Whispers of the Wolf
(Title refers to a Bergman spoof by SCTV. I miss those guys.)
Anybody can stir up trouble between the United States and most Middle Eastern countries, or the old Soviet bloc, or China. It takes a stable (or possibly inert) genius to start shit with Scandinavia, a remarkably pacific part of the world devoted to skiing, strong drink and sexxxy movies. Remember I Am Curious (Yellow)?
It started during wildfire season in California, which was of course the fault of California, our most true-blue state. Trump asserted that fires could be prevented if you "rake" the forest floor, citing the president of Finland as his source. This being a Twitter-linked world, the president of Finland denied saying any such thing (as soon as the comment was pointed out to him, since he has better things to do than read asinine tweets all day). Soon, random Finns were posting pictures of themselves pretending to rake forests, and America was again the jerk who stepped on the banana peel.
Then it was Sweden's turn, as an American rapper who goes by A$AP Rocky (gods
forbid a hip-hop artiste should have a regular name) got arrested there for assaulting two men. Sensing an opportunity to pander to African American voters without abandoning any racist positions or policies, Trump dispatched a State Department hostage negotiator to Stockholm (he's been too busy watching Fox & Friends and cheating at golf to appoint an ambassador). No doubt courteously, the relevant official explained that Mr. Rocky was not in fact a hostage. Within a few days his case worked its way through normal channels, a judge sentenced him to time served, and he returned to a delirious reception of marching bands and trees festooned with yellow ribbons. Actually, he just flew home, his gangsta cred enhanced by a few days in the Swedish lockup. Incredibly but all too typically, he has not thanked Trump for working tirelessly for his liberation. Nor have any Swedes complained officially about the insult to their justice system, or posted side-by-side photos of immaculate Swedish jails and squalid child concentration camps in Texas. We could learn a lot about forbearance from the Swedes.
The Greenland debacle with Denmark is well documented and requires no further comment. That leaves Norway. I can't decide whether Trump will demand that Anders Breivik get early release or "hereby order" a Vidkun Quisling commemorative stamp. Very fine people.
Anybody can stir up trouble between the United States and most Middle Eastern countries, or the old Soviet bloc, or China. It takes a stable (or possibly inert) genius to start shit with Scandinavia, a remarkably pacific part of the world devoted to skiing, strong drink and sexxxy movies. Remember I Am Curious (Yellow)?
It started during wildfire season in California, which was of course the fault of California, our most true-blue state. Trump asserted that fires could be prevented if you "rake" the forest floor, citing the president of Finland as his source. This being a Twitter-linked world, the president of Finland denied saying any such thing (as soon as the comment was pointed out to him, since he has better things to do than read asinine tweets all day). Soon, random Finns were posting pictures of themselves pretending to rake forests, and America was again the jerk who stepped on the banana peel.
Then it was Sweden's turn, as an American rapper who goes by A$AP Rocky (gods
forbid a hip-hop artiste should have a regular name) got arrested there for assaulting two men. Sensing an opportunity to pander to African American voters without abandoning any racist positions or policies, Trump dispatched a State Department hostage negotiator to Stockholm (he's been too busy watching Fox & Friends and cheating at golf to appoint an ambassador). No doubt courteously, the relevant official explained that Mr. Rocky was not in fact a hostage. Within a few days his case worked its way through normal channels, a judge sentenced him to time served, and he returned to a delirious reception of marching bands and trees festooned with yellow ribbons. Actually, he just flew home, his gangsta cred enhanced by a few days in the Swedish lockup. Incredibly but all too typically, he has not thanked Trump for working tirelessly for his liberation. Nor have any Swedes complained officially about the insult to their justice system, or posted side-by-side photos of immaculate Swedish jails and squalid child concentration camps in Texas. We could learn a lot about forbearance from the Swedes.
The Greenland debacle with Denmark is well documented and requires no further comment. That leaves Norway. I can't decide whether Trump will demand that Anders Breivik get early release or "hereby order" a Vidkun Quisling commemorative stamp. Very fine people.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 11:49 AM
1 Comments:
"I can't decide whether Trump will demand that Anders Breivik get early release or "hereby order" a Vidkun Quisling commemorative stamp. "
Nah, he'll either demand the liberation of some reindeer so that we can all wish Santa Merry Christmas again, or he'll make an offer to buy Oslo.
Yours crankily,
The New York Crank
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