Stormy weather

 

Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  It's Donald Trump and his cool pal Anton Lazzaro, big-time Republican donor and freshly convicted trafficker of underage girls.  A federal jury in Minnesota found him guilty on seven counts of "commercial sex acts" and he's looking at ten to life.  Of course he says it's politically motivated.  

We're told that "weekend events at Mar a Lago have been suspended."  The article is not specific but if you had a wedding or bar mitzvah scheduled, kiss your deposit goodbye.

Ivanka Trump finally had a statement about Daddy's indictment:  "I love my father, and I love my country.  Today, I am pained for both.  I appreciate the voices across the political spectrum expressing support and concern."  Not since Oprah was asked to endorse Mehmet Oz have I been so stirred.  Who are these voices "across the political spectrum"?  Does she still think Tulsi Gabbard is a Democrat?

Someone who goes by "Dr. Gina" reported from "the gorgeous Mar a Lago" about "Our REAL First Couple enveloped in the love of their friends and most loyal!"  There is a picture of Melania entering the mess hall with her husband so you have to believe it.  She won't accompany him to New York on Tuesday, however -- the pre-nup says no arraignments or perp walks.

Maybe Eric will be there.  "I went into literally CVS yesterday," he told an equally astonished Hannity, "and you can't buy Tylenol because it's locked behind these glass counters...but yet their attention is going after Donald Trump."  I was in literally the post office and only one window was open, but yet Joe Biden keeps sending missiles to Ukraine.  It's just crazy!  (You can buy Tylenol, Eric.  Ask the person behind the counter for it.  You've never been in a drug store in your life, have you?)

Not only is Trump the least racist person in the history of the world, he is the victim of more racism than you can believe.  Just look at the judge assigned to his case, Juan Merchan, or as Trump calls him "Juan Manuel Marchan" who "HATES ME."  Merchan, who also presided over the case of the Trump Organization and "railroaded my 75 year old CFO Allen Weisselberg," was born in Colombia and is therefore prejudiced.  Just like Gonzalo Curiel, the judge in the Trump University case back in 2016.  He "happens to be, we believe, Mexican, which is great."  (Curiel was born in Indiana.)  Black prosecutors, Latino judges -- what chance does a white man have for justice in this country?

Good of Trump to spare a thought for Weisselberg, currently receiving his mail at Rikers Island because Judge Merchan let him take a plea deal and a sentence of just a hundred days for numerous counts of tax evasion.  Weisselberg is still swearing that Mr. Trump had no idea what he was up to, it was all his idea.  Look, nobody should have to spend even a night at Rikers, but there are people there for years still awaiting trial so I have little sympathy for a mob accountant.  Is he stupid or frightened?  Who knows?

Alan Dershowitz used to be a professor at Harvard Law and was taken very seriously, but something happened around the time he joined O.J. Simpson's "Dream Team."  Now can't get invited to the good parties on Martha's Vineyard and is only interviewed by the likes of Maria Bartiromo.  He told her Alvin Bragg could lose his law license if he goes ahead with the prosecution of Trump because his principal witness is a convicted perjuror, Michael Cohen.  I've never even toured Harvard, most of what I know about the law I learned at the University of Dick Wolf (Law & Order, as alums call it), but I know that at least once a season Jack McCoy used to remind Adam Schiff (not the Congressman) that witnesses in criminal trials are rarely members of church choirs.  You go to trial with the witnesses you have and let the jury decide.  Nice try, professor emeritus.  Also like the idea of making his mug shot(s) into a campaign poster.  That should enhance the status of the US worldwide.

Speaking of which, Russia assumes the presidency of the UN Security Council from today.  I wish that was an April Fool joke.