Let's pretend
It's a Saturday in early spring, the pollen is worse than usual, the kids are reveling in a day out of school, and this is the news that would be obsessing us:
Kennedy tragedy: the daughter and grandson of Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, former lieutenant governor of Maryland, have apparently died in a canoeing accident.
Kobe Bryant has been posthumously elected to the basketball Hall of Fame.
Wacky news: Turkey is battling an infestation of stinkbugs which threatens the world's supply of hazelnuts.
Environmental happy talk: A report in Nature says that if we work flat-out, the oceans can be restored to full health in thirty years.
A man who said he was Sudanese killed two people and wounded four others with a knife in Romans-sur-Isere, France.
Of course, the intriguing part of that last item is how the man found six people on the street. Apparently they were waiting outside a bakery; the French must have their fresh baguettes even as the world staggers. Millions can only dream of going outside, and many must be ready to run amok with a knife, a bat, a baguette, anything. But as President -- I'm deeply sorry -- as Governor Cuomo observed yesterday morning, traffic accidents, shootings and other traumas are way down in New York, which is why both the Javits Center and Comfort will be receiving coronavirus cases. I love to get good news.
As for the actual president, according to the electoral college, here he is making a funny at today's scaled-down campaign rally:
"The models show hundreds of thousands of people are going to die. You know what I want to do? I want to come way under the model. The professionals did the models. I was never involved in a model -- at least, this kind of a model."
It's a pun! A play on words. I'm not sure if it's on "models" or "come," but it's a side-splitter. And only two days ago I accused Shecky Trump of being humorless. Those corrupt, lying reporters didn't even smile. At a normal rally, the MAGAts would be pissing themselves.
About 8,100 Americans have died of COVID-19, if anybody cares.
More than 300,000 have the disease but no one knows how many are infected, because our testing is so far behind the advanced countries'.
Sitting down to a nice cold helping of revenge, Trump did manage to fire intelligence community inspector general Michael Atkinson, the man who alerted Congress to the Ukraine chicanery last year. Because the closer Joe Biden gets to the nomination, the more desperately he needs something about Hunter Biden that at least looks shady, and he's convinced it's somewhere in Ukraine along with the DNC's emails and the secret baby-parts pizzeria. And now our special guest Senator Susan Collins, to tell us how he's "learned his lesson."
Just kidding. Go away, Susan.
Name the speaker: "The notion of the federal stockpile was it's supposed to be our stockpile. It's not supposed to be states' stockpile that they then use." Not Trump! That was Jared Kushner, the son he wishes he had, and "our" is Trump and anybody he designates. I feel safer already, because "We've done things that the federal government has never done before." No argument. As long as slumlord-in-law is taking the heat and the hate, maybe his father will get that pardon before Papa leaves office/dies. See, I'm being charitable. I want credit for that.
If you haven't seen the crew of the Theodore Roosevelt bidding farewell to Captain Crozier, see it now. It's all right to cry. Then back to the fight.
Kennedy tragedy: the daughter and grandson of Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, former lieutenant governor of Maryland, have apparently died in a canoeing accident.
Kobe Bryant has been posthumously elected to the basketball Hall of Fame.
Wacky news: Turkey is battling an infestation of stinkbugs which threatens the world's supply of hazelnuts.
Environmental happy talk: A report in Nature says that if we work flat-out, the oceans can be restored to full health in thirty years.
A man who said he was Sudanese killed two people and wounded four others with a knife in Romans-sur-Isere, France.
Of course, the intriguing part of that last item is how the man found six people on the street. Apparently they were waiting outside a bakery; the French must have their fresh baguettes even as the world staggers. Millions can only dream of going outside, and many must be ready to run amok with a knife, a bat, a baguette, anything. But as President -- I'm deeply sorry -- as Governor Cuomo observed yesterday morning, traffic accidents, shootings and other traumas are way down in New York, which is why both the Javits Center and Comfort will be receiving coronavirus cases. I love to get good news.
As for the actual president, according to the electoral college, here he is making a funny at today's scaled-down campaign rally:
"The models show hundreds of thousands of people are going to die. You know what I want to do? I want to come way under the model. The professionals did the models. I was never involved in a model -- at least, this kind of a model."
It's a pun! A play on words. I'm not sure if it's on "models" or "come," but it's a side-splitter. And only two days ago I accused Shecky Trump of being humorless. Those corrupt, lying reporters didn't even smile. At a normal rally, the MAGAts would be pissing themselves.
About 8,100 Americans have died of COVID-19, if anybody cares.
More than 300,000 have the disease but no one knows how many are infected, because our testing is so far behind the advanced countries'.
Sitting down to a nice cold helping of revenge, Trump did manage to fire intelligence community inspector general Michael Atkinson, the man who alerted Congress to the Ukraine chicanery last year. Because the closer Joe Biden gets to the nomination, the more desperately he needs something about Hunter Biden that at least looks shady, and he's convinced it's somewhere in Ukraine along with the DNC's emails and the secret baby-parts pizzeria. And now our special guest Senator Susan Collins, to tell us how he's "learned his lesson."
Just kidding. Go away, Susan.
Name the speaker: "The notion of the federal stockpile was it's supposed to be our stockpile. It's not supposed to be states' stockpile that they then use." Not Trump! That was Jared Kushner, the son he wishes he had, and "our" is Trump and anybody he designates. I feel safer already, because "We've done things that the federal government has never done before." No argument. As long as slumlord-in-law is taking the heat and the hate, maybe his father will get that pardon before Papa leaves office/dies. See, I'm being charitable. I want credit for that.
If you haven't seen the crew of the Theodore Roosevelt bidding farewell to Captain Crozier, see it now. It's all right to cry. Then back to the fight.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 2:59 PM
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