Shooting blanks

How did the "president" bring comfort to Dayton and El Paso today?

1. Prevented First Escort from wearing her "I REALLY DON'T CARE DO U?" jacket.

2. Did not toss paper towels to hospitalized survivors.

3. Delayed adding Rep. Veronica Escobar (D-El Paso) to "send her back" list.

4. No Ivanka.

5. Did not mention amazing, unprecedented Electoral College landslide.

6. Anticipating Texas sun, applied extra-thick clown makeup.

7. Before leaving Washington, assured reporters of his opposition to "any group of hate."  (Also Antifa, the only group he named.)

8. Reassured people of Dayton that the killer was "nothing to do with Trump."  "He was a fan of Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders," so that's all right.  To demonstrate opposition to racism, did not call Warren "Pocahontas."

9. Attacked Sherrod Brown, Beto O'Rourke, Joe Biden and the media.  It's a long flight.

10. Ordered flags to half-staff.  They will be raised again tomorrow.  Apparently 8/8 is a significant date for some "very fine people."

11. Ignored demonstrators and Baby Trump balloon, had a flunky tell the press he was "greeted like a rock star" at the hospital in Dayton.  Another triumph!  So much healing!  (fist pump)

12. Did not read this editorial in the El Paso Times.

And so home to Hannity.  Another day of accomplishments.