Immanentizing the eschaton

In Turtlecreek Township, Ohio, which is a completely real place, Solid Rock Church held its regular services on Sunday.  Ignoring pleas from the governor, hundreds showed up.  They were not alone in defying the coronavirus -- churches all over the country were open for business.  The consensus seems to be that taking this disease seriously demonstrates a lack of faith, whether in God or Trump is not clear.  The laying on of possibly virus-infested hands was often a feature.  The only conclusion I can draw is that they are tired of waiting.

Believers have been awaiting the return of their messiah for two millennia, with frequent outbreaks of zeal followed by disappointment.  Now they are determined to jump-start the Rapture, where they all get to meet Jesus at the same time.  This is a perhaps never-to-be-repeated chance for the rest of us to have a civilization in America at long last.  As long as they don't infect the innocent.

And don't forget your president!  He's still here, making things worse with every noise that escapes his orange face.  I know he'll want to rapturize too, being such a deep-dish Christian.  No serious medical professional above the rank of candy-striper thinks this pandemic will end soon, but Trump is convinced the war will be over by Easter.  ("I think Easter Sunday and you'll have packed churches all over our country.  I think it would be a beautiful time.  And it's just about the timeline I think is right.")  The First Escort has not announced the resumption of the White House Easter Egg thing, but she's probably busy supervising her Palais de Tennis.  Of course, the haters say it's the economy he cares about, but what else did you expect?  They can go to hell.

By far the most cases of COVID-19 are in New York, where Trump used to live, but some people have noticed that Florida, where he lives now, requested emergency supplies from the federal government on March 11 and got everything they asked for in three days.  Other states, like Oregon and New Jersey, have received something like ten percent.  In other words, just because he doesn't pull out that electoral-vote map every few days doesn't mean he has stopped consulting it.  He also demands praise and gratitude from the governors, singling out Andrew Cuomo for insufficient groveling.  It must be a Christian thing; I don't get it.

It's not as though he does nothing but snarl at reporters and encourage people to swallow aquarium  cleaner.  He got on the phone to President Moon Jae-in of South Korea to beg for request test kits, since they can spare them (they seem to have a good bead on this thing).  Then he got on the phone to Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council for a much longer call about how vital his re-election would be.  President Moon didn't bring up that unpleasantness about the Oscars -- was it only last month? -- and Perkins agreed that politics is much more important than some trivial pandemic.  So, a good day's work.  Ice cream!

The America First Action group seems to agree.  Their lawyers have sent a stern letter to TV stations in several swing states demanding that they stop running an ad from Priorities USA which is essentially a medley of Trump's Greatest Lying Hits about the pandemic, including "Hoax!" "Like a Miracle (It's Gonna Disappear)," "We Did One of the Great Jobs," sing along, you know the words.  So far the response from station managers has been, "Bugger off."   Another PAC, Unite the Country,
has produced a similar ad, but Trump will never see himself compared unfavorably to every Republican president since Reagan because Fox News refuses to carry it.  That should save a few of the $18 million Mike Bloomberg gave the Democratic Party.  Say what you like, he's not a sorehead.

Dr. Anthony Fauci re-appeared at tonight's Trump campaign event (come on, you knew that).  He sounds hoarse but it was good to see him.  Trump can't fire him because he can't do without him.  That might be all the satisfaction we get for a while.