Tuesday happy-time party

Turn off the news.  I have, and I feel younger and thinner already, with the colonic function of a puppy.  It works.  You can't do a thing about the human catastrophes on this planet as it hurtles toward fiery doom.  So get happy!  (Some bullshit may apply.)

All week you've been subjected to low-information conspiracy theories, so here are some nice ones:

Q exists and she's Oprah!  She's going to save the eagles and give everybody an electric car except Elon Musk, who is clearly insane.

Shakespeare mystery solved!  Bill Clinton wrote the plays and Hillary wrote the sonnets.  Prove I'm wrong, Oxfordian turkeys.

"Frank's Place" will return to network television this fall.

A friend who saw Trump's echo-cardiogram results says to get ready for a happy Halloween.

Big storm in Atlanta area.  Lightning struck Stone Mountain Confederate monument, blasted that sucker into gravel.  Weird, right?  Governor promises investigation, but I don't know.  The guy who deciphered the Gilgamesh tablets couldn't assemble this jigsaw puzzle.  They say.

Comcast is getting right out of the ISP business.  To be replaced by a company that can keep you connected to the damn Internet for more than half an hour.

Still unhappy?  Go here.