Rim shot!
But seriously, folks, nepotism had nothing to do with it. Sarah Hockeypuck Sanders got the job because of her uncanny resemblance to Pierre Salinger.
Why pick on the Arkansow? Because at least she had the guts to show up. Cadet Bonespurs is rallying the Michigan Nazi Party, Liar-Liar-Pence-On-Fire is on his knees, which is all you need to know about his sex life, and Jared is cutting a deal with Bob Mueller. Sorry, Sarah. I guess Kellyanne needed the Hulk mask tonight, huh? Did you make that dress from the dining room drapes? Oh, you know it's her favorite movie. Whenever April Ryan asks a question, Sarah looks at her like "Why isn't Mammy in the kitchen making me flapjacks?"
I hear the tree Trump and Macron planted on the White House lawn has disappeared. Bet it turns up on eBay along with Kelly's self-respect and Tillerson's dignity.
Trump's newest mob lawyer was here for cocktails, but Rudy has to be back in a box of his native soil before sunrise. He thendth regardth. With all the money he made off 9/11 he should be able to afford a speech therapist, don't you think? Or better dentures. Is he using Trump's dentist? You know, Scotch tape is fine if you're too cheap for a tie clip, but it doesn't work on fake teeth.
I see some of you folks are leaving early. Ronny Jackson is in the parking lot to your left, and his after-dinner mints are righteous. Don't bogart the green ones, OK? By the way, they're holding next year's dinner at Waffle House. Come for the food, stay for the racist violence. And bring your own utensils.
Is Paul Ryan here? Of course not. After January the Cowardly Ryan is going into business with Big Daddy Hastert and Boehner the Stoner. They're marketing Speakers Blend, a mixture of Acapulco Gold and Colombian coffee. Wakes you up and mellows you out at the same time. Trust me, even if you're not a morning person, you will want a hearty breakfast. And brunch.
I'm so sorry that fans of President Pussy-grabber are offended by vulgarity. Next year, the entertainment will be provided by Louis C.K. He's going to take it out and wave it around, because so many of you are ugly pricks. Thank you, and please tweet while driving.
Michelle, that is how you do that.
Why pick on the Arkansow? Because at least she had the guts to show up. Cadet Bonespurs is rallying the Michigan Nazi Party, Liar-Liar-Pence-On-Fire is on his knees, which is all you need to know about his sex life, and Jared is cutting a deal with Bob Mueller. Sorry, Sarah. I guess Kellyanne needed the Hulk mask tonight, huh? Did you make that dress from the dining room drapes? Oh, you know it's her favorite movie. Whenever April Ryan asks a question, Sarah looks at her like "Why isn't Mammy in the kitchen making me flapjacks?"
I hear the tree Trump and Macron planted on the White House lawn has disappeared. Bet it turns up on eBay along with Kelly's self-respect and Tillerson's dignity.
Trump's newest mob lawyer was here for cocktails, but Rudy has to be back in a box of his native soil before sunrise. He thendth regardth. With all the money he made off 9/11 he should be able to afford a speech therapist, don't you think? Or better dentures. Is he using Trump's dentist? You know, Scotch tape is fine if you're too cheap for a tie clip, but it doesn't work on fake teeth.
I see some of you folks are leaving early. Ronny Jackson is in the parking lot to your left, and his after-dinner mints are righteous. Don't bogart the green ones, OK? By the way, they're holding next year's dinner at Waffle House. Come for the food, stay for the racist violence. And bring your own utensils.
Is Paul Ryan here? Of course not. After January the Cowardly Ryan is going into business with Big Daddy Hastert and Boehner the Stoner. They're marketing Speakers Blend, a mixture of Acapulco Gold and Colombian coffee. Wakes you up and mellows you out at the same time. Trust me, even if you're not a morning person, you will want a hearty breakfast. And brunch.
I'm so sorry that fans of President Pussy-grabber are offended by vulgarity. Next year, the entertainment will be provided by Louis C.K. He's going to take it out and wave it around, because so many of you are ugly pricks. Thank you, and please tweet while driving.
Michelle, that is how you do that.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 2:05 PM
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