Monday, April 06, 2020

Eight days a week

Seven lions and tigers in the Bronx Zoo have tested positive for coronavirus.  I don't know why this should surprise anyone, as the virus is thought to have originated in bats, but it still feels sinister.  If coronavirus can pass effortlessly between species, what good does it do to wash your hands?  Most people are in closer proximity to their cats, dogs, etc., than a zookeeper to a tiger.  Must this relationship change radically?  This development takes on extra significance because Americans have been fostering shelter animals in great numbers, to provide companionship for themselves and their children while isolated at home.

The Queen's brief speech is getting so much positive comment that I'm surprised we haven't been treated to jealous sniping from her "good friend" Trump.  This pandemic is putting him way behind on his Twitter malice.

At this morning's briefing, Governor Cuomo got a weird question about graves being dug in Central Park.  He was polite but puzzled.  I guess he hasn't heard about the tunnels full of mole children being rescued by Navy SEALS.  Of course, as a Democrat, he probably gets invited to feast on their adrenal glands, so he has to play dumb.  In this crazy world, QAnon conspiracy theories may be all the mad have left.  Here's another of their heroes.  Brings a train to a ship fight.

Grocery workers are finally getting some respect -- even a shout-out from the Pope yesterday -- and all it took was 73,000+ dead world-wide.  Next up:  the people who come legally from Mexico to pick our crops, who are currently being kept out.  Maybe when lettuce is ten dollars a head.

Hilton and American Express are making a million of their empty hotel rooms available free to healthcare workers.  Any other hotels stepping up?  Anyone?

It could be June before out-of-work Americans see their "stimulus" money, but you'd be astonished how fast the Treasury Department can move when necessary:  The Secret Service signed an "emergency order" to rent thirty golf carts for Trump's Virginia country club.  So that's his ass accommodated until September.

After weeks of refusing to consider the Defense Production Act because the free market can solve all problems, the government has invoked it to stop three million specialized face masks from being shipped to Ontario from the 3M facility in South Dakota.  Even Doug Ford doesn't deserve that, and Ontario's nurses and doctors certainly don't.  Fifty-three doctors in Quetta, Pakistan, were arrested for protesting the lack of protective equipment.  That should help.

Call it QAnon UK.  British numties are attacking phone masts because somebody started a rumor that the new 5G network being installed by the Chinese company Huawei is responsible for the coronavirus.  And you wondered what Ukip does between elections.

Enough.  I'm tired.  If these Irish harpists don't raise your spirits, I wouldn't worry about COVID.  You are already dead.

Thomas Modly, Acting Secretary of the Navy (which means he was too incompetent or too dirty to be confirmed even by Moscow Mitch's supine Senate), flew all the way to Guam to lecture the crew of the Roosevelt about that embarrassing (for Trump) send-off they gave Captain Crozier.  He called Crozier "too na├»ve or too stupid" to command such a big ship, proving that he is too stupid to run the Department of Rubber Bands and Paper Clips.


Blogger The New York Crank said...

Just two comments:

1. Damn! They've found out about the deformed mole children in the secret tunnels under Central Park! Now where are all us elite pre-verts gonna go to get us our sex?

2. Life is unfair. Modly was so discombobulated by the reception his lecture produced that he forgot to mention that the beatings will continue until morale improves. I'm amazed the crew didn't immediately mutiny and try to hang him from the yardarm, or whatever the hell they use instead of a yardarm on aircraft carriers.

Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank

8:46 PM  

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