Well, that didn't take long

 E. Jean Carroll's lawsuit went to the jury today, and before five o'clock they all agreed that Trump was guilty of sexual battery and defamation, that'll be $5 million please.  Of course the rapist called the verdict "a disgrace" but never came within a hundred miles of the courtroom.  No extra charge for cowardice.  I'll bet Joe Tacopina has to sue for his fee.

Just as after a mob trial, Judge Kaplan told the jurors they were free to identify themselves publicly -- but "not now and not for a long time."  Then he directed them not to name one another.  We all know what happens to people who cross the Don.  Kaplan probably has extra protection himself.

A spokesman for the convicted rapist had a statement already concocted, referencing "the enemies of American freedom and democracy" among other fertilizer.  I'm sure Kaitlan Collins will have many tough questions to ask at tomorrow night's "town hall."  ("So, Mr. President, who makes better maple syrup, New Hampshire or Vermont?")  Be there, will be mild.

Three days after the Allen massacre the Texas authorities are still unsure of Mauricio Garcia's motive.  Sure, he left scores of online posts full of Nazi symbols and hatred of LGBTQ people, women and liberals, often signing them "Heil Hitler," and the Army kicked him out for being unstable, but what could his beliefs have been?  It's a puzzle.

When people write their manifestos on their skin, believe them.

Jake Tapper can stop picking on Dick Durbin because Dianne Feinstein will be back in Washington on Monday, her shingles in remission, ready to vet some Biden judges.  You ever have shingles, Jake?  I hope you never do.  I understand you're trying to salvage CNN's reputation despite commentators like Corey Lewandowski and shitshows like tomorrow night's free campaign ad, but find another way.  By the way, Trump despises you and your network as much as ever and darkly warns that tomorrow "could turn into a disaster for all, including me."  Is there a plan to shoot him on the air like Howard Beale?  Well, would you consider it?  Think of the ratings!

Starks, Louisiana.  Kids playing hide-and-seek in David Doyle's backyard.  Doyle saw shadows so he went for his gun and shot a fourteen-year-old in the head.  She's expected to survive.  Damn kids won't do that again.