Artemis Accords, or How We Learned To Stop Worrying About the Earth and Start Making the Moon Look Like West Virginia. They want to mine it. Also, privatize the International Space Station (apparently Jared got some interest from Prince Bone Saw, Elon Musk, or both).
Belgian researchers think antibodies from a llama named Winter could neutralize coronavirus as they do the viruses that cause MERS and SARS. Will Trump tweet that everyone should buy a llama? Stay tuned.
A five-year-old boy was pulled over by police outside Ogden and said he was on his way to California to buy a Lamborghini. It's disgraceful that there is still no Lamborghini dealership in Utah.
The algae-rich sea off Southern California is attracting attention with a spectacular blue display of nocturnal bioluminescence. Awesome.
Two doctors and now a paramedic named Alexander Shulepov have fallen from the windows of Russian hospitals in the past week, after complaining about working conditions. At the present rate of attrition, Russia will need help from Doctors Without Borders But With Parachutes by July.
Egyptian filmmaker Shady Habash has died in a Cairo prison after having "mistakenly drunk hand sanitizer...thinking it was water." Sure, if that's your story. Habash is the latest political prisoner to die in recent months, including Mustafa Kassem, a U.S. citizen, and the last democratically elected president Mohamed Morsi.
As Trump waddled around a Honeywell factory making N95 masks, wearing plastic goggles but no mask, the PA system blared the Guns N' Roses cover of "Live and Let Die." This is considered the best musical burn since the band of the Coldstream Guards played the Imperial March from Star Wars for King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia on a visit to London in 2007.
Brian Kemp may not be as dumb as he looks, sounds and acts. While Georgia is open for all kinds of business including morbidity and mortality, the Governor's Mansion remains closed to visitors. The docents who lead tours are "medically fragile and very elderly people," and he's just concerned for them. What a guy. Georgia has 30,000 confirmed cases and 1,300 deaths, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Since locked-down New York no longer needs it, perhaps USNS Comfort will soon dock in Savannah.
Trouble in paradise? Sean Hannity criticized the armed rioters in Lansing, saying these very fine people "put our police at risk." LIBERATE FOX NEWS! It's not surprising Trump is cutting the cord, giving Junior an advance on his allowance to invest in One America News Network ("Not Your Grandfather's Racism Anymore").
And finally, I promise: Jim Bakker is crying "FIRST AMENDMENT," because the toxic crap he sells for Covid is "divinely inspired" and the attorney general of Missouri is violating his religious freedom by trying to keep the state's residents from poisoning themselves. Also, it now cures HIV. But will it wash away the gay? No, for that you need the Blood of the Lamb, only $79.98, all major credit cards accepted.
Neil Ferguson, who I gather is sort of the Anthony Fauci of Britain, broke his own social-distancing rules for a visit from his (married) girlfriend. The Irish Times is deeply disapproving: "When a scientist's love life is bigger news than Covid-19 deaths, something is wrong," it huffs. Directly below this takedown of the tabloids across the Irish Sea, there's a headline that says "Am I the only one who thinks Adele looked better before?" Apparently the chanteuse has lost some weight. Trivia -- how does it work?
A water buffalo killed businessman Ralph "Jon" Jump and injured two of his adult children as he attempted to herd it into a pen. This happened in Wales. He raised them as a sideline, producing craft soap from buffalo milk. In a world where people purchase candles that purport to smell like Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina, I am past being surprised.
The Artemis Accords, or How We Learned To Stop Worrying About the Earth and Start Making the Moon Look Like West Virginia. They want to mine it. Also, privatize the International Space Station (apparently Jared got some interest from Prince Bone Saw, Elon Musk, or both).
Belgian researchers think antibodies from a llama named Winter could neutralize coronavirus as they do the viruses that cause MERS and SARS. Will Trump tweet that everyone should buy a llama? Stay tuned.
A five-year-old boy was pulled over by police outside Ogden and said he was on his way to California to buy a Lamborghini. It's disgraceful that there is still no Lamborghini dealership in Utah.
The algae-rich sea off Southern California is attracting attention with a spectacular blue display of nocturnal bioluminescence. Awesome.
Two doctors and now a paramedic named Alexander Shulepov have fallen from the windows of Russian hospitals in the past week, after complaining about working conditions. At the present rate of attrition, Russia will need help from Doctors Without Borders But With Parachutes by July.
Egyptian filmmaker Shady Habash has died in a Cairo prison after having "mistakenly drunk hand sanitizer...thinking it was water." Sure, if that's your story. Habash is the latest political prisoner to die in recent months, including Mustafa Kassem, a U.S. citizen, and the last democratically elected president Mohamed Morsi.
As Trump waddled around a Honeywell factory making N95 masks, wearing plastic goggles but no mask, the PA system blared the Guns N' Roses cover of "Live and Let Die." This is considered the best musical burn since the band of the Coldstream Guards played the Imperial March from Star Wars for King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia on a visit to London in 2007.
Brian Kemp may not be as dumb as he looks, sounds and acts. While Georgia is open for all kinds of business including morbidity and mortality, the Governor's Mansion remains closed to visitors. The docents who lead tours are "medically fragile and very elderly people," and he's just concerned for them. What a guy. Georgia has 30,000 confirmed cases and 1,300 deaths, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Since locked-down New York no longer needs it, perhaps USNS Comfort will soon dock in Savannah.
Trouble in paradise? Sean Hannity criticized the armed rioters in Lansing, saying these very fine people "put our police at risk." LIBERATE FOX NEWS! It's not surprising Trump is cutting the cord, giving Junior an advance on his allowance to invest in One America News Network ("Not Your Grandfather's Racism Anymore").
And finally, I promise: Jim Bakker is crying "FIRST AMENDMENT," because the toxic crap he sells for Covid is "divinely inspired" and the attorney general of Missouri is violating his religious freedom by trying to keep the state's residents from poisoning themselves. Also, it now cures HIV. But will it wash away the gay? No, for that you need the Blood of the Lamb, only $79.98, all major credit cards accepted.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 1:59 PM
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